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Aroacerabbit

Friends trying to help

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So today I was texting one of my friends about how something was making me sad (a romance song because I’m aroace) and I was saying that it hit weirdly for me because it made me want that because I can’t feel it. She’s the only person I’m out to so I love and trust her very much. She’s also gay. However, every now and then she says “you don’t know for sure! You might meet someone someday!” And I know she’s trying to help and make me feel better but it makes me feel like I’m faking and doubt myself even more. It almost feels like it could compare to when people say to a lesbian, “who knows! You might find a guy you’ll love someday!” I don’t know if I’m the only one that feels this way? Anyone else? Also, I want to bring it up but don’t know how because I really don’t want to offend her because I love being able to talk to her because she’s also LGBTQ+ and the only one I’m out to. Any ideas? Thanks!

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Hi! I have a friend like this and this happened to me when I came out. I think she just didn't understand so I used an analogy that I thought was accurate enough. (I don't know if every here will agree with this but it showed how I think about aromanticism.) Imagine you are in ballet and everyone is dancing. Everyone is performing the moves flawlessly while you are there so confused about what you missed. Maybe you didn't go to the rehearsals because you didn't know about them (aro), maybe you only know a few of the dance moves once in a while (grey aro), or maybe you only remember the moves when you see someone you know doing them (demi aro). (There are many more examples but I didn't write them all in) The point is you aren't going to magically remember all the dance moves and perform the dance flawlessly. The thing about this ballet is that you don't have an audience. If you don't know all the dance moves, it's ok. No one is going to judge you or shout at you. So yeah, that's basically what I told my friend and I think she understood better. Idk if this analogy will work for your friend but I hope it helps! :))

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This is more in regards for ace, but I think it transfers. 

There's this analogy I got from a youtube video about aceness, and they said it's like having all the food you could possibly want spread out in a table in front of you, but you're not hungry. And everyone else is eating around you and offering you food but you don't want it. 

Maybe that can help describe what you were feeling about the romance song.

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My best friend is a hopeless romantic and before I even knew I was aro I once told her that i was never in love. Her initial response was "That's kinda sad."

When I came out to her, her reaction was "You're gonna find the right person someday!"

I think she just didn't understand that I don't want that. Some alloromantics value romantic love above all and just like we don't get them sometimes, they don't get us. In the end they mean well in their own way and since love brings happiness to them, they want the same for us. They don't want us to be forever alone. The thing is - who says we will be? Family and friends will always be there for us, we don't need a "second half" when we're happy enough on our own.

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