Jump to content

Just waiting for them to confess


Recommended Posts

So i have this friend that I’m almost completely sure has a crush on me, but I’m aroflux, and they’re allo. Any advice in how to explain or work it out without rejecting them?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

if it were me, I would ask myself the following questions:

if they confessed their feelings for you, how would you feel? do you like them? do you like them romantically? Do you want to reciprocate their feelings? would you go on a date with them if they asked? would you be their datefriend if they asked?

There were a number of people I would have totally dated if they asked, though only two people asked. I don't know if I felt romantic attraction for them though, I think the attraction I experience is alterous attraction and platonic attraction. 


If you decide that you would date with them if they asked, then you know that if they ask you would say yes! that makes it easier to explain being aroflux. You don't even have to explain it right away, let the relationship form naturally for ... however long makes sense. second date, or second day of interacting with them, sounds like an appropriate time to wait, or third or fourth date/day. depending on what dating them looks like. and tell them that you're aroflux. explain to them that you can feel romantic attraction, but don't always feel it, sometimes your feelings for someone lack the romantic element. Explain that you do want a relationship with them, and that you do like them a lot, but that sometimes you're aromantic and they might notice a change in your behavior during those times. Unless I misunderstand? I hope my advice makes sense and is helpful.


  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No idea

At some point though if they do have a crush on you and act on it you have a decision to make. Either try to get them into a relationship that works for you or turn down their offer. Sorry about that.

If you are going to try to make a relationship you are comfortable with i would recommend setting your boundaries quickly. If they want something you are uncomfortable with explain that to them first time, as cynical as this is my experience is that if you go along with something for a while  that will be held against you when you try to explain you aren't comfortable.

You don't have to explain being aroflux or why you feel the way you do right away, but at least make sure they understand what you are OK with.

Other than that, not a clue.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ask yourself, do you want to be with this person?

If the answer is no, talk with them and say that you want to be very good friends with them and you enjoy spending time with them but thats it. Yes it would be kind of rejection but if you don't want to be with them you have to voice it or the situation can be misunderstood and you may lose a friend. 

If the answer is yes/maybe, see if you can know for certain they have a crush on you or not, ask them questions about if they are seeing someone at the moment, what do they think about queer people (this is to know if they would be in a qpr or a relationship with someone queer/or if they are heavily influenced by heteronormativity). Ask them about themselves, to see if they are self centered or not. Know them better, evaluate them and you will find their reasons if they have or not. This is what I would do, and have done in the past. I like to know who am I really speaking to, and if its worth my time listening to them (if they have something to say that isn't blatantly racist or derrogatory).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...