Trying to figure out if I'm aro

[Guest Confused]

Hey there?

I've never written in a forum so I'm sorry if this is kinda awkward (and please ignore any spelling mistakes)... Anyway I'm pretty sure I'm ace and I don't know  if I'm not aro too... Thing is I've never been in a romantic relationship. I've had a few dates during which I realised my interesed was solely platonic and I cut off the person completly, because it was kinda uncomfortable afterwards as they were clearly interested in me romantically. Also I only go for or "want"  somebody when everybody else does too... (Yes I am competitive).. On the otherhand I think I had chrushes because I sometimes see pretty people and want to hug them. But I also like hugging etc. with my friends soI don't really know where to draw the line between a romantic relationship and a close friendship... I have read a bit about aromaticism and I can relate some things, but others I don't feel. So, i dont know, please help? Thank you anyways

[nonmerci]

What I can say is that wanting to hug people is not necessary romantic attraction. It sounds more like sensual attraction to me.

Now I could be wrong. What makes you relate to aromanticism, and what makes you not relate?

[Guest Confused]

15 hours ago, nonmerci said:

What I can say is that wanting to hug people is not necessary romantic attraction. It sounds more like sensual attraction to me.

Now I could be wrong. What makes you relate to aromanticism, and what makes you not relate?

I do relate to aromanticism in the way that I worm myself out of romatic interactions and such and don't see the need to rush into a relationship right now, but I do want a relationship (although I don't know, if i only want that in a platonic way). I'm not good at drawing the line between friendship and romantic love, I just can't imagine the difference (that sounds weird, but understandable hopefully).

But also I like romance in fiction and even in daydreams... I don't know, I'm confused

May I ask what romantic attraction is then, because I always thought of it as wanting to hug someone and wanting to talk to them etc.?

[Holmbo]

Everything you wrote is things I've often seen expressed but other aros. Some aros want a romantic relationship but they never fall in love. You could also look into the concept of queer platonic relationship and see if that's something that interest you.

[nonmerci]

For what I understand, romantic attraction is more about wanting to date the person you are attracted to. It is true though people often express desire to hug, kiss or hold hands with their crush, for instance.

[Apex]

As an aro I can def relate to getting close with people who were interested in me romantically, and then cutting them off due to discomfort

And I also agree that thinking someone is pretty and wanting to hug them isn't necessarily romantic. Do you also have the desire to date these people? If someone like this expressed romantic interest in you, how do you think you would feel? If they wanted to hug or be close to you specifically as a form of romantic bonding/expression, would you still be comfortable with it?

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But also I like romance in fiction and even in daydreams... I don't know, I'm confused

This is actually somewhat common among arospec people. You can enjoy romantic movies, love songs, etc. and still be aromantic. Personally I can get crushes on fictional characters and will daydream about them, but I've never had feelings like that IRL.

Edited October 27, 2021 by Apex

[Guest Confused]

 

2 hours ago, Holmbo said:

Everything you wrote is things I've often seen expressed but other aros. Some aros want a romantic relationship but they never fall in love. You could also look into the concept of queer platonic relationship and see if that's something that interest you.

 I do want a relationship if it's romantically or queerplatonic, that I am pretty sure of.

52 minutes ago, Apex said:

Do you also have the desire to date these people? If someone like this expressed romantic interest in you, how do you think you would feel? If they wanted to hug or be close to you specifically as a form of romantic bonding/expression, would you still be comfortable with it?

I want to spend time with people like thatt and if they would ask me out I would see if it works I guess... To be honest I dont know what you mean with specifically romantic bonding/expressions. I am pretty close with my friends and we cuddle, hold hands go on "dates" etc. so that could be both platonic and romantic, so i think I would be fine with it