Aromantic or heteromantic in denial?

[Guest Soccerroo10]

Hello. I've been having trouble figuring our my orientation so I'm posting here. I know I'm ace but I'm not sure if I'm heteromantic or aromantic.

Firstly I know I'm not homoromantic since I've always felt stronger feelings toward guys (I'm a girl) but I'm not sure if they're romantic or not. I never really liked the idea of relationships as a kid and had my first crush (squish?) in middle school but I think it was maybe just squish that got really strong bc I was pretty lonely at that time. I never even thought to date him until a friend said I should ask him out but I did get really nervous around him, look at him and all that other crush stuff. The problem is that I feel like Im stright in denial since I only get these really strong squishes on guys. I can look at someone of any gender and think they might make a good friend Ive only felt really intense feeling like that a couple times, always toward guys. All my fictional crushes (which are definitely romantic) are men too. I really do love the idea of a relationship and if I had to have one I think it would be with a guy. The premise sounds amazing, being so emotionally intimate with someone... but Idk if theres any actual person I'd want to be romantic with?

If anyone has advice please do share it. :)

[nonmerci]

For what you say it is possible that you are on the aro spectrum, and only have squishes for men. But I can't say it for you.

You say that your fictional crushes are romantic for sure. Maybe you can think about what differ from your irl crushes/ssquishes. It can help you to see if what you feel for real people are romantic or platonic.

[SurrealEntity]

Heya, to me it sounds like you are hetero-oriented, but you don't have to be hetero-romantic! You could be hetero-alterous, or hetero-queerplatonic. Basically there are other attraction types besides romantic, sexual, and platonic. And you can have relationships or strong bonds with people without it having to be romantic! (or sexual lol obviously). This might be what you're experiencing. 

Edited October 5, 2020 by SurrealEntity

[El011]

sounds like hetero ace. you could also be gray aro though.