How do you deal with the doubt?

[DreamSeeker]

I realized I was aromantic a few months ago in like July, but since then several doubts have kept coming up- not that I’m too young to know or something- but I just want to know how other people have handled it. I’ve dated before, but we never actually touched… like literally nothing more than a high five in the 8 months we dated. And the idea of kissing repulses me, not sure why. I thought it was because I was aro, but then I keep questioning myself if maybe I’m not aro and then I’m just repulsed by kissing? But then at the same time I’ve never like been “ooo I want to marry you” or like “I can’t take my eyes off of you” or like “I just want to cuddle you”. Sorry if that was phrased weirdly lol. But then I keep wondering if maybe I really am just repulsed by kissing, and I’ll meet someone I love romantically later. I keep convincing myself I’m aro but then the same thoughts keep coming back over and over. What do you think I should do? How any of you been in similar situations to this? 

[Armored frog]

To me, this very much sounds like being aromantic, as to whether or not you will experience romantic atraction later, if you just keep waiting, i wouldnt worry about that. we never know what will happen in the future, but that dosnt actually change how you feel now wich is way more important.

tbh, i wouldnt stress to much about labels, if you dont wanna kiss people, then dont. there is no need to find the perfect label that is going to fit for all time.

as for how ive handled "doubt", i just stay true to how i feel right now, ive never experienced atraction, so until that changes (which it probably wont) i will keep on identifying as aromantic, <3

idk if this helps, i always feel like i just end up rambling lol :) 

[DreamSeeker]

8 hours ago, Armored frog said:

idk if this helps, i always feel like i just end up rambling lol :)

That helped so much. Thank you!

[GraduateBard97]

I'm struggling with very similar worries and doubts about my attraction and I'm not sure what to do. I know Im not asexual. Its glaringly obvious to me, but I don't have that same obviousness for romantic attraction. I was engaged when I realized and called it off and I'm deeply worried that I simply mistook my emotions and fears for being aro. 

 

I'm dealing with it in two ways. First, i'm over rationalizing my emotions inorder to truly analyze them. This isn't the healthiest and I'm aware of that. It certainly helped me in the short term. I wrote (and posted) about 3.8K words on my doubts.

 

The other way I'm dealing with it is trying to accept myself. Recognize that its ok. I've grown up in a western society that socialized me to want romance even if I don't experience that attraction. I'm slowly learning to accept that I further don't fit into the "normal" mold of society or even some queer circles. Ultimantly I won't be happy if I force myself into these areas and I'm trying to recognize that I'm the only one who lives my life, not others. To that end, I need to work on making myself happy above all else. 

Just remember that you're valid, and all you can do is be true to yourself now.

[kira-]

for a while after i started identifying as aroace i had a ton of self doubt, but i found places w/ aspecs (such as here). i guess the longer i interacted w/ the community and the media the more comfortable i got w/ identifying w/ the term. you’ve prob hear this already and i know i didn’t believe it at first but there’s a saying that goes “if u feel like ur faking this type of stuff, then u probably aren’t.” sometimes stuff like this just takes time, and we want to figure these things out asap so we can move on and continue life. 

sorry 4 rambling on a bit, hope this helps.

[Neon]

The doubt goes away with time. You have to consider the doubts, and go through why you know they are wrong. Eventually, they'll slow down, and when they do show up, they won't make an impact.

I would suggest writing down somewhere all the reasons you know you're aro. That way when the doubts say the same thing they said 2 months ago, you already have exactly why they were wrong and continue to be wrong.

Also, remember, labels and identity are fluid. You don't need to fit a dictionary definition to find meaning in the aromantic label and use it.

[Collie]

I have OCD tendencies, which means in regards to doubts that they tend to stick around, cause significant anxiety, and I ruminate over them heavily. At least, before meds got my symptoms under more control. Questioning is completely normal, but if you find you're going round in circles constantly, you have to learn to live with the uncertainty.

[Keith]

I still struggle with doubt. Like, I'm pretty sure I am aromantic, but there's this voice in the back of my head constantly telling me 'what if you're not?', so unfortunately I don't think I can help you overcome it. However I do thing it is important to remember, just as pretty much all of the people ahead of me said, that questioning is normal, and it doesn't make you any less valid in your identity or experiences. I also relate to @kira-'s statement; that hanging around the community was indeed helpful, since it helped me build some sense of belonging.

[dewy]

It's normal to have doubts. For me I had them even after a while of knowing I was aro because people I knew would say bad things about aromanticism. Having doubts doesn't make you any less aromantic. And even if your identity does end up changing later on, that's completely OK. I know my identity has changed a lot since realizing I'm aro, from sexuality, to different aro sublabels, even to thinking I wasn't aro at all for a short time.

The doubts will lessen over time. My advice is to try not to torture yourself thinking about it so much, and surround yourself with supportive people.