Dobby

Thank you all for the replies ! That was definitely helpful. You're right, I should not care and worry that much about all that :) Thank youuu <3

Ah no, I didn't meant "something happening" like that, I meant it like an experience in general. Like for example romantic relationships that didn't felt right repeatedly, or an interaction that made you think "no, that's definitely not for me". Not something dramatic, just something, you know what I mean ? Like just any interaction or situation or whatever And also I didn't mean it as a justification, but more as a way to be more sure about it I don't know if you see what I mean ? And I'm sorry if I phrased my opinion and questions poorly, and sorry also if that was hurtful in any way

No I do not think that, that's not what i meant, and I'm quite sure that's not what I wrote either haha Where did you find that "tragic backstory" in the word "experience", I'm curious? XD

Hey there! Sooo, I started to relate to the idea of being aroace about 3-4 years ago when I was about 19 (even before learning the terms and all). But I keep thinking "how do I actually know I'm aromantic ? Maybe I've just never met the right one etc" (also some people have told me that). I've read in this forum that this tend to be a common issue for some aromantic people, because I guess we can never exclude the possibility of meeting someone that would be "the right one". But I have these thoughts even more persistently, because I've never had a "proof" that I was aroace. Actually, I think I'm aroace because of the absence of proof that I'm romantic and sexual (because I never felt any attraction of this kind)... But the absence of proof is never a proof of anything, mathematically speaking XD And I've read tons of posts of people that realised they were aroace because of an experience or because something happened, for example where it felt consistently wrong to be in a sexual or romantic relationship. So a part of my brain keeps telling me that I can't know if I'm aroace if I never "tried", just like someone can't know if they don't like carrots if they never tried eating carrots? What if I'm not aroace, and I'm just to introverted or whatever to have ever come close enough to the kind of situation where these feelings occurs ? If that makes sense XD I know it's ok not to be sure, and it's ok to change, it's ok not to feel aromantic forever etc. But at the same time, for the peace of my own brain, I kinda need to know, and need to feel sure about it (at least for now, I'm not speaking about forever), so I can stop invalidating myself and I can leave that unstable status I've created for myself. So, do you think feeling aroace without an experience to "prove" it, is valid ? Do we need an experience to be kind of sure about it? Did you ever felt like you were aro and/or ace, then had some kind of experience or situation and then been like "oh maybe I'm not then" ? XDD Thanks for reading this far, have a great day/night/whatever <3 (and sorry for the mistakes, English is not my 1rst language oopsi)

It happened to me once. When I woke up I was a bit sad it was just a dream, but it felt nice to "experience" it, in a way. I just saw a comment, on insta someone aro mentioning that it happened to them, so I was wondering : did it happen to some of you ? How was it ?

Thank you very much for your reply, it really means a lot. I'm happy things got a bit better for you ! It doesn't really make things easier, but it's reassuring to know that nobody is alone in this ... I really appreciate your offer about talking further, I will think about this. It's really nice of you, and maybe it could help but at the same time I don't want to bother you haha. And I also try not to rely on individuals too much especially about sensitive topics, because at some point they leave and it's something I don't manage really well. But anyway, thank you very much (and thank you for the huuug <3)

