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I’ve become slightly more comfortable with my aroace identity over the past few months, however I recently started thinking about the idea of coming out after my friend came out slightly more publicly. She is also the only person I am currently out to. I am not thinking of coming out any time soon as I am still slightly too in denial however as I was thinking out the possibility of coming out I realized I have never actually said out loud “I’m aroace” or “I’m aromantic and asexual”. I am perfectly fine with typing it out but saying it is a whole other level. I feel like if I were to actually say it out loud, it would make it all feel a lot more real than it feels right now and I’m honestly afraid of that. I’ve allowed myself a certain level of acceptance but I think I’m afraid of putting it out into the universe and listening to myself say it out loud with my own voice. I think it would make it feel a lot more real than I’ve allowed it to and I think I’m afraid that it will force me to finally acknowledge  my difference from societal norms. I’m just wondering if anyone else has struggled with that fear of saying their identity out loud and is so what they did. Any advice would be much appreciated!

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First of all, there always will be some element of 'risk' when coming out to your friends of family, but please don't do it if you aren't sure you will be completely safe! And you don't have to come out to everyone at once or even call yourself aroace (think of saying "I don't want to date or have sex", just describe your feelings).


Back to the topic at hand, I completely understand your feelings. It had taken me several months of thinking and pondering before I could come out as non-binary to my friendgroup, there is a sense of responsibility that comes with telling someone your orientation of gender identity, I was afraid people would judge me, that I would have to prove that my feelings are real not just to myself, but to other people.

It's best to start by taking small steps. As I said, you could come out to only a couple of friends, and when you do, always think of the positive reaction you got from others. Be ready for the worst, but hope for the best. And if you aren't ready for that yet, there are other ways to express yourself: wear green or purple colors, use other symbols associated with asexuality or aromanticism, maybe casually talk about it with your friend or tell them jokes. It may seem silly, but it helps you build your confidence.

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On 11/23/2020 at 2:33 AM, Aroacerabbit said:

I’m just wondering if anyone else has struggled with that fear of saying their identity out loud

yes, definitely. I still get that fear and am still not comfortable saying my identity.

as  for what I have tried. whispering it just to yourself might help, get used to the words before you have to talk to other people. Or perhaps describing your feelings out loud to yourself if you are not comfortable initially with the words. 

as @Kallie says, there are other ways to express yourself. one thing that helped me was finding an old green t shirt I had, some black trousers, boom I'm dressing aro and no-one needs to notice. get used to making small signs of your identity and slowly you might find it easier to say it.

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