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I don't know if I'm really aromantic. Is it trauma or a romantic feeling?


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I'm honestly new to the concept of aromanticism and no matter how much I research I always find myself to be still confused.

All my life I thought that my crushes were real because I would get "butterflies" when I talk to them, but as it turns out anxiety does that to me even in other situations. I thought I really like to be in a romantic relationship someday but every time I try to picture myself with any of my crushes it would just be blur, unless I replace it with scenes from romance movies. I even got into my first relationship before and I was giddy at first then when it was official, everything just turned off all of a sudden. My perception of the person was the same but I didn't feel giddy anymore. 

Looking back, something inside me felt like I should have a crush because things were more interesting. My friends would talk to me about it. They would get excited, and then I would too. I would put up with the same crush despite barely knowing them. I realized I just needed something close to the ideals of society of who I should have a crush on or be in a relationship with, then I would let my imaginations try to convince me I like them in that way. 

Maybe the giddy feeling, which was similar to when I talk to new people or hype myself up for a speech on a stage, was a just a hope for me to feel accepted in some sort of way. My emotional trauma from childhood makes me emotionally needy in all kinds of relationships, so it's hard to know.

It's been a while since I've had a crush ever since my first relationship. I now doubt that there would be again. But then again, I'm not sure.

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I find myself wondering about this too. I've been reading more and more about it and wonder if I fit the definition. I enjoy watching and reading about romance (and it seems like many people who identify as aros do not), but I find it very hard to form romantic/emotional feelings for people. I agree though, the more I read the more confused I am.

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no idea if you are aro but here are a few pointers.

Firstly there are many aros who start off with romantic feelings but those quickly fade, for example when reciprocated. That might be somethng to look into if you think you are experiencing romantic attraction but it dissapeared after you made it official.

Secondly, your aromanticism is no less valid if it is tied to anxiety.

Finally, just go around and enjoy life, if it turns out you do have another crush just take things as they come. if you don't well thats fine too.

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Maybe you could just embrace confusion for now. Some arose identify as questioning or wtf romantic (I think that's what it's called when one doesn't understand what romantic attraction is).

If you want to explore romantic dating you're allowed to do so even if you think you might be aro. If you don't want to date you can do so regardless if you're capable of romantic love.

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