what do i do if i caught my mom and a guy kissing?

[Guest anongirlwhoneedsadvice]

last night i walked in on my mom and her “friend” she said she invited for ten minutes to shower because his home had no electricity kissing. she tried to trick me into thinking he had already left like two hours before. she was drinking at the time. i’ve made it clear how uncomfortable i am with men in the house even if i knew them and she crossed the line. she also made herself a victim once again and tried to convince me that i am a bad daughter. advice?

[nonmerci]

I think the best way is to find a compromise. It is uncomfortable for you but on the other hand you can't forbid her to see people in her own house. So yes, the best way to do it would be for you to know when she invites people so you can be sure to not see them.

[Jedi]

I don't think you can actually forbid your mom from inviting people over. That doesn't make any sense to me. It sounds like the sort of thing that a parent might attempt to forbid a teenager from doing, and not very successfully. Perhaps you can negotiate a new system where she lets you know well in advance if she is going to have someone over and for how long? So that you know, and you can plan to be somewhere else, or lock yourself in your room or something for that period of time, if you don't want to meet the person. 

There is limited information here, so I am presuming a lot. You may correct me if I am wrong, but I am guessing that your mom knows about your dislike for houseguests, possibly reacting strongly to the very idea, and she, being unwilling to give it up, decided that lying about it is the path of least resistance. And I am willing to bet that not knowing when there will be other people around is just gonna make it worse for you. It would for me. That is why you're going to have to renegotiate how you handle guests. Something like, you don't freak out whenever there is a guest, and she is honest about when there are guests and don't spring them on you suddenly or lie about it.

[eatingcroutons]

On 6/18/2021 at 2:03 AM, Jedi said:

There is limited information here

Yeah, I'm not really sure I can give a good answer based on the OP alone. Some thoughts on the specific points, though:

• "i caught my mom and a guy kissing": To be honest, if it's her house, it's not unreasonable for her to kiss people in it. 
• "she tried to trick me into thinking he had already left like two hours before": This seems like a strange thing to do, unless there's prior history and context, and I'm not sure what to make of it without knowing the prior history and context.
• "she was drinking at the time": Is there a reason you mentioned this? Was it causing some kind of problem in particular?
• "i’ve made it clear how uncomfortable i am with men in the house even if i knew them": As others have said this may be a point where you and your mother need to compromise. Perhaps agree on some ground rules about prior warning when someone's going to be visiting the house, and about areas that are off-limits to guests.
• "she crossed the line": Again I feel like there's prior history and context here that I'm missing. What is the "line" that you agreed on with your mum?

[Guest Chloe Hamill]

i went to our hammock in the backyard and i looked in my mums bedroom window and saw her kissing a guy she is close friends with and my mind just said leave the house and run so that's what i did and i was shocked at what i saw and i haven't got a good sleep until i found out i have been crying thinking is my mum seeing another guy when she just had a divorce but i'm totally happy for her but i need advice what do i do what do i say to my mum??