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Too focused on the label?


Saber_Wing

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On 01/09/2016 at 11:35 PM, SoulWolf said:

I definitely never did fit in with straight people... but at the same time, I also don't really feel like I can claim to be part of the LGBTQ+ community either. I feel basically "too weird" to fit in anywhere.

???

(I always joked that at high school I belonged to the "miscellaneous" group i.e. the group of people that were too weird to fit in with any of the other pre-established groups :P)

 

I actually  "fit in" fine now, in terms of being able to establish friendship groups as an adult. But if the conversation topic ever goes to personal relationships (e.g. at work) I tend to stay quiet and not have much to contribute. Same as @Mark was saying further up, I'm often just stuck there thinking "That sounds like a traumatic experience. But I can't help much, since I'd never go there to start with." So yeah, in terms of life priorities and relationship goals, I basically still am "too weird to fit in anywhere" :D

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22 hours ago, NullVector said:

I guess I always thought of being in a romantic relationship as happening due to some very exceptional set of circumstances. Such as finding a person you have enough time and respect for to go through all the hassle and emotional trauma of getting into the romantic relationship in the first place xD

Oh yes, I thought something similar: “Forming an enjoyable (nothing to say of stable and long-term) romantic relationship must be a major, difficult “life achievement”, like getting a PhD?!? Why is it so easy for everyone else?”

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14 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

like getting a PhD?!?

Hahaha, well since I've actually done this, it surely means that getting into a romantic relationship is comparatively more difficult than getting a PhD xD (not that I put anything like equivalent effort into attempting the former vs. the latter, of course ;)

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I agree that labels can be a distraction sometimes. We see many discussion on this forum about trying to find the term that fits their exact preferences and feelings. That's good but sometimes I wonder if a part of it is the need to find approval; to show that it is real, it has a name. No one should have to give proof for their feelings or preferences.

 

I find the label very useful most of the time. If the topic comes up in a text conversation I say that I'm aromantic and the other person then looks it up for themselves. I also think the label emphasizes that it's an orientation, not a choice. Since most people have an understanding of sexual orientation I extrapolate that and explain that the same thing exist for romantic feelings. But most of the people I've "come out" to is people who've asked me out. In general conversation I don't usually bring it up at all.

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