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I might be aro?


Guest Zee
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Guest Zee

So i have been attracted to people before, but in hindsight i don't really think it was romantic.

With boys i would really like them. I would get super nervous and blush around them, but i did end up trying to date a couple. One boy, i liked him and we would flirt all the time. He asked me out and all of a sudden i was terrified. I lost feelings right there. I wanted to run and hide. I couldnt even look at him without feeling like i was going to have a panic attack. (I have had actual panic atracks and it was pretty simular). I would be relieved when they left me alone. 

When dating boys online i got bored pretty quickly and would break it off. I never even said i love you unless they said it first. The only time i ever cried over a boy was when me and my bff asked him out at the same time. I think i cried because she cried though, because thats the only time its happened.

With girls ive had feelings for a couple of them. I thought that i was a lesbian for a long time, but it never sticks. Thinking about dating anyone in general makes me want to cry.

I liked this girl a couple of years older than me and i thought she was super cool. I got jealous of her bf once (before she came out). I have litteraly only been jealous of someones partner one time. She held my hand once and i got butterflies for the second time in my 18 years.

I tried to think about dating her, but it never really seemed realistic. I knew she was gay so i thought maybe i could date her, but i dont think i ever really wanted to. I just couldn't get excited about it. All it took for me to lose feelings for her was her not answering one of my texts.

I cant even imagine an ideal date or future partner and life. The most i ever wanted to do with any of these people was to hug, hold hands or slow dance with. I also wanted to live with my bff after highschool. I honestly dont think ive ever wanted to kiss or date anyone.

Any advice would be appriciated. Sorry for the length. Thank you.

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There are a fair few people who lose romantic feeling when that feeling is reciprocated (I think Lithromantic can involve this but that isn't something I experience so I don't want to say that for certain) Maybe have a look at that sort of experience to see if it helps you, given your first story.

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Being aromantic is pretty normal (albeit uncommon) and is totally valid. If you are aromantic, there are others like you! 

 

I define romantic attraction as a compex and individual emotional attraction where one desires to be close with someone, and it leads to a desire for a romantic relationship with them. So if you've never desired a relationsip with anyone, that could mean you're aromantic. Romantic attraction isn't always desire for a relationship, but it leads to a desire for a relationship. 

 

You may have felt squishes for those boys you talked about, unless you feel it was actual romantic feelings. If it was romantic feelings, you could be lithromantic. But if you feel like you liked them as a friend, and not as a romantic interest, then it's possible that what you experienced was a squish, a nonsexual and nonromantic infatuation with someone, where you desire a platonic relationship with them, most often a friendship, or a closer platonic bond with them. A squish is the equivalent of a nonromantic crush, and the feelings of attraction are called platonic attraction, so if you think you haven't felt romantic attraction, platonic attraction could be what you felt. platonic attraction is nonromantic nonsexual feelings of attraction for someone, where you desire to get to know the person, or feel closer with the person, or establish a platonic relationship with the person.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think you should look into frayromantic. It's when you can experience romantic attraction but it fades once it's reciprocated (which kinda sounds like what you described at the beginning). Lithromantic might also work for you, since it's when you feel romantic attraction that you don't actually want reciprocated. You could also just forgo microlabels and go with "aromantic" as a more general term, if you want to (that's kinda what I did anyways lmao)

In general, if you feel you might be aromantic, you're free to label yourself as such. You don't have to worry too much about fitting into one strict definition of aromantic (since it is a spectrum and there are a lot of microlabels you might want to explore). 

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My advice? Do not focus on microlabels of you are unsure if a bigger label fits you or not. Explore yourself, ask the reasons you felt like you did. 

Starting with boys, did you like them physically or where you attracted to what they represented, their ideas, thoughts, behaviour. There are different kinds of attraction, so identifying which you felt would help you understand why you blushed, or why maybe romantic coded actions triggers a behaviour in you.

Same with girls, why you got butterflies, why you felt jealous, of what specifically. Do not shy from the answers, they are within you. Face it and dicover yourself ^^.

On the topic if you are aro or not. Mate, only you can label yourself. Now, having said that. My experience as an aroace is the next. I do not feel sexual nor romantic attraction to anyone. I view people like siblings, i like them sometimes, i hate them others, but that doesn't change that they are fam. I do not feel romantic nor sexual attractions to my siblings, so it is the smae for everyone around me. What I feel attraction is toward certain femenine things, but it is separate from my sexual and romantic attraction (For now I am identifying as transgirl to give you some perspective). I did introspection, and I divided my attractions. I thought I was attracted to women, but I wasn't really, I was attracted to what they represented and what I wanted. This is an example of how complex an identity is, and tricky to differentiate one from another. 

If you do not have feelings that are spontaneous, if you see someone and do not think involuntarily a sexual or romantic thought. If you think of everyone around you, your besties, or strangers as siblings. Then maybe you are aro. But that is up to you. You can be aro-spec, but don't go there if you are not sure you are in the spectrum. It is a lot to go into microlabels, some people find happiness in identifying with microlabels, some dont. Both are equally valid.

Hope this helps ^^

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