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What should I do when my friends doesn’t respect my boundaries


Max.and.my
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I have a friend who recently told me they have a crush on me. I told them I was aromatic and rejected them but after the told me they started not respecting my boundaries, like trying to make me sit on their lap even though they know I don’t like touch. It’s making me feel really uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do I have told them to stop manny times they just won’t listen. 

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If their attitude doesn't change, I think the best thing would be to consider kicking them out of your life, because if they don't respect your boundaries, they don't respect you. You could try talking to them and explaining the situation to them one more time, with the addition that if they don't stop you will drive them away from you.

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OK, you say you have told them to stop many times. First point in my opinion would be to add some consequences to this. I'm not going to tell you to cut out of your life someone you care about immediately, but if one day they overstep your boundaries at least end the conversation for that time. Make it an obvious fact that when they do these things that make you uncomfortable, they get pushed away from you, and if they want quality time with you they have to stop those behaviours. 

I remember people from my younger days who, as harsh as this is to say, only cared about boundaries when breaking those boundaries harmed them. 

If you continue to feel uncomfortable around them then you have to make the choice of whether to keep them in your life.

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43 minutes ago, roboticanary said:

OK, you say you have told them to stop many times. First point in my opinion would be to add some consequences to this. I'm not going to tell you to cut out of your life someone you care about immediately, but if one day they overstep your boundaries at least end the conversation for that time. Make it an obvious fact that when they do these things that make you uncomfortable, they get pushed away from you, and if they want quality time with you they have to stop those behaviours. 

I'll just add that you should stuck to your consequences for them. If they upset you and you feel you have to walk away, when/if they run after you apologising just say you are too angry/upset right now and leave. Don't immediately forgive them or start negotiating for behaviour change (do that at a later time) 

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