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Wanting other people to want me?


Guest Anonymous

Question

I'm aroace and non partnering. Most of the time, someone having a crush on me/flirting with me/trying to have sex with me etc is my worst nightmare, but other times I think that I'd be kind of offended if no one was attracted to me? I know a lot of people who do romance like it when someone admits to having feelings for them because it makes them feel like someone's chosen them and it helps them feel good about themselves, and for those reasons I want people to like or be attracted to me, but I also find the whole idea of anyone seeing me in a romantic light really uncomfortable. Does anyone else have similar feelings?

 

TDLR Want the ego boost of having someone like me romantically but also find it uncomfortable.

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this hits close to home. i had a total of 2 friends confessing to me and i got huge ego boosts from both; since i never showed my face at all nor my voice that often yet some1 was romantically attracted to me somehow. i dont feel uncomfy but i find it bothersome to have a person obsessing over me behind my back and idek its happening; its kind of unsettling in a way

i dont need this ego boost anymore tho; ill be ok as long as im surrounded by friends

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I want people to think I'm aesthetically attractive and enjoy my company. Often those things corelate to sexual or romantic attraction but that's just an unwanted byproduct for me.

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52 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Oh yeah, I thought that somehow I’d enjoy the mere boost from that but whenever someone so much as flirts with me I’m like “Ok who are you and what do you want!” It’s crazy how my opinions change the longer I don’t get reminded that I’m literally aroace. I’ve had so much incredible self doubt even though I am very obviously:

-Not interested in romance, in fact somewhat averse to it.

-I’m not at all interested in kissing and I hate romance plots.

-I literally just want friends but it just feels cliched to say. (As “friends” isn’t a term I use often and has kinda been considered somehow lower than other types of relationships.)

-I have to scientifically analyze if I like someone or not, and I’m always proven to not like that person that way.

-I keep mistaking every kind of attraction for romance immediately despite not wanting it.

-I have a hard time picturing it in my life.

And thousands of other reasons that my brain tends to forget! :D

My self doubt for being aromantic has died down a alot, but there'll be days where it'll just crash on me and I would need to remind myself of so many things that don't add up to being alloromantic, or at least just don't fit the norm that alloromantics (and also us aros) are "meant" to comply to.

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18 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

My self doubt for being aromantic has died down a alot, but there'll be days where it'll just crash on me and I would need to remind myself of so many things that don't add up to being alloromantic, or at least just don't fit the norm that alloromantics (and also us aros) are "meant" to comply to.

Oh yeah, ever since school ended today I’ve been so much more sure, it’s amazing what accidentally coming out and an aromantic awareness day can do. 👍

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I do. I'm a person who really cares about others opinions, even if I don't know them, so I want people to think I'm attractive. I don't necessarily need them to be in love with me (however I can't say I'm actually uncomfortable with that, I think what I'm worried about more is that I wouldn't be able to reciprocate their feelings) but I do want them to think I'm pretty and stuff like that. Just like you put it - I'd be kind of offended if no one was attracted to me.

 

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I was literally thinking about this not so long ago. It's hard to explain for me, because yeah I think it could be that subconscious ego boost that I would want from someone confessing to me/crushing on me, but it's also a bit more than that?

Like I said it's hard to explain, but I'm guessing, that because I've had meshes before that were really intense, sometimes I would want someone to like me so that I can see if I could like them back just like how I had liked people once upon a time before? But then again, I'm absolutely petrified by anyone confessing that they like me. Last year when I was a Junior in high school, two friends of mine confessed that they liked me, and I didn't really feel that ego boost? I mainly went into panic mode and I'm-sorry-that-I-can't-feel-the-same-way-at-all mode and tried to steer away their attraction while basically coming out to them.

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11 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I was literally thinking about this not so long ago. It's hard to explain for me, because yeah I think it could be that subconscious ego boost that I would want from someone confessing to me/crushing on me, but it's also a bit more than that?

Like I said it's hard to explain, but I'm guessing, that because I've had meshes before that were really intense, sometimes I would want someone to like me so that I can see if I could like them back just like how I had liked people once upon a time before? But then again, I'm absolutely petrified by anyone confessing that they like me. Last year when I was a Junior in high school, two friends of mine confessed that they liked me, and I didn't really feel that ego boost? I mainly went into panic mode and I'm-sorry-that-I-can't-feel-the-same-way-at-all mode and tried to steer away their attraction while basically coming out to them.

Oh yeah, I thought that somehow I’d enjoy the mere boost from that but whenever someone so much as flirts with me I’m like “Ok who are you and what do you want!” It’s crazy how my opinions change the longer I don’t get reminded that I’m literally aroace. I’ve had so much incredible self doubt even though I am very obviously:

-Not interested in romance, in fact somewhat averse to it.

-I’m not at all interested in kissing and I hate romance plots.

-I literally just want friends but it just feels cliched to say. (As “friends” isn’t a term I use often and has kinda been considered somehow lower than other types of relationships.)

-I have to scientifically analyze if I like someone or not, and I’m always proven to not like that person that way.

-I keep mistaking every kind of attraction for romance immediately despite not wanting it.

-I have a hard time picturing it in my life.

And thousands of other reasons that my brain tends to forget! :D

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