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CareLuv

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  • Name
    Care
  • Orientation
    Aromantic & Bi
  • Pronouns
    She/Her
  • Location
    Oregon

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  1. Yes I’m glad to be single. I do want a qpp at some point (like a committed friend that I may or may not sleep with) so I have another person to pool resources with. Something practical.
  2. Hello all. Posting because I want to see if others can relate. Before I could articulate I was aro I created problems for myself by telling people I love them. I didn’t realize how I was coming off because I don’t know what it’s like to say I love you in a romantic sense. I love a LOT. So much it is painful...and I like to express that affection to others so they understand what they mean to me. It wasn’t until two of my friends told me their husbands were accusing them of cheating on them with me that I started to learn I can’t genuinely express my affection to most people without being misinterpreted. It doesn’t feel good to not be able to tell people what they mean to me :( has this happened to anybody else?
  3. I agree. I don’t want to be stereotyped based on my appearance. But…I can also understand wanting an aesthetic so people can feel a greater sense of community by dressing similarly. I found some pretty cool aro pride clothing on Etsy. The artwork is beautiful - it’s pretty subtle too so you aren’t likely to out yourself wearing it. I was thinking of getting a ring. Very cool that you have a bracelet!!!
  4. The first person I told was my ex-partner when we were breaking up (as the reason we were breaking up). He is HIGHLY allo. I would ask him to stop giving me gifts etc and instead of respecting my romantic boundaries he would just call me ungrateful and keep doing it. I only got into the relationship to begin with because I thought I’m supposed to want to be in relationships, not because I actually did want to. Neither of us knew I was aro when we started dating and we hit breaking point after breaking point. Then one day I was in bed reflecting on the way all my supposedly romantic relationships fell apart. I thought to myself, “I’m kind of…a-romantic. Is that a thing?” Then I googled it and to my relief, found that it is indeed a thing. Shortly after I ended it with him. I told my roommate in passing and one other friend who I then found out is also aro. I go to a couple queer meetups and I came out to both groups. Some people didn’t even know what aro is, but now they do! My family would never be able to understand so I don’t bother with them. I’m more comfortable coming out to other queer folks overall and have had good experiences with that so far. Yes that’s basically what happens with me most times.
  5. I figured out I was aro when I was around 26 (now 31). Haven’t been super involved in the community until recently. These are EXCELLENT tips. I’m guilty of publicly calling romantic attraction weird and immediately regretted it. You’re right - those are potential allies. Will definitely keep this post in mind moving forward.
  6. Ok, that’s what I suspected. I’m in Portland, OR, so I figure it might be easier for me here. People are a lot more open. Kind of wish my best friend wasn’t married as she would be open to it otherwise. Oh well - I’m content single. Maybe I’ll meet someone looking for the same practicality some time. Thanks for the reply!
  7. Hey all. Hope you’re hanging in there! I’m posting to ask about people’s experiences with QPPs. I’m not currently seeking one - just thinking about the future. Having another committed person to pool resources with and be able to rely on for help/support seems very practical and safe. I wouldn’t really care what I or the other person did in terms of safe sex (with others or each other) as long as we felt we could stay committed to the QPP as we define it. How hard has it been for people to find relationships like this? I don’t know many people who would be down for that type of amorphous arrangement. I feel like this would be really rare.
  8. Your identity is how you experience yourself in the present moment. If you experience yourself as aro, then you are. You are NOT an imposter. Even if your abuse is a contributing factor, it doesn’t make your identity any less valid or real. And it also doesn’t mean that being aro is wrong or a defect. It’s where you are within yourself, and you are allowed to be there. If being aro causes you distress I would recommend seeking mental health services to support you through those feelings. If it doesn’t cause you distress and you embrace your aro identity, then it’s ok to let yourself do that. This is especially true if the sense of community is healthy and uplifting for you. I always wondered if my avoidant attachment style is what makes me aro and somebody pointed out that I can be both avoidant and aro at the same time (which is true for me). You can be a survivor and aro at the same time as well.
  9. @the more the merrier thank you so much! I didn’t realize there were so many other aro folx out there asking the same question! This helps me a lot and makes me feel less alone. I don’t know if my therapist even knows what aromanticism is to be honest. I’m going to bring it up at our next session to see what he says. I’m definitely going to check out your book recommendation though - my therapist recommended Attached by Amir Levine and it’s ALL about romantic relationships and it’s hard for me to relate to a lot of it. Thank you again!!! @Atypique hello! Thanks for the reply. I wouldn’t be great at explaining it myself, but here’s a link if you’re interested! https://www.psychalive.org/anxious-avoidant-attachment/
  10. Hello all – hope you are all hanging in there. I am posting because I am wondering about other people’s thoughts regarding aromanticism versus an avoidant attachment style. I have identified as aromantic for years now, but now in therapy, my therapist and I are examining my attachment style, which is definitely avoidant… I am trying to figure out how to tell the difference between having that attachment style and knowing if I am aromantic. I still think I’m aro, but it does make me question myself. Anyone have any thoughts? I’d super appreciate any insights you may have!!
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