Tw : self-harm, eating disorders (I guess ?) Hey. I think I need to vent a bit, there are some things I need to say and I'm sorry to do it here and to bother the nice people hanging around here, but it's the only place that feels safe enough to do so. Yeah so I've been thinking about it for a while now (several years), but it just absolutely hit me this afternoon that I really don't know what I am doing with my life. Like, this year I started studying in the school that I wanted for so long. And the truth is, I did work for this school, but honestly not at my maximum at all, because I didn't really care if I got in or not. And now that I'm in, i know I should study more (because I barely do right now). Like I know that if I have an absolutely free weekend I should at least study a little bit, because otherwise I might fail my exams. But I don't care if I fail them. I don't care if I fail them and I don't care if I can't do the job I wanted to do for the last 10 years. And if it was only about the studies, ooh it would have been so nice. I used to have a meaning and passions in my life outside of school, before. But I lost it. I used to love doing art so so much. Now I still do art sometimes, but I don't care about it. It feels like doing nothing, but more frustrating. Sometimes I don't eat, even if I know I should, because I don't care. I honestly could, it's not like I can't eat because of a physical or mental block, it's just that I don't care. Sometimes I harm myself but I never regret it, simply because I don't care at all. I really wish I could care, because I know that none of that is good. But I just don't. I really don't care about myself or about my life, everything is so empty and nothing makes sense. A part of me knows that it's not normal that I feel like that. After thinking about seeking professional help for months, last week I finally started the procedures to have an appointment with a therapist. Maybe I'm expecting a little to much from it. I'm not sure they can help me becoming someone I would care about, but I guess I'm going to try. What do I have to lose. Sometimes (like right now), I feel like I really need a hug. But I'm alone (because I moved city to do my studies), and I can't really make friends. Maybe I could if I cared enough. Because some people are really nice and seem to find my presence reasonably enjoyable, and I think I could be friends with some of them. I could. But yeah I really need a hug, and to feel like someone cares about me, even just a little bit. I'm crying right now, but a hug would make things so much better. I still want to live, but just not this life. I still have some sort of hope for the future, because I still remember that things can be better, based on how they used to be. But I'm slowly forgetting, and I don't really know what I'm going to do when everything is gone. It's probably a good thing that I don't care to much because otherwise I would be really worried about my future.

Hey ! I finally had the time to watch the whole video. Honestly thank you for sharing it, it was really interesting! I like the fact they took a neutral and very factual look on things but still in a very acceptive and non judgemental way, even if they don't identify as aro. The content I've seen before was either by aro people (which is fine, it's just that speaking about your own experience is not the same as trying to understand someone else's), or by non-aro but the content was a bit (not a bit) judgemental. Like I've seen once, on like a french TV show (not super serious with only official news and stuff but still a bit serious), they did a thing on aromanticism and it was AWFUL, like basically calling aros "cold and heartless" (but in french (which still sounds awful)), and almost questioning the humanity of aros. So anyway, the video you sent is good in the sense that they're maybe out of the aro thing, but they're understanding and acceptant (and I'm happy to see that it's maybe not that rare to be this way). Maybe I'm just a bit disappointed that they didn't find any actual scientific study about aromanticism. Disappointed but not surprised haha, because I tried to find that also and it wasn't an easy task. I'm studying biology (I'm interested in neuroscience), and for that purpose I read a lot of scientific articles (and I like that). And from the moment I started to learn about aromanticism (and started to identify as aro at the same time), I also started to wonder how, like what exactly is happening that can explain the way I feel and other people feel. And I thought (and still think) that the brain must be involved in it, I think aromanticism isn't just a metaphysical philosophical phenomenon that can't be studied and understood scientifically (basically, romantic love can be studied by neuroscience, so the lack of it should also, no ?). Anyway so I tried to find actual scientific articles on that but I failed. I need brain scans and a biochemistry explanation aaaaaaaa XD. That's frustrating but well. Maybe one day. But still, I think it was an interesting video, and I liked that they talked about the expectations, and how the society is not shaped for aros etc. It's usually not really talked about I think (I mean aromanticism in general is not really talked about either but anyway). And also I liked that they underlined that "romance" is a difficult term to define, and the line between "normal" and the others is difficult to draw. And that basically society decided to draw the line at the place it is (I feel like even if we are the ones actually identifying as aro or not, we probably wouldn't have to do so if there wasn't a line and different sides to "pick" to begin with, if that makes sense). Anyway, so thank you for the video, it was really interesting. I've just watched it, so I didn't have any time to think about it deeply and everything, maybe there are some things I didn't think of or missed some points etc, so that's just my raw reaction (but still a long one haha, sorry for the dissertation). (And sorry if my English if full of mistakes, i'm french 🥖 (yeah no I'm not watching french TV just for the fun of it)) Yeah so thank you, everyone have a nice day/night/whatever it is in your timezone <3

