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Hi!


NullVector
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Howdy folks! Thought I'd do a quick into, so, here goes..

 

Found me way here via some of Blue Phoenix's Youtube vids, after reading about this whole 'aromantic' thing on the AVEN forums (I can't quite remember how I ended up there, as I don't identify as asexual, at all, lol). A bit about me: white, male, 31 years old, heterosexual (never had any doubts there!) - but always struggled with the whole 'getting into relationships' business and couldn't really puzzle out why (y'know, beyond feeling a vague sense of guilt and 'brokenness' at my not being able to accomplish this super-important-for-all-valid-humans thing - despite, realistically, my making no real concerted effort to actually accomplish it!) Anyways, after reading a bunch of stuff by aro-spec folks over the past few days, I'm starting to think this may help to explain it. As in: perhaps the reason I've never found myself involved in romantic relationships thus far is because (either consciously or subconsciously - and thinking back, I suspect it's often been the latter!) I HAVEN'T REALLY WANTED TO. And that maybe THAT IS OKAY :)

 

Still pretty confused re. exact labels. Suspect I might be some mix of demi/lith rather than 'hardcore' aro, as some of the posts I've read by people (here and elsewhere) identifying as those two have resonated strongly with personal experiences. For example: in hindsight, I reckon I've sometimes been in situations where there was the potential for romantic relationships to develop (and sometimes with people I actually 'liked' - in the sexual and/or Platonic senses of 'liked') but then my subconscious pushed the eject/self destruct button to 'GTFO' of that situation! My own automatic reactions have surprised me at times! It's hard to explain, but I can start to fell super anxious/trapped/suffocated at that instant (sounds potentially 'lith' to me, no?). I also can't see myself developing romantic feelings for any girl(s) without a really strong emotional and intellectual connection already established (sounds pretty 'demi' to me, no?). But I get the impression that for most 'normals' it goes the other way around. As in, the romantic feelings come first and help to lay the groundwork for the emotional and intellectual connections to develop - rather than vice-versa, as with me (well, potentially! with regards to the romantic feelings, I'm not clear as to what extent they'd actually ever develop...). Also, although I'd like a sexual relationship, I wouldn't personally feel comfortable having sex without having the 'strong emotional and intellectual connection' present (I'm not passing judgement here on anyone else who would be comfortable with this - just stating a personal preference).

 

Well, that's all I got for now. Looking forward to meeting and interacting with folks on here - and hopefully figuring some of this stuff out together :) 

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Welcome :D:aropride:

 

The ice cream thing is our version of aven's cake thing.

You know that part in romcoms when someone is single again and the end up crying on the sofa with a bucket of icecream? I think the philosophy behind it is, that you can skip the whole dating and crying part and just have the icecream? Its a win-win in my opinion :icecream:

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hello and wellcome

 

dont worry on labels to much.. when I joined the aro comunity I was so confussed on what I identify as, and I am still abit unsure, whenever label to use, but its okay, this is also a place to explore.

 

about the suffication feeling I can relate to it.. for me its kinda like there it a level of intimacy.. from we meet the first time to we get really intimate, and I tend to enjoy it getting to know people and be intimate with them and be even better friends with them, but then at some point its like "this is enough lets stay this way" but the other person wants more, and when that happents I feel sufficating and just want to get out..

it sound like a really common experience and you diffently arnt alone in feeling so.

 

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