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Broken hearts aren't only for romance


Sissi
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I've just gotten my heart broken. It shattered in so many pieces. Thousands of them. 
It hurts. It really does. 
You know those scenes in movies where the protagonist loved one person, but got their heart so broken by a simple non-existent reciprocation of their feelings? 

Yeah, that one that makes no sense just why would a person cry and make such a huge fuss about the end of a not even real romantic relationship. That one that always bugged me as to how and why, because that just all felt so fake and weird. 

It happened. Not the romantic bit, as I am aro. But that shattered character feeling a mix of extreme anger and a helplessness so strong, that you beg and beg for the other person to come back, to feel the same as you do. Logically, you can't force someone feel things they aren't capable of.  
But it hurts. It hurts again and again and there's nothing I can do besides beg to any listening angel that my wish would be heard and answered. 

Alas, miracles don't happen here. 

But the thing is, my heart wasn't broken by a girlfriend or even a person I wanted to date. 
My heart was broken by the closest and most important person in my life, my best friend.
They said I feel too much. They said they didn't- they couldn't- feel the same way as me. 
And it hurts, you know? 
To be told you overwhelm the very same person you want to just glue yourself to.
It hurts so much more than any romantic movie could ever show. 
You're told you are too much, too intense. They ask for you to back off, but that just breaks you even more. You want to respect them, to respect their wishes and desires. That is what you want the most. But what about you? What about your need to be by their side? What about your own love? They cant disappear from one minute to another. They cant just vanish and leave you as you please. 
So you're thorn between hurting yourself and hurting them. 

All that does not stop the voices from your head to take control of you, of your actions. They scream to get out, to be put in paper, in art. So much so that one day you become an cage made out of flesh and bones containing and explosion just about to burst, but you can't allow them get out. You couldn't possibly burden someone else with those ugly thoughts and feelings. 

And even if you know that your happiness can't depend on other people, you let it become more and more dependent, living with the hope that this will last forever. 
It wont. 
And you will break even more, because you don't know what to do. It is not like you can go out there and have an one night stand or some hook-up section with some random person or even try to find another date for that even you have to attend. You don't know what to do because you never once was taught that you could have your life broken by your own best friend. So why aren't there more people talking about just how important a friendship is, just how precious your heart becomes when you enter one, just how fragile everything is when you are deep in one. 


So sorry if this was the wrong place to post this. 
It is just that now I am completely alone and making new friends is something really difficult and rare to happen with me 

well, alone as you can be within this place. 

I hope you have a good day! (Or night too!)

Toodles!
 

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Wow this is so close to my own experiences that its like I could have written it myself. I've had what you're experiencing happen to me not once but twice, and yeah, its rough. Other people I've known in real life have never understood how much it hurts to lose close friends. for my part I don't understand why it doesn't hurt them that much. Maybe its because of the societal focus on romantic relationships. Maybe its an aro thing.

I know saying it gets easier doesn't help, but it does. Maybe you'll find great new friends, or maybe you'll learn how to be happy on your own. I know that I have made some great friends on forums like this one, so if you ever want a friend, don't hesitate to send me a private message. 

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On 7/13/2021 at 9:52 PM, lonelyace said:

or my part I don't understand why it doesn't hurt them that much

Yes! I have been asking myself the same question. 
I dunno.

people sometimes can be weird. 

because like, how could they not? 
but then again, aros are asked the same question of how could they not feel romantic attraction. 

So the only thing I can think of is that people keep wishing they had a soulmate, date, that stuff, and so they somehow don't-

people are complicated. 
Dont you wish sometimes that things, specially people, would be simpler?

On 7/13/2021 at 9:52 PM, lonelyace said:

I know saying it gets easier doesn't help, but it does.

but thanks, I needed to hear (or read) just that. 

And oh, sorry about the delay, kind of got caught up in a tsunami of things to do and papers to hand in.

oh well

Have a great day! (or night too, actually) 

 

Thanks, once again

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm so sorry about this, that sounds really hard. There is absolutely heart break in friendships and we don't talk about or validate it enough. I remember drifting away from my best friend in high school and while a very different experience it was so painful, you're not alone! 

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