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is what im feeling valid?


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thank all of you that helped me out with this. I deleted this post because it wasn't really needed anymore and I didn't really want to keep getting notifications about it as me and the person this was about are friends again!

Edited by sydd
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5 hours ago, sydd said:

so I thought should reach out to the romantic community because I need some advice.

Not sure if it's a typo so just making sure your aware this is the Armoantic community (No romance). It's a really spelling mistake a lot of spellcheckers will make. 

Also a note, I'm AroAce so I have the most shared experiences with your friend rather than you but I do take in a lot of information so I will try to help you out. 

Firstly your feeling are valid always. The reasoning for the feelings maybe be not a great but feeling themselves should never be discounted. What may be happening here is your friend is discovering themselves and it's a very confusing time where you aren't sure what you are feeling and which type of attraction certain feelings are. It a confusing time and there are many types of Aro/Ace with Demi, Gray and Flux variations on both orientations. There is also the expectation to be in a relationship so you pretend till you can't pretend anymore, such as not wanting to ruin a friendship over something they don't/can't actually care about. 

I don't know how your feeling and I'm not going to try and guess because there is very little I can relate to. I would explain to your friend that you want some space while you get over this but, if you do still want to be friends then day that. This is a complicated thing and maybe you could suggest just talking over text for now. It give both of you more time and space to think about what you want to say. 

If they are AroAce they might not realise just how much it means to you and how hurt you are by their casual announcement. You may not be able to be mad at their choices but you can be annoyed at the way in which the news was delivered. I hope this helps and you are able to feel better about it at some point. If you want to chat more about it either comment or private message me. Best of luck to you.

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6 hours ago, sydd said:

so I thought should reach out to the romantic community because I need some advice. I've had romantic feelings for one of my friends for the past year. They have been in romantic relationships before and never said anything about being aromantic. I talked to them about how i felt and they said that they liked me too. but the next day they told me they were questioning if they were aro/ace. I completely understood that it is entirely their decision and told them that. But they said they wanted to ask me out on a date. I asked so many times if they were sure that they wanted to ask me out. Because I really liked them and didn't want to get heartbroken and it would be much easier for me if they waited until they were sure. after about a week they stopped talking to me as much which was really odd for them as we were friends before we were interested in each other. 

this past weekend we went to a band competition and were on the same bus. we were performing in different groups so I didn't see them all that much. they really didn't talk to me the whole day; whenever I snapped at them, I was left on opened multiple times. I tried congratulating them on first place and just tried to spark a conversation but I kept being left on opened. I ended up telling them that I was really upset about them leaving me on open and they apologized. but later that night they texted me and told me that they no longer had feelings for me. but they didn't say it as if they were telling me right then. they said it as if they had told me beforehand. they simply mentioned it and moved on. 

I understand that they were figuring themselves out but it really hurt to just have that information dropped so casually as if my world hadn't been shattered at that moment. I'm trying to create some distance between us right now because I don't think I can handle being just friends. I don't know if I'm valid for being mad at them. I know I have no right to be mad at their relationship choices but it still really hurts. you know?

It’s definitely fair to be disappointed and sad that your feelings aren’t reciprocated, and I think you are handling it really well considering the manner they told you.

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On 2/28/2023 at 2:23 PM, hemogoblin said:

Feelings are always valid. They are never right or wrong. They just are. We cannot help what we feel, only what we choose and how we act.

It's like the good old saying, you can have the thought, but how (and whether) you act on it matters. I don't think any one famous said anything about this it's just a saying I heard a lot growing up.

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thanks for the advice from all of you! we were able to work it out and are now actually dating. I communicated how I felt with them and we talked it out. They just needed time to understand how they felt and to see if they actually had romantic or platonic feelings. I did give them space and they were the one to talk to me first. after all of this happened. So again thank all of you for helping me out!

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