Hey thank you for your reply, and yeah it makes sense ! Yeah I met her boyfriend at some occasions already and I think he's nice. We just don't have a lot of occasions to all meet anymore because we now live quite far away. And the last time we saw each other, it was just me and my friend (not her partner) and she spent quite some time on her phone texting him, it was even interrupting our interactions and activities. Yeah so it wasn't the nicest feeling. But anyway, we're not geographically close so we can't meet that much, which clearly doesn't help at all. That could have been nice Thank you <3

Hey everyone, thank you so much for the answers ! It's sad and reassuring at the same time to know that I'm not the only one ... I kinda hoped that it was really a rare phenomenon, because that would mean that it has a low probability to happen to me again in the future, but well. And yeah, it's getting a bit better with time, so that's good. Even if I feel like I really need to make friends, I'm still quite afraid because I don't want it to happen again. But the loneliness it causes makes the decision hard haha. It just happened at the worst time, almost all the things in my life started to get progressively worse and then in the middle of that all I lost her too. But well, that's the way it is I guess. I hope that everyone of you will be okay, thank you very much and love you all <3

Hey everyone So yeah 2 weeks ago I met someone and for some reason I liked him right away (in a platonic way) and I wanted to be his friend. I think it might be a squish (I think it is what it's called), because since then I've been thinking about him sometimes and I just want to be his friend and learn more about him, spend time with him etc. And yeah, we had the opportunity to spend a bit of time chatting together and I just think he's really nice and I enjoy being around him. And I think it's really weird, because I'm very much aware of the fact that I have no reason to actually like him. Like yeah, there are some people with whom I feel more comfortable, or people I find really nice etc. But I never got this feeling of really wanting to be friends before. And it feels so weird, like why him ? Among all the people I met at the same moment, why would it be him ? It doesn't make any sense to me, because I don't know him personally, so how could my brain like him ? It's not a bad feeling at all honestly, but I just don't understand, and I don't know what to think about it. And also I'm a bit afraid because I don't know how to act, like I try to be friendly in a "normal" way but I don't want to be rejected I guess. A part of me thinks that I'm just so weird because it really really doesn't make any sense for my brain. Well that's all, I don't really have a question (except if someone have a logical explanation to this phenomenon XD), I just wanted to say it, but any response of any sort (just be nice please XD) is welcome :) Anyway, thank you for reading <3

Thank you everyone for your replies ! You're right, I think it might be better to try to start now that I can. I probably needed more motivation and convincing points, so thank you for that <3

Heyy people !! So yeah, let's get into it. Things started to get not so good about my mental health maybe 1.5 years ago. At first, I was like yeah that's okay it will pass. But it didn't really pass, it was just kind of an oscillation between ok-but-kinda-neutral moments and terrible ones. Some moments were really bad, and during those moments I thought that I really needed to maybe seek professional help, but it was always a time when I couldn't start the process (I had to move quite a lot, had an internship in between, didn't have a lot of energy and motivation to start, I was quite afraid etc). And so right now, I'm in an ok phase. During those times back then, I used to always think "oh cool I'm doing better, this time it will stay for sure, no need for therapy then". Haha lol, I'm optimistic. This time is actually the first time that I seriously consider the possibility that "the bad brain" might come back. So a part of my brain is like "we should go to therapy, we never know" and the other part is like "haha no we're good". I know the most rational thing would be to start the process, especially because even if I feel ok, there are a looot of issues that are unresolved, I just manage not to think about them too much right now but they're not gone. But at the same time, I don't want to go and then having to talk about all the things I don't want to think about. Or go there in front of the therapist and say "well actually I'm ok, not sure if I need you right now". But at the same time, even if I'm ok now, it's strange because I don't really feel there, everything is quite empty. And also the thought of some things or situations used to make me feel bad just some weeks ago, but now when I think about them I don't feel anything, like everything I think about is absolutely neutral most of the time. And even if it feels "good" compared to how my brain used to feel in the bad moments, maybe be it's a bit not normal. And also I can't fall asleep. So I'm like yeaaah maybe I should go now, but at the same time I'm not sure I need it. Some months ago I was really really sure about the fact I should try therapy, but now I'm lost between the two sides. I don't know if I need motivation, or if I need to be convinced about the fact that I actually do need therapy even if I don't feel like it. And I'm afraid to go there and feel bad again (because it will maybe dig up some things), so maybe I should go when I'm not good, so that it makes me feel better instead of worse. But at the same time if/when I feel bad again, maybe I will not be able to have enough motivation energy time etc. to start. Aaaaaa I don't know. I don't even know if I have a question to ask you guys haha, just a bit of venting and also if some of you have something to say or to share, that might be very helpful Thank you for reading this far (and sorry for writing this much) <3

