Themathlover Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 (edited) Hello everyone ! I'm writing today as a recently come in quoiromantic heterosexual cis girl. I'm just 15 yo but this is what I fit in at the moment. I'm gonna shortly clear up what it encompasses for me so that you better understand my problem. I think you all know that quoiromantic is an umbrella term referring to a vast range of feelings concerning romantic/aromantic attraction, including : -Having difficulty distinguishing romantic interest from other types of interest, such as platonic or sexual -Questioning romanticism and not understanding how it's supposed to feel, to the point that the process of questioning feels more "right" than any specific romantic/aromantic orientation -Finding the idea of romance inaccessible, complicated or nonsensical -Not being sure whether or not you experience romantic attraction -Being unable to comprehend romantic attraction as a feeling or a concept All of these definitions of quoiromanticism describe me perfectly, and after a few days of introspection and questioning, If can now say I identify with it. I you want to learn more about my thoughts on it, right there is a link to another discussion I had when I didn't have this account yet : Now, let's dive in my issue. As you've probably guessed from the title, it's about sexism and stereotypes, a very common thing, right =) ? The thing is I've been struggling with my identity for a long time, because I didn't rely on what was considered universal about boys and girls, and finding, or at least, better comprehending my identity, especially when I came in as quoiromantic, made me entirely break away from this and feel incredibly free and most importantly me, regardless of the normative expectations others have. I have to emphasize that discovering a whole organized community of persons who experience similar feelings as me is reassuring and comforting. I'm feeling valid, normal and human. I typed "human" in bold because it's completely genderless, and you'll understand later in my post this choice. A few months ago, I began to reflect on sexism and stereotypes. The process had started before, around 12, but wasn't really effective until 13 and a half-14. I realized at this period that there were forms of sexism among my peers. It was hard to cope with it, and I decided to try having conversations with them about it as I felt too neglected and affected by it. To be more precise, it was mainly about sexuality / asexuality and romance / aromanticism. I must warn you that I have NOTHING, but absolutely nothing, against ace-spec people, but I consider that assuming that someone is asexual, exactly like assuming that someone is on the sexual spectrum, heterosexual or anything else normative and stereotyped, can be very painful to this person. I lived it myself, and still do, so I do know how challenging it can be to have to put up with such situations. It's important to say this before I explain my problem, since certain ace-spec people could feel offended / left out with what I'm going to write. With that said, my parents assumed that all women were less sexual beings "by nature", that they were more emotional and therefore, that women lacking emotional connections to others and/or being confident with their sexual desires were "sick". As a quoiromantic and alloheterosexual girl, of course, seeing my own family, my friends, the Internet and the whole world agreeing on this and even providing "scientific evidences" to prove it mentally impacted me. I think it's particularly discriminatory against loveless aro women, but every other aro-spec women as well. I fortunately changed my parents' minds, and now, they accept me and everyone as different, even though I've not explicitely come out as quoiromantic yet for personal reasons. It was tough because I had to confess some things about my identity I didn't want them to know, or at least, felt compelled to do so, but this makes me feel way better within my family now. Being honest with them and talking about what bothers me with them makes the relation more authentic. However, I didn't change the mind of every other persons, we're 8 billion across the Earth and, according to my estimations, I wouldn't have time in my life to go turning all of these humans into less sexist creatures. Additionally, nowadays, the Internet is a requirement for school and most jobs, therefore, while using it, even for educative purpose, I frequently come across depressing contents about what has messed my life up : sexism, stereotypes, neurosexism, hate... Even though I try to avoid them. I've never cried as much as I do now before. I switch from an emotion to another simply by hearing someone telling something sexist, thinking of how many sexist things I've seen/heard/faced, I am also incredibly angry, I've never happened to be like this before. I used to be such a calm and maybe a bit cold person, stable in my emotions, but now, there's a constant rush of feelings in me. Most of the time, it's just sadness, hopelessness and depression, like a void, but anger tends to increase. I just can't stand this stuff anymore. All I want is to be recognized as a human, a whole particular person, with its own life, own orientations, own desires, and not put down and endlessly labeled with contradictory sexist ideas by others just because I was born in a woman's body. Nothing more. Why is it so hard to certain people to be like this ? Does anyone else feel the same as me ? Thank you for your responses ! Edited February 8 by Themathlover 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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