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i dont know what this means


río
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im friends w this girl that i get along rlly well with. we dont see each other a ton but when we do we talk a ton. i feel rlly good around her & its a rlly good friendship.

ive experienced something similar to comphet w her, although in this case id call it compulsory alloromanticism ? like my brain does this thing where it tells me i should  like her, bc we get along rlly well & i like her a ton as a friend. but now that that's stopped, im in this weird place where i dont necessarily want  to be in a qpr w her, but if she asked, id 100% say yes. & i dont rlly know what that means. idek if i should talk to her abt it.

help ?? lol

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That's a tricky situation. I think that it would be good to reflect on why you would agreed entering in a QPR with her if she asked even though you don't necessarily want to be in a QPR with her. Thinking that we need to partner up is also deeply ingrained in society even if we get past the compulsory alloromanticism. As aros, some of us might especially worry about being left behind/alone and think that a QPR might prevent that from happening. Or perhaps we think that partnership is the most viable way to get needs met long-term, especially as people around us are getting into serious relationships and marriages and focusing on those. Or maybe afraid that if we don't agree to a partnership that we might lose the friendship. Of course, some people do genuinely want a partnership! 

So yeah, before you even talk to her about it, I'd suggest reflecting on whether or not you'd want a partner in the first place or if it's part of this ingrained societal thing that often accompanies comphet/compulsory alloromanticism/amatonormativity. So you can think about why you would say yes if she asked to be in QPR even though you yourself don't necessarily want that.  

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2 hours ago, río said:

im in this weird place where i dont necessarily want  to be in a qpr w her, but if she asked, id 100% say yes. & i dont rlly know what that means.

I think it means you need to spend some more time figuring out what kind of relationship you want with this person. What specific things do you want to do/share with her? What don't you want to do/share with her? Like Erederyn said, try to reflect and be honest with yourself about what you actually want for yourself, before signing up for something you're not sure about.

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On 8/9/2021 at 2:31 AM, río said:

im in this weird place where i dont necessarily want  to be in a qpr w her, but if she asked, id 100% say yes.

I'm definitely like this.  In college I felt like this to some of my friends, and I never knew what to do. Sorry I don't have advice for you, but I can really relate. 

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