Thank you @Aether ! Yeah I hope that at some point she will understand a bit better my side, or at least that she will explain why she's mad at this point. Still no news about that, same silence for the last 3 days. Maybe she's doing it on purpose to do to me what I did to her in a way, some kind of revenge. I don't know but I'm sad. Anyways About what you said about friendship, I used to hope that I would find someone like that too, but I try not to hope too much because it's been a while and I don't want to wait for something that might never come haha. But we never know I guess I wish dogs could live longer tho

Thank you for the replies !! Little update, this morning she was still not responding, so I said that I was sorry if I said something harmful, and that I was just trying to explain how I understood the situation and explain to her that it wasn't clear for me that she wanted to know what I was away. So she responded that she was mad, that's why she didn't replied for 2 days. And she said she felt like I was taking her for a fool by saying it wasn't clear for me that she wanted to know, that it was really clear she wanted to know because she said she was worried. And she said that I was probably pretending I didn't understand that because I wanted her to feel guilty, and that if I need that much attention from her I need to ask it clearly instead of saying that she wasn't clear with me. And I responded by explaining (again) that I didn't understand that she wanted to know because it just wasn't clear to me (like if a blind person bump into you and say that they haven't seen her, is she going to think their taking her for a fool ? I don't think so). I just didn't understand what she wanted, that's why I didn't explain it right away. And so I told her that apparently she's not the fool one here, I am, if it was so obvious that she wanted to know the reason and I couldn't understand it. And she just replied (maybe 10h ago) that she doesn't know what to reply, and that she will see later. I don't know why she's still mad, even now that she knows I didn't do it on purpose to make her feel bad, it's just that I didn't understand. I don't know how it will end, but I hope she will tell me why she's that mad at me. I understand that she could be mad at first, because she seemed the think that I was pretending and everything. But I explained that it wasn't the case, so why is she still mad and still not really replying ? Maybe she thinks I'm lying to her ?? Idk but I never lied to her before Anyway I'm waiting now But as time passes, I feel like I don't want to make new friends. And don't want to be let down and then feel shitty for a reason I ignore because of someone. Sometimes I feel like people see friends as disposable and it's not worthy to fight for them. I think I have a too high esteem for friendship, but I never met someone for whom it was the same, so I might as well stay forever friendless (and single). I'll just adopt a dog

