Kian Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 I'm currently 19-years-old (male), and I "came-out" aged 14: bi-sexual. There was times I felt I was more attracted to men then other times women and in some cases neither... this is when I started to not put a sexuality label on myself at aged 16 and loved life. From the end of 2022 to now, I have started to go clubbing and experience more. I had my first boyfriend at aged 14 and girlfriend at age 13... but the past 8 months I have been feeling seriously out of sync with myself, not knowing what I want or who I want and it's got to the point where its on my mind regularly: Am I never going find love? Am I attracted to anyone? Is it a phase that I'm now exiting? I will go into detail because I feel there will be people who have had the same. When I kiss people (men majority of the time) I get turned on, touching does the same but when it comes to sexual stuff so sex and other things, I feel I just shut off and I get turned off massively... this is become a reoccurring thing when I'm being sexually involved with guys and I feel I'm getting more and more confused everytime it's happening... I go drive, get home or get to work and feel this tremendous anxiety and guilt that I can't give what the other person wants, which results into me shutting myself off from everyone romantically. When my mind goes quiet, I think about this regularly and I get angry, upset, emotionally detached and I shut off any sort of interaction that involves a possible romance because I know it will happen again and again. I love romance, I love cuddling, kissing, laughing, physical touch, going on dates and feeling I belong... and I feel all these things, but when it gets to the sexual stuff, I've always said I want to wait until I'm with my forever/long term partner to go the extra mile and have anal/vaginal (whatever the case is). Is this a reason why I get turned off when it gets to that point because I know psychologically that I don't have that full bond? Alot of the people I've been involved with have been short/hook-up like. This all got worse when I kissed my friend 19 (female)... and I started questioning once again. To all the people I've spoken to, they've all said I don't need to figure anything out or know as I'm young... but I'm so drained of feeling like I'll never have love just because I don't know how I'm feeling, or what I should feel! Do we know what it's like to feel like you've found "the one", to feel you are in love? I need someone who makes me laugh, makes me feel comfortable, makes me feel loved, have that underlying strong friendship where you trust them with anything and be your best friend while having that romantic side. I can live without sex and that stuff, romance I need truly and I think this is why I possibly feel out of balance because everyone around me want more sex or both. Can anyone help me out, or if you're reading this thinking this is you... you're not alone, I know how you feel and I hope we get there!❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jot-Aro Kujo Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 It sounds kind you’re probably alloromantic asexual, meaning you experience romantic attraction but a lack of sexual attraction. This website is for people who are aromantic, meaning they experience a lack of romantic attraction, but may or may not experience sexual attraction (I’m aromantic and bisexual). I recommend looking for an asexual-specific space such as AVEN for better support. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picklethewickle Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 There are more people who feel the same as you than you might realize. There are people who are open to having a sex-free romantic relationship. In fact, there are people actively seeking that out. Sex is not love to all people, and it's okay if you never want to have sex with anyone. There are relationships just like you dream, full of love and trust, without needing sex as part of that bond. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikarus Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, Kian said: I love romance, I love cuddling, kissing, laughing, physical touch, going on dates and feeling I belong... and I feel all these things, but when it gets to the sexual stuff, I've always said I want to wait until I'm with my forever/long term partner to go the extra mile and have anal/vaginal (whatever the case is). Is this a reason why I get turned off when it gets to that point because I know psychologically that I don't have that full bond? When it comes to sex you want to wait until you’ve found your forever partner. You don’t have that full bond. You could be on the ace spectrum, my best guess would be demisexual: feeling sexual attraction towards another person only after establishing an emotional bond with that person https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demisexual Also it may be hard to do but you don’t need to feel ashamed for who you are. You just love differently and that’s perfectly okay. There are people out their who will want to be your forever partner. No need to put any blame on yourself. Edited August 1, 2023 by Ikarus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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