Foveo? (talks of sexual relationships?)

[crawlingcorpse]

I saw someone made a new label as an alternative to stuff like "friends with benefits," called "foveo."

The person (lolliepops-rox on tumblr) defined it as a term for your partner where your relationship isn't inherently romantic or platonic in nature, but there is a basis of physical/sexual attraction. Seeing this made me REALLY happy because I feel like I would love a fwb, but hate the connotations it carries. Usually when people think of friends with benefits or "fuck buddies," they're either going to end up in a romantic relationship, or fall out because of a unrequited crush. That PLUS the expectation that there will be no actual emotional bond. I don't know. I would just like to be with someone who I trust and who I could Do the Do with, but could also like.....hit up to watch a horror movie with on a weekend when I'm bored and just hang out without a sexual context too. So yeah, what do y'all think? 

[roboticanary]

If people want to use it then fine.

Personally I doubt I ever would, friends with benefits has a few bad connotations but it is also really useful because it is a term so many people know and understand. Maybe as well I am less bothered about being regarded as scum than most people but I don't know.

 Practically I have had a couple of fwbs and both times we have been fairly comfortable being friends in the ways you suggest, watching movies and hanging out, usually by meeting and chatting in a local bar. we were, after all, friends.

 

 

[crawlingcorpse]

@roboticanary You are right about the practicality of it. After all, its a really new term, I probably wouldn't be bothered to use it unless it became a more widespread term. Its hard enough trying to define aromanticism to other people lol

[Mark]

Brings to mind this thread.

[Guest]

I mean, peoples do what they want, but i would have absolutely no use for the term. 

For one, no one is going to get it, would be ironic . Secondly, i do not like to put ultra specific labels on every parts of what i do. Not anymore . I would not even call it "fwb" , "fuck buddies", etc... unless prompted. I just think that "friend" is fine. Not that i don't get the need for specificities.

I do not think that it's going to drasticaly change their assumptions, so easily. 

Now, it's just my own feeling about it and myself. 

Edited October 8, 2020 by Guest

[crawlingcorpse]

3 hours ago, Mark said:

Brings to mind this thread.

That's a lot of reading that I can't be super bothered to do atm, but from what I understood from a skim, there were some very good points made. Most of aro culture really is curated online and I would agree that more visibility in mainstream and irl spaces would reduce the need for labels. I'm just saying though, in current times where most people I know don't even know what aromanticism is, neo labels are the only way I'm able to find people with similar experiences.

[crawlingcorpse]

3 hours ago, Leton. said:

For one, no one is going to get it, would be ironic . Secondly, i do not like to put ultra specific labels on every parts of what i do. Not anymore . I would not even call it "fwb" , "fuck buddies", etc... unless prompted. I just think that "friend" is fine. Not that i don't get the need for specificities.

You know, that reminds me of a conversation I saw about how people tend to use labels. This was in reference to sexualities, but I guess it could be applied here as well, which was that people use labels for the convenience of other people to convey availability. Super cool that you prefer not to use specific labels, however like you said, it can be a little inconvenient when "prompted." Or like whenever you partner in some way with someone that doesn't like vague relationships or wants a "defined" relationship so they know what the boundaries are.

3 hours ago, Leton. said:

I do not think that it's going to drasticaly change their assumptions, so easily.

I kind of disagree here, though? If you referred to a partner as a foveo, wouldn't someone who saw this hold now assumptions about the nature of the relationship simply because it is a new word? Or am I missing something and that's just wishful thinking?

[Guest]

2 hours ago, crawlingcorpse said:

I kind of disagree here, though? If you referred to a partner as a foveo, wouldn't someone who saw this hold now assumptions about the nature of the relationship simply because it is a new word? Or am I missing something and that's just wishful thinking?

Oh yeah, do not take my statement of "it wont change anything" too closely. It was not really a statement as much as it is just a thought. It would change, possibly (because it's peoples are not great at listening sometimes haha but that's something else) their view. It would not become an "assumption" anymore then, if they listen. Guess i was saying that because there is a billions of micro labels and not all of them are known, but things can change. Not really a fault of labels, even less of peoples using them. More the fault of peoples being passionate about not listening to you and refuse to listen to you eh? After all, it can also happen with "aro" and i use it.

 

I suppose that i am more interrested in defying norms than having a lot of labels on me. That's me though. No heat behind my words.

2 hours ago, crawlingcorpse said:

You know, that reminds me of a conversation I saw about how people tend to use labels. This was in reference to sexualities, but I guess it could be applied here as well, which was that people use labels for the convenience of other people to convey availability. Super cool that you prefer not to use specific labels, however like you said, it can be a little inconvenient when "prompted." Or like whenever you partner in some way with someone that doesn't like vague relationships or wants a "defined" relationship so they know what the boundaries are.

Of course, this is contextual. I suppose it also come from my view about friendships , that i can include a lot of things. But it go without saying that there is social norms in play and they don't agree with it. Which is why most labels exist after all. 

____________

I must say, i generally don't have strong feelings about it right now, i just wanted to share my own corner. Sorry if it sounded dismissive.