Heeyy, thank you for your replies, it helped. I see what you mean by saying I sound contradicting. I don't feel this way about it, because what I was trying to say is that I used to feel close enough to her to automatically let her know why I needed to be away (and to feel like I owe her the explanation), because she was one of the closest friend I had, so it used to feel natural to tell her this kind of things. But it's been more than a year since she took her distance, and now things are different. I still consider her my friend, but she decided by herself to lower our level of friendship, if that makes sense. And in the situation we are now, I don't consider absolutely having to inform her about everything anymore. And it's not just because she hurt me, I think it's more because she started to do it to begin with. Basically, before, we used to talk so often that I was worried if I didn't hear from her during 2 hours. Then, when she got in her relationship, she could spend many hours or a whole day without texting or responding to me, because (I quote) she was busy or enjoying the moment 100% or the relationship was a lot of dopamine in her brain and that she couldn't think about anything else so she forgot to text etc etc. And she did that many times, and I talked to her about it and how it made me feel bad and she apologized, then did it again, and I told her again etc. So I some point, I started to feel like if she acts like this all the time, maybe I don't have to explain myself when I act similarly. So yeah, that's why I said I don't feel like I did something wrong by not letting her know, I don't feel wrong because I feel like I'm just treating her the way she's been treating me for more than a year. It sounds childish when I say it like that, but the reality is that I feel like I tried my best to save things for a while, but now I'm tired and I'm starting to accept it, and I try to make it more balanced (by adjusting my way of seeing and acting according to hers). So we didn't specifically agreed to not warn the other when we decided not to talk, but she started to do it a while ago, and after months of her doing it and me trying to adapt, this is the first time I do it, and she makes me feel like I'm a monster (I know that I was away 3 days while what she used to do was more around 1 day so that's different, but I'm not sure the problem here is the number of days) . Maybe there's something that I don't understand, something about this I can't see. That's why I explained my point of view to her, to have her point of vue, but she's not responding, so I posted it here, because I try to understand what is wrong with me, what makes her react like that. And about the communication thing, I feel like I communicated a lot. I don't do it that much anymore because it looked really annoying to her and I don't want to loose my friend because I'm annoying. But from the start, from the moment I started to feel hurt about her distance and everything, I told her and I explained to her how I was feeling etc. She used to apologize sometimes, and the other times she used to say that some things change, people change, that it's part of life etc (which is probably true but hearing that from her as if she wasn't the cause of it was a bit painful). And basically, in the yesterday texts she didn't replied to, I talked about my feelings to, about how what she just did that made me feel shitty etc. So I don't think it's a communication issue from my side (or I'm over communicating maybe) And so some weeks ago we talked about that (how I felt about us etc), and I saw she was annoyed (she said it), so I said that I will try not to talk about that (=my feelings about the decline of our friendship) that much anymore, and she said ok. So I was trying not to talk about that, but yesterday she told me the thing I talked about in my first post. And I think she didn't mean to make me feel bad about myself and make me feel like I did something wrong, that's why I tried to explain my point of view. And I expected her to explain hers because I want to understand what I did wrong there, or what makes her feel like I did something wrong, but she's still not responding and I'm starting to panick. And I don't quite understand why she's mad or why she's not responding, that's why I'm asking you if there's something that I did that was wrong even if I can't see it. I don't know, maybe I should just apologize and tell her to forget about what I said (but a part of my brain tells me it's not a really healthy way of sorting out the situation). But I guess I don't want to lose her for "silly" things (that don't feel silly at all for me but maybe it is), so I'm considering it. Aaaaaaaa I don't know (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Hey there So I'm starting to wonder if I am maybe overreacting and making a whole lot out of nothing. And I know that it annoys one of my friend and I'm worried she's starting to be fed up with me. So basically, a few days ago I suddenly felt the urge to put my phone away, to cut social networks, WiFi and everything (I only used my phone for