Do you worry if you hadn’t had CSA, you wouldn’t be aro?

[Anonymous]

Is anyone else wondering if they would always have been aro if they didn’t experience CSA? I recently found out I’m aro and I’m a little worried it’s because of the CSA I experienced

[HelloThere]

3 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Is anyone else wondering if they would always have been aro if they didn’t experience CSA? I recently found out I’m aro and I’m a little worried it’s because of the CSA I experienced

Wdym by csa?

[HelloThere]

8 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Ok I really can't relate but I'd try to ignore what could have been and focus more on what is now. My doubts personally came from wondering if i would have be more for a relationship if I didn't know I was aroace. I mean I'm not sure and I've lost some sleep over it but its not something that can be undone so I'd try to focus more on now amdthe future.

[SwiftySpeedy]

24 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Childhood Sexual Abuse

I don't even know what to say because this is such a dark subject matter without coming off offensive or unknowledgeable. My only recommendation is to talk to a mental health professional like a therapist or someone else who can help you. Hopefully, with their help, you can figure out why your Aro and if it's related to the abuse, and maybe even get over the trauma.

[Picklethewickle]

I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I wish I could make that better. All I can say on the matter is that I've never been assaulted at any point in my life, and I'm still aroace.

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, HelloThere said:

Wdym by csa?

Childhood Sexual Abuse

[CareLuv]

Your identity is how you experience yourself in the present moment. If you experience yourself as aro, then you are. You are NOT an imposter. Even if your abuse is a contributing factor, it doesn’t make your identity any less valid or real. And it also doesn’t mean that being aro is wrong or a defect. It’s where you are within yourself, and you are allowed to be there. If being aro causes you distress I would recommend seeking mental health services to support you through those feelings. If it doesn’t cause you distress and you embrace your aro identity, then it’s ok to let yourself do that. This is especially true if the sense of community is healthy and uplifting for you. I always wondered if my avoidant attachment style is what makes me aro and somebody pointed out that I can be both avoidant and aro at the same time (which is true for me). You can be a survivor and aro at the same time as well.

 

[DeltaAro]

I could go into some personal TMI, but I leave it very short: I was groomed as a child by a much older teen, but dodged it last minute. My parents downplayed these incidents (though they never ignored the most inconsequential "wrongdoing" by me), because he was the son of my parents' friends. But this was very serious, as it turned out he was a committed SO who later abused other children. So even though "nothing happened" to me, it had a bad effect on me, since I felt betrayed and unable to trust adults. But I don't consciously feel any connection to my aromanticism.

I looked for studies, and found two linking CSA and asexuality (not aromanticism) but they were just speculation, that asexuality is a "defense mechanism".

One would assume there should be hard empirical data for this, but I haven't found any.

Very old, but still relevant (it's about asexuality to aromanticism):

Quote

The (non) link between Asexuality and CSA

One of the most common incorrect assumptions about asexuality is that aces must be 'broken' in some way (after all, a constant-to-raging sex drive is not only normative but is seen as "healthy"). One of the most common responses to this is that people become ace because they've been sexually assaulted or traumatized in some way. This tends to be incorrect as one doesn't necessarily follow the other.

There are people like me, though, who happen to be asexual and to have survived sexual trauma or assault. Even the most progressive, forward-thinking, and sex-positive of recovery guides (that I've found) ignores this possibility. It feels like double-erasure, if that's even a thing. It causes me to feel re-victimized every time. That might just be me being too sensitive, though.

Are there other groups that get double-erased like that?

In short, many people are aro/ace and never experienced CSA. And the other way around.

On 6/24/2023 at 6:05 AM, CareLuv said:

Even if your abuse is a contributing factor, it doesn’t make your identity any less valid or real.

Yes!!

[CanadianBird]

Ironically it made a particular feeling easier to pin point, I think.

[Collie]

CSA survivor also, I don't think my being aromantic has anything to do with it. Whether that's the case or not for you, is up to you to determine. But they aren't necessarily connected.