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I just want to be queer


Natkat
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When I thought "I wanted a significant other" one part was I wanted one because I did not want to be alone, and I would enjoy having someone to spend alot of time with do activitites with and so on that most of my friends saved for their "sigificant others" but then on the other hand I felt like being in a actual relationship was "too much work" (this was before I had heard of qpr).

 

this was the thing that made me questinate if I ever felt romantic or not. As I started to think more about it I notice something else. 

When I was younger I would say I identified as bisexual but I were only interesteed in relationships with guys because I just get along with guys better.

now when I began to think I dont nessesarry think thats the whole things to it, because frankly I get along with people of various genders pretty well.

 

I noticed that a huge part of my "want of a boyfriend" paticular over a girlfriend is linked with my queerness. When I think of someone who could be "dating material" it was someone who would be somehow visible queer. I would think about if I kissed them inside the classroom infront of all the student, or if I was in relationships with them on facebook I think this thought is normal special considered I hate being in the closet, but then I thought.. "what if I were in a gaybar where this was normal or if I was in relationship with a straight looking girl and we where just a "normal couple?" would I then feel a urge to kiss her in the classroom" the answer was "sure I could but I had no paticular interest in doing so"

 

it seamed some of the "boyfriend wishes" was more based in my wish to give a f*** to the hetronormative world and be out and proud rather than actually well having a boyfriend for the typical reason on why you would have one.

 

anyway have anyone felt simular?

 

 

 

 

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I guess the title is a bit misleading, cos if I have read it right, what @Natkat talks about is wanting visibility?

 

Being queer is not a fashion statement, but people often make a political statement through fashion and behaviour.

 

I guess its quite normal to react to heteronormativity with aggressively presenting queer. In a society where everyone is expected to be cishet until proven otherwise, one may feel a need to show them how it is really. Being visible is liberating, and it also communicates bravery and self confidence.

I like to have short hair, and if I feel secure enough to do so, I like to push those gender expression boundaries too, even though I'm cis af. Obviously its not always safe to do so, that's why it feels like a luxurious treat to look and act flamboyantly homo.

 

Not sure if its the result of this, or the other way around, but I definitely find androgyny in women/people attractive.

Somehow Ruby Rose or Erika Linder is just more interesting than Freja Beha or Arizona Muse, and it has less to do with their features and more with their style. Its not even that their appearance is an encourageing hint that they might like the ladies, cos I know they are all queer. I guess I find that self confidence to tinker with gender presentation attractive. But also, for me, dressing high femme and being covered in pride flags is just not the same as a otherwise butch look with a feminine twist.

Its weird, I know.

 

And I guess I'm the same with amatonormativity. I do not want to be seen as part of a romantic couple in public...its tricky when those two wishes kind of create an oxymoron.

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I don't think visibility is the right word either