the lamp). For some reason notifications, the news, all that was really stressing me out, and I just stopped suddenly everything for a while instead of being constantly triggered and panicked. It lasted about 3 days, and when I came back I saw texts from a friend saying the usual stuff but also in the middle of them, a text saying that she hoped I was ok and that she was worried. But the problem is maybe I tend to understand everything at face value, I'm bad at understanding what is implied, I just get what is strictly said. So for me she didn't ask if I was ok, she didn't ask why I was away (she just said that she hoped I was ok, which is not the same thing for me). But she knows that about me already. Anyway so I responded to her other texts without saying anything about being away, thinking that if she wants to know, she can just ask. So she asked and I explained everything, and then she seemed to be a bit mad because she asked me why I didn't explain that to her right away, why I ignored the fact that she said she was worried etc. As if I was the insensitive one ?? She's not reacting to the explanation I gave her (even if it shows a certain extent of bad mental state from me), she's not asking why I was feeling that way or if I'm better now, as a worried person would do imo. She's just making me feel bad about the fact I didn't tell her, and making me feel like I owe her an explanation, and that I ignored something she never asked for. Tbh it seems that she's upset about not being informed, not actually worried about me. And so when I responded to her text about why I didn't tell her earlier (basically she wanted me to explain everything straight when I "came back", without her asking for it), I maybe was a bit overreacting. I send maybe 10 texts to explain, because i feel like people never understand what I try to say, so I try to be as clear as possible. And maybe my texts weren't exactly neutral, because I felt hurt by her behaviour, so yes I wasn't explaining everything like a teacher would explain something, I was explaining it like a hurting person would. And now it's been a day and she's not responding. I don't know, maybe she's waiting for free time to respond, but I think she's annoyed. And for context, this friend is someone I used to talk to everyday like a looot, for about 3 years, but then she got into a relationship and got better in her life, and started to talk to me less. And when I asked her about that (about how and why the fact she's doing well and has a partner makes her almost stop talking to me, it wasn't logical at all for me), she said that talking to me that much helped her to distract herself from her negative thoughts back when she was severely depressed and also that she realised that she couldn't help me about my not-so-good mental health so she stopped trying to make it better, so she stop texting so much. And she made it sound like it was a normal thing to do but it made me so sad and broke my heart. And now I think I don't trust her as I used to. And I also feel like she's neglecting me in a way, it's probably not intentional, but the way she's been behaving towards me in recent months makes me feel like she doesn't respect me. Maybe I'm also over reacting and over thinking on this one ? But I can't see how you can treat like that someone you care for and you respect. I don't know about other people, but if I love and respect someone, I don't just take by myself the decision to reduce the lever of our relationship without informing the other one, and I don't make them feel annoying when they ask questions about it (she literally told me she was annoyed, some time ago). And if I love and respect someone, I asked them why they feel bad and is I can help, I don't ask them why I'm not informed about something I never asked for, as if they owe me an explanation. The truth is, months ago when things where different, I would probably have informed her right away about the fact I was away. But now, the way she behaved recently makes me feel like I don't owe her that anymore. And I always doubt whether she care about me or not, so I don't just assume that she does and act like it (I tend to wait for her to show me she does care before sharing anything). So yeah, I don't know if I'm oversensitive about this, if I'm feeling neglected or unrespected when I shouldn't, or if maybe I'm just a bad and annoying friend who's making a lot about nothing and who's sending 20 texts in a row for nothing. I just don't know, I feel like I have the right to feel and act the way I do, but the fact she always acts like everything she's doing is perfectly normal, it makes me doubt about the validity of my feelings. So a third party in this could be really helpful. I'm sorry it's that long, as always I tried to explain everything the best I could because I don't want to be misunderstood, but maybe here also people will read it and chose not to respond because it's too long haha. Anyway, thank you if you read this far, have a nice day <3 (And sorry if my english is not correct, I know it's not a valid excuse but it's not my 1st language haha)

