Questioning

[Guest Angel]

Hello all! Just wanted to ask a question real quick that I’ve been struggling with for a while- how do you know you’re aromantic? Like, I know I’m asexual but I’m questioning if I’m both asexual and aromantic. Though, I’m not sure because I fantasize being in a romantic relationship, but I don’t know if I’m just romanticizing romance or I actually want it/feel that way if that makes sense? If you could please help me it would be much appreciated, but if not don’t worry and I understand! Thank you!

[nonmerci]

I would ask : do you fantacize about romance in general (the idea of being in a romantic relationship feels nice, for instance) or do you feel that way about someone specific?

One thing that makes me realize I was aromantic is that I never look for romance because I feel that way towards someone, but because romance is the norm and I never think that not having crushes was an option.

[Guest Angel]

@nonmerci I’ve never felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction for anyone I don’t think, and feeling this way never bothered me, I honestly thought and still think it’s normal, for me at least. I never thought or questioned it for the longest time. 

There were times where I thought I was romantically interested in someone but figured out pretty quickly it was just platonic. Though I think the questioning came from when someone asked if me and said person were dating which made me think about it. Seeing a lot of cute romantic things makes me smile but in a way makes me feel isolated and disconnected because it is something I want but being unable to imagine myself in their shoes, it feels weird and uncomfortable.

 I want to say I just answered my own question by writing this but I’m hesitant to put a label on it even though I want to due to second guessing..

 

(Also I like your pfp, is it Luna Lovegood?)

[nonmerci]

Yes, Luna Lovegood. My favorite character in Harry Potter.

1 hour ago, Guest Angel said:

 I want to say I just answered my own question by writing this but I’m hesitant to put a label on it even though I want to due to second guessing..

Labels are meant to be useful. If you don't want to use it, don't. Some aces use "just ace" because they don't feel the need to label their romantic orientation.

[ScarfOfSexualPreference]

One thing that really helped my was looking at the You Might Be Aro If (YMBAI) section here or the same section for asexuality on AVEN!

[Just a Bear]

here is the thread You might be aro if.... It has a bunch of relateable posts about what being aro feels like. I don't think someone can definitively identify that they are romantic or aromantic, I think it has to be a judgment call. You have to basically decide that yes, you are x, based on your subjective feelings about romance. 

 

 

On 8/30/2021 at 2:59 PM, Guest Angel said:

because it is something I want

I think it's definitely possible to want romantic things and be aromantic, someone who wants romance but doesn't feel romantic for others would be cupioromantic. But also, Wanting romance in your life could be a sign that you can have those feelings. Oh but then, defining your orientation on what could be doesn't really make sense. It makes more sense to say, "I look aro now so maybe I am aro. If things change, I'll update my label"

 

 

For myself, how I determined that I might be aromantic is that I never actually pursued romance with anyone. I had strong feelings for people, but there never existed a desire to be romantic with them, every time my behavior with my "crushes" looked like befriending them / being friends with them. But right now I'm not 100% sure I'm aromantic, I feel I have to have those feelings again to say for sure if I'm aromantic or romantic.