Darkraven77 Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 I've gotten hormonal over boys a few times and had an urge to kiss someone once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolK Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 I struggle to distinguish romantic feelings from others myself. Ultimately what helps me is logically examining whether I would be compatible in a relationship with the friend I am thinking about. If not I am most likely experiencing a squish and not romantic/ alterous attraction. You can kiss someone and it just be platonic/sensual attraction. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helion Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 "Once" sounds like it has been in the past. This might not be the case, but I wouldn't exclude the possibility that you just changed and became aromantic. This sort of happened to me, I am pretty sure I was alloromantic as a young teenager, but sort of just became aro from around the age of 15-16 onwards, perhaps earlier, I can't be too sure. Romantic and sexual attraction can very much change, usually if you are a teenager because that is when your preferences are developping and your hormones are going bonkers. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkraven77 Posted January 12 Author Share Posted January 12 I'm 20. How would that be possible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 (edited) For me, it took me a long time to realize that my "crushes" were actually 'meshes' (an alterous attraction form of a "crush"). I never had any romantic inclinations towards the person I liked, just a want for an emotional closeness, where we didn't have to do anything romantic (hold hands, kiss, go on dates, etc, although these things aren't inherently romantic), I never thought about wanting to be in a relationship with the individual I alterously fancied, because the thought of actually entering such a relationship with them made my stomach full of dread and caused me to have anxiety. I would just be giddy about getting close to them, and would want a deep bond, while just wanting to be their friend. I haven't felt any meshes towards anyone in a long time, but realizing that that was what my past feelings were, I came to the conclusion that I never had an actual crush, ever. It took me a long time to determine this, but ultimately - although sometimes I know you'll just want to know the answer - it is up to you on whether or not you did have crushes before, or currently do. And regardless, just know this, you're not any less aro if you had had crushes, nor are you less aro if you still experience them. Edited January 13 by The Newest Fabled Creature 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dewy Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 I'm gray aro, and personally it just takes time for me to figure it out. Sometimes I get crushes on people then it fades and I realize it was just something like admiration or infatuation. So whether the attraction actually lasts is how I determine if it's genuine, if that makes sense. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkraven77 Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 On 12/28/2023 at 10:54 PM, Helion said: "Once" sounds like it has been in the past. This might not be the case, but I wouldn't exclude the possibility that you just changed and became aromantic. This sort of happened to me, I am pretty sure I was alloromantic as a young teenager, but sort of just became aro from around the age of 15-16 onwards, perhaps earlier, I can't be too sure. Romantic and sexual attraction can very much change, usually if you are a teenager because that is when your preferences are developping and your hormones are going bonkers. Explain because I'm confused right now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helion Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 10 minutes ago, Darkraven77 said: Explain because I'm confused right now? I don't mind elaborating, just saying, this might not be the case at all, I don't know about your particular feelings! But who you are romantically or sexually attracted to can change, actually. Both of those kinds of feelings develop particularly during puberty, which is a gradual process, not just a "click, you are bisexual now!". During puberty you are developping, so it isn't that unlikely that you can change your sexual or romantic orientation as you develop. For instance, I am pretty sure I was alloromantic, I can't be 100% sure ofc, but I do remember fairly vividly having a big crush on a guy at the age of 13. Since the age of 14-16 I believe I developped to be aromantic and started lacking romantic attraction completely. This kinda stuff can just happen during puberty, it's when your body goes through a looot of changes and your hormones just go crazy. It's not impossible to change your sexual or romantic preferences after puberty, though it's much rarer and from my personal experience it tends to not happen for no reason, but is tied to events like for example trauma. Just as a suggestion, maybe that is what you are experiencing! If not, I totally agree with all the other great comments here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkraven77 Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 3 minutes ago, Helion said: I don't mind elaborating, just saying, this might not be the case at all, I don't know about your particular feelings! But who you are romantically or sexually attracted to can change, actually. Both of those kinds of feelings develop particularly during puberty, which is a gradual process, not just a "click, you are bisexual now!". During puberty you are developping, so it isn't that unlikely that you can change your sexual or romantic orientation as you develop. For instance, I am pretty sure I was alloromantic, I can't be 100% sure ofc, but I do remember fairly vividly having a big crush on a guy at the age of 13. Since the age of 14-16 I believe I developped to be aromantic and started lacking romantic attraction completely. This kinda stuff can just happen during puberty, it's when your body goes through a looot of changes and your hormones just go crazy. It's not impossible to change your sexual or romantic preferences after puberty, though it's much rarer and from my personal experience it tends to not happen for no reason, but is tied to events like for example trauma. Just as a suggestion, maybe that is what you are experiencing! If not, I totally agree with all the other great comments here. Hmm okay got it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1nagony Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 4 hours ago, Helion said: I don't mind elaborating, just saying, this might not be the case at all, I don't know about your particular feelings! But who you are romantically or sexually attracted to can change, actually. Both of those kinds of feelings develop particularly during puberty, which is a gradual process, not just a "click, you are bisexual now!". During puberty you are developping, so it isn't that unlikely that you can change your sexual or romantic orientation as you develop. For instance, I am pretty sure I was alloromantic, I can't be 100% sure ofc, but I do remember fairly vividly having a big crush on a guy at the age of 13. Since the age of 14-16 I believe I developped to be aromantic and started lacking romantic attraction completely. This kinda stuff can just happen during puberty, it's when your body goes through a looot of changes and your hormones just go crazy. It's not impossible to change your sexual or romantic preferences after puberty, though it's much rarer and from my personal experience it tends to not happen for no reason, but is tied to events like for example trauma. Just as a suggestion, maybe that is what you are experiencing! If not, I totally agree with all the other great comments here. This is great information! I didn't know this and I dated this one guy in elementary and I didn't hate it so that made me very uncomfortable😭 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cuddles11 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 I'm trying to figure out if I'm aro, I have had some boyfriends but only really started thinking I had feelings after someone told me that the guy liked me. But once I'm in the relationship I feel trapped and its like the feelings I thought I had were just gone and I imagined them. I also like the idea of a relationship sometimes but I dont know if thats because everyone around me is etheir in one or wants one. Can someone help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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