People can say what they want about you but what matters is what you feel. I don't know exactly what romantic attractions are like, but what you're describing could be that (but I don't know honestly) I'm not saying you're not aromantic, but from what I have seen so far (my experience and some others), learning that one is aromantic is mainly a relief, not something panicking. It's a relief because finding a word to describe what you've felt for your whole life makes you feel better about yourself, makes you see that you're not alone and you don't have a problem. Even if I didn't like the idea of being aro at all at first, it was still a relief for me. So I don't know but that's something to think about. And being anxious about going out with someone doesn't mean you're aro (especially if you actually really want to go out with them, some/many aros don't want to go on a date at all, or they force themselves to go) But I think the most important is that you try to think about what you feel, and not what people say about you

Thank you all very much for your replies !! It helps a lot. And even if some of you don't relate, you still made me feel understood, not bizarre or inhuman (like my family did when I mentioned that to them haha). So thank you very much for that !! I've never heard of that before, I must admit. I've heard of apathy and how it can be related to some mental disorders, I know it's not exactly the same as what you're talking about but yeah, seems related. I don't have any diagnosis, I planned to start therapy in September tho. Maybe something will come out of it and maybe it will help me understand some things better (I hope so). Thank you !! And also thank you to the ones that suggested me to read about loveless aro, that's quite relatable. And it's a good reminder that I'm not the only one, even if it feels like it (I never met anyone in real life that is aro or anything). I'm really glad that some worries I had are starting to get away, mainly thanks to this forum. I don't feel like I'm weird and inhuman that much anymore, I'm starting to think that maybe my whole self is not actually a big problem. Thank you everyone for that. I'll give a hug to everyone of you in my dreams tonight <3

Heyyy. Yeah so that's my question. I think I'm aroace, or at least, any kind of emotion related to romantic or sexual attraction are totally foreign to me. But when I think about it, maybe it's not just these ones that I can't experience. I don't miss people when they're away, I'm not excited by exciting things, sometimes I smile or cry but I don't actually *feel* happy or sad. It's a bit hard to explain. I'm not sure I actually love my family and friends. Like, I used to think I loved them because their presence is nicer than being alone, I want them to be happy and I don't want them to leave my life, etc. I thought that was what love was about. But apparently you're supposed to actually *feel* something ? Not just thinking about them in a positive way, but a particular emotion ? I don't know exactly, I don't really understand. But I think I never felt any kind of emotion. Sometimes I do feel lonely, but really it mainly feels like absolute emptiness (rather than an actual feeling, it's more the deep lack of it). Sometimes, I do have a small glimpse of it, like during a concert in which my favourite singer sang my favourite song ever, or last week when a colleague-friend gave me a goodbye hug. I can't identify the thing I feel, it's just "something", very different to the usual "nothing". But then it goes away in seconds and even if I try hard to remember the feeling, there's nothing left. Can someone try to explain the thing ?Is it even possible to explain it, or is it like trying to explain the color red to a blind person ? But if I understand it, maybe I will realise that I just misunderstood the concept of emotions, which doesn't mean that i don't have any. Is it "common" to feel like this, along with being aroace, or am i the only one ? I feel like emotions just don't exist at all and people are under illusion, but maybe it's me, maybe I miss something, like I'm blind. I feel like I need to die and be reborn to actually feel things, it's weird. Well that's all, thank you for reading this far and have a nice day

Thank you for your reply :') It's a bit sad, i didn't think it was that common... Well. Thank you <3

