What is the difference between platonic and queerplatonic attraction?

[LoganTheAxolotl]

On another topic of mine, I remember seeing comments about queerplatonic and platonic being different. I currently identify as demiplatonic(along with other things). I've always thought that platonic and queerplatonic were the same exact thing. But thinking about it, platonic means like friendships without kissing and stuff, and doesn't queerplatonic mean to have friendships with cuddling and kissing. And I want to have friendships with cuddling and kissing but without really dating that person. So, I'm very confused. Help.

[hemogoblin]

We were just discussing this on tumblr, actually. Queerplatonic is a relationship label, not an attraction label. People may desire a queerplatonic relationship off of platonic or alterous attraction (or any other number of factors), but queerplatonic attraction isn't really a thing because queerplatonic is meant to signify a relationship type: a type of relationship that queers the societal expectations of other relationships. I hope that makes sense! I don't have much to add because I think the comparison to desiring marriage versus "marriage attraction" really helped me. :)

In case you don't know, alterous attraction is an attraction based on a desire for emotional connection that is either not romantic nor platonic OR is romantic/platonic in some aspect but the experiencer is uncomfortable as referring to it as such.

Now as to what a queerplatonic relationship means: it is purposefully vague, as that is the entire point of the relationship queering societal norms/expectations. A QPR can mean many different things. Here's a bunch of people talking about their QPRs and one person going over theirs in detail. What makes it a queerplatonic relationship is that's how the people in the relationship have decided to define it. Do you feel that platonic or committed platonic relationship describes what you want? Or do you feel queerplatonic is a better descriptor? Which terms make you comfortable? Labels are never about fitting into specific boxes. They are communicative tools that help us share  a simplified version of our feelings/selves with others. That's why there is no wrong choice you can make about a label, whether that's an identity label or relationship label. You get to define your feelings and your life.

One person who wants what you do may feel that platonic is the best descriptor. Another may choose queerplatonic. Both are valid choices. It depends on what language is meaningful to you.

[LoganTheAxolotl]

18 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

We were just discussing this on tumblr, actually. Queerplatonic is a relationship label, not an attraction label. People may desire a queerplatonic relationship off of platonic or alterous attraction (or any other number of factors), but queerplatonic attraction isn't really a thing because queerplatonic is meant to signify a relationship type: a type of relationship that queers the societal expectations of other relationships. I hope that makes sense! I don't have much to add because I think the comparison to desiring marriage versus "marriage attraction" really helped me. :)

In case you don't know, alterous attraction is an attraction based on a desire for emotional connection that is either not romantic nor platonic OR is romantic/platonic in some aspect but the experiencer is uncomfortable as referring to it as such.

Now as to what a queerplatonic relationship means: it is purposefully vague, as that is the entire point of the relationship queering societal norms/expectations. A QPR can mean many different things. Here's a bunch of people talking about their QPRs and one person going over theirs in detail. What makes it a queerplatonic relationship is that's how the people in the relationship have decided to define it. Do you feel that platonic or committed platonic relationship describes what you want? Or do you feel queerplatonic is a better descriptor? Which terms make you comfortable? Labels are never about fitting into specific boxes. They are communicative tools that help us share  a simplified version of our feelings/selves with others. That's why there is no wrong choice you can make about a label, whether that's an identity label or relationship label. You get to define your feelings and your life.

One person who wants what you do may feel that platonic is the best descriptor. Another may choose queerplatonic. Both are valid choices. It depends on what language is meaningful to you.

Thank you for the help!

[nonmerci]

18 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

We were just discussing this on tumblr, actually. Queerplatonic is a relationship label, not an attraction label. People may desire a queerplatonic relationship off of platonic or alterous attraction (or any other number of factors), but queerplatonic attraction isn't really a thing because queerplatonic is meant to signify a relationship type: a type of relationship that queers the societal expectations of other relationships. I hope that makes sense! I don't have much to add because I think the comparison to desiring marriage versus "marriage attraction" really helped me. :)

In case you don't know, alterous attraction is an attraction based on a desire for emotional connection that is either not romantic nor platonic OR is romantic/platonic in some aspect but the experiencer is uncomfortable as referring to it as such.

Now as to what a queerplatonic relationship means: it is purposefully vague, as that is the entire point of the relationship queering societal norms/expectations. A QPR can mean many different things. Here's a bunch of people talking about their QPRs and one person going over theirs in detail. What makes it a queerplatonic relationship is that's how the people in the relationship have decided to define it. Do you feel that platonic or committed platonic relationship describes what you want? Or do you feel queerplatonic is a better descriptor? Which terms make you comfortable? Labels are never about fitting into specific boxes. They are communicative tools that help us share  a simplified version of our feelings/selves with others. That's why there is no wrong choice you can make about a label, whether that's an identity label or relationship label. You get to define your feelings and your life.

One person who wants what you do may feel that platonic is the best descriptor. Another may choose queerplatonic. Both are valid choices. It depends on what language is meaningful to you.

I never thought about it this way. I always thought queerplatonic attraction was a thing as from what I see, the feelings involved are different than platonic, but indeed the true word would be alterous attraction.