questions for the allos

[organs and bone]

argh I didn’t see another forum like this but I think it would be helpful for me if this existed so here we are. I do have a lot of questions for the people who do experience romantic (and/or sexual) attraction. If you have any insight please assist (anyone can post let me make that clear).

first off - if a (non demiromantic) person is in a romantic relationship do they only have a crush on that person or do they have other crushes (on other people) all the time? For example if you have a bf/gf/other and originally had a crush on them, does it go away? Do you develop a crush on other people? Wouldn't that be complicated in a relationship??

[lovelyleaf]

this is highly individual and depends on the person. to keep this simpler i'm going to operate on the assumption you're primarily asking about monogamous people. i am not personally someone who would want multiple partners so i don't really know much of anything about polyamory. 

i have seen a lot of more sexual people get crushes or attraction to other people and describe it as a natural thing that happens (sometimes but not constantly) but it doesn't mean anything to them, they don't pursue it, and it doesn't compromise their relationship or their feelings for their partner. 

personally, if i have feelings for someone my sights are set on them and it's basically physically impossible for me to be attracted to anyone else until my feelings wane.

in general i feel like i am a little bit of an outlier in terms of romantic/sexual people because i'm very particular about a lot of things and i couldn't tell you what romance really is because i don't think i know.

 

Edited March 3 by lovelyleaf

[smac n cheese]

I'm not allo, but my allo classmate had a crush on someone while she was dating someone else last year, which kinda confused me because (she's monogamous) if she was dating someone and happy with the relationship, then why would she want to date someone else, and if she wasn't happy with the relationship, why didn't she break up. Not trying to be rude, just a confused aro here! 

It may be different for polyamorous people, though, and I'm not quite sure how it works with monogamous people. I personally don't experience romantic attraction at all, so I don't think I can further assist, but as @lovelyleaf said, for some people it's just a natural thing that happens that they don't want to pursue.

[organs and bone]

@lovelyleaf @smac n cheese

ahhh thanks :) yes I was talking about the monogamous people - I understand that it might work differently for my lovely poly people

[Holmbo]

I imagine you could ask in most online places to get answer for this question. For example on Reddit in the AskReddit group.