Do emotions even exist ?

[Dobby]

Heyyy. Yeah so that's my question.

I think I'm aroace, or at least, any kind of emotion related to romantic or sexual attraction are totally foreign to me. But when I think about it, maybe it's not just these ones that I can't experience. I don't miss people when they're away, I'm not excited by exciting things, sometimes I smile or cry but I don't actually *feel* happy or sad. It's a bit hard to explain. 

I'm not sure I actually love my family and friends. Like, I used to think I loved them because their presence is nicer than being alone, I want them to be happy and I don't want them to leave my life, etc. I thought that was what love was about. But apparently you're supposed to actually *feel* something ? Not just thinking about them in a positive way, but a particular emotion ? I don't know exactly, I don't really understand. But I think I never felt any kind of emotion. Sometimes I do feel lonely, but really it mainly feels like absolute emptiness (rather than an actual feeling, it's more the deep lack of it).

Sometimes, I do have a small glimpse of it, like during a concert in which my favourite singer sang my favourite song ever, or last week when a colleague-friend gave me a goodbye hug. I can't identify the thing I feel, it's just "something", very different to the usual "nothing". But then it goes away in seconds and even if I try hard to remember the feeling, there's nothing left.

Can someone try to explain the thing ?Is it even possible to explain it, or is it like trying to explain the color red to a blind person ? But if I understand it, maybe I will realise that I just misunderstood the concept of emotions, which doesn't mean that i don't have any.

Is it "common" to feel like this, along with being aroace, or am i the only one ?

I feel like emotions just don't exist at all and people are under illusion, but maybe it's me, maybe I miss something, like I'm blind. I feel like I need to die and be reborn to actually feel things, it's weird.

Well that's all, thank you for reading this far and have a nice day 

 

 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Oh, come to think of it. OP, have you ever been diagnosed with a neurodevelopmental or personality disorder? You may be experiencing alexithymia. 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

If emotions didn’t exist my ass wouldn’t be crying all the time lol. Good luck though, hope you can get things figured out in a way that’s helpful to you. 

[Guest]

First off, not everyone feels love. It’s not a requirement. I don’t feel love. And that’s okay. You aren’t required to feel anything for anyone. You could be low empathy, which doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Or you could just have less emotions.

[SwiftySpeedy]

You could be a loveless aro. Look it up.

[DeltaAro]

5 hours ago, Dobby said:

Can someone try to explain the thing ?Is it even possible to explain it, or is it like trying to explain the color red to a blind person ? But if I understand it, maybe I will realise that I just misunderstood the concept of emotions, which doesn't mean that i don't have any.

Emotions are often regarded as judgments (or valuation) that are also subjectively experienced. I mean, you know subjective experiences like hunger and pain - emotions are felt similarly (positive and negative ones).

Mr. Spock also make judgments, e.g. he wants his friends to be safe, for example. But he doesn't subjectively experience something on top of that. Like fear for his friends' safety.

I'd go a bit further and say that emotions maybe aren't judgments that are experienced. Judgments need to logically consistent, but emotions don't need to be.

If I'm in a contest together with my friend and my friend wins, and I lose, I can be happy for my friend. Logically, my friend winning means that I lose. For a pure judgment, "I prefer my friend to win" entails "I prefer that I lose".

But emotions aren't that rigid. I can be genuinely happy that my friend won, but not be happy that I lost.

5 hours ago, Dobby said:

I feel like emotions just don't exist at all and people are under illusion, but maybe it's me, maybe I miss something, like I'm blind. I feel like I need to die and be reborn to actually feel things, it's weird.

You just assume that everyone else in the world has a mind that works like your own. That's not the case. I assure you that emotions exist.

[illumi]

can relate. i only find myself feeling neg emotions; esp anger. i get irritated easily so this emotion had become extremely ez to identify. however as 4 other emotions shit gets muddy. i think this could b bc im deprived of stimulation. once i go back to school ill be able to identify diff emotions again. but atp im so used to not feeling anything ive forgotten what feeling any emotions r like

im loveless; which personally speaks to me as being detached from the concept of love. i use the word lightly to refer to my family and friends but i dont feel the emotions im supposed to feel 4 love. ive seen others describe what love feels like to them but i cant relate at all

not going to diagnose u but look into loveless aro if it gives u closure

[Dobby]

Thank you all very much for your replies !! It helps a lot. And even if some of you don't relate, you still made me feel understood, not bizarre or inhuman (like my family did when I mentioned that to them haha). So thank you very much for that !! 

On 7/30/2023 at 9:59 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

OP, have you ever been diagnosed with a neurodevelopmental or personality disorder? You may be experiencing alexithymia. 

I've never heard of that before, I must admit. I've heard of apathy and how it can be related to some mental disorders, I know it's not exactly the same as what you're talking about but yeah, seems related. I don't have any diagnosis, I planned to start therapy in September tho. Maybe something will come out of it and maybe it will help me understand some things better (I hope so). Thank you !!

 

And also thank you to the ones that suggested me to read about loveless aro, that's quite relatable. And it's a good reminder that I'm not the only one, even if it feels like it (I never met anyone in real life that is aro or anything). I'm really glad that some worries I had are starting to get away, mainly thanks to this forum. I don't feel like I'm weird and inhuman that much anymore, I'm starting to think that maybe my whole self is not actually a big problem. 

Thank you everyone for that. I'll give a hug to everyone of you in my dreams tonight <3

[Collie]

I agree with the alexithymia suggestion. It's common with other disorders, but I think could be a thing on its own, too?