Hey everyooone I was wondering : has it ever happened to you to "lose" a friend because they got into a romantic relationship ? About a year ago, the closest friend i ever had got into a relationship with someone, and from that point she started to be more distant. It was quite brutal to be honest, i could feel the change almost from one day to the next. So i started to wonder if she had replaced me with her partner. This thing happened to me once before this, with a close friend too, so i'm starting to think it might be "normal" ? I understand very well that when you get into a relationship, you might have less time for your friends (because you're spending more time with the partner and there are only 24 hours in a day). But i can also understand very well the distinction between "less time" and "less interest". She was my closest friend for years, we could share everything and i sincerely thought we were going to be friends for so many more years, if not for our whole life. We used to support each other a lot, like she wasn't at her best mentally, neither was i, so i was there for her always and i knew i could count on her when i was feeling low. But as soon as she got into this relationship, it was like i was sent to the backround of her life. And honestly i don't understand that at all. Either you care about someone or you don't, but how being in a relationship can change that ? I was starting to wonder if she even cared about me in the first place, or was it because of her severe depression that she cliged to me, because she had no one else ? It felt like she was doing better so she didn't need me that much to distract herself from her dark thoughts, so she just abandonned me. I couldn't find all these answers on my own so i just asked her, why and how did that happened. And she replied many things, many excuses, sometimes contradictory stuff. But she said things like "that's life, things change", and that she didn't replace me, that she still care about me a lot. But still i don't understand, like how ? How can nothing has changed for her towards me, but she still decided to drastically reduce my place in her life ? Is someone able to understand and explain that to me ? And also, this only seems to be happening with the really close friend who i trust a lot and with whom i talk all the time and ask everything about their life. With other friendships, i don't feel any difference in behaviour, and i don't feel abandonned and left out and neglected. Anyway, we still talk but it's really different from what it was before, it's pretty much small talks and nothing deep. And even if at a point i wanted to cut her off completely because it was too painfull for me to carry this "friendship" on, i didn't and i suffered in silence because no one seemed to understand what i felt and to think this situation was "justified" to cut off a friend. And i asked, for her what happened is "normal" and "part of life", like sorry ?? Am i the only one to feel that way ? Anyway, i'm very probably aromantic, so i wondered maybe it's why i don't understand. Because for me, nothing can compete with the kind of friendship we had, but apparently a romantic relationship can ? I don't know. I don't even know if i want to make friends anymore. What i felt at the beginning, 1 year ago, was the closest to what i thought a "heartbreak" was, even if i never experienced it (from a romantic relationship anyway) before. I try not to care that much, but it's been a year and i still think about it everyday, i think i'm starting to get insane. But at least, the "i try not to care that much" strategy seems so be working and i'm not sure to care about anything at all anymore. Sooo yeah, sorry that was very long (and sorry if there are mistakes, english is not my first language oupsi). Has anyone ever experienced this ? What can i do to make it feel better :') Thank youuu if you took the time to read all of that ! It's mostly venting so i'm sorry for that (i had so many other things to say but i think i should avoid to write a book on this forum, even if people are really kind) Thank youu <3

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm glad to hear you're kind of ok with it now. And it's nice to know that being worried about that is not necessarily permanent. Yeah, music does help (i cried for 2 hours when i went to my favourite singer's concert some months ago, but like happy tears, from comfort and feeling understood or something along those lines), and making art also ! I draw/paint sometimes, and i generally feel at peace, so that's quite nice. Anyway, thank you very much for you help, i wish you the best <3

Thank you so much for this. You said a lot of things that made me feel a bit better. Sometimes i feel trapped in where i am now, but you're right, things can change. And even if they don't, i might be okay. I always try to be the best version of myself, but i tend to refer to the world i live in and the people around me to figure out this version, and it doesn't work, possibly because i don't want/need what the world want for me. But you're probably right, i should probably figure out what is the best version of me for myself. I started to realise that a few weeks ago, when a friend distanced herself from me a bit, it made me understand that people will come and go (even the friends i thought would stick around forever), and i'm the only one that will be with myself till the end. So you're right about that to i think, the happiness i'm trying to find should be mine. About apathy and depression, thank you for the ressources ! And it's not offensive at all, don't worry. I read something about that somewhere. I don't want to self diagnose or anything, but i already suspected that i wasn't at my best for the last 2 or so years, mentally speaking. But as far as i can remember, i've always been sort of emotionless (but that also could be not exacly true because there's never any "emotion" or memorie of emotions in my memories, only images and sound somehow haha, so my understanding of how i was in the past might be biased). Anywayyy. I will probably start some therapy in the following months, and we will see what can get out of it. Thank you again for the help !! I'm really grateful. And thank you everyooone for the time, replies and help <3 <3

Thank you all for for your replies ! It's very kind that you took the time to answer and to give helpful elements <3 About seeking professional help, yes i've been thinking about it for a while and i might try it soon. I initially considered seen one for other issues unrelated to the emotionless thing, but if it might help for that too it could be cool Thank you again everyone, it's so nice being able to talk about that with people, instead of talking in my own head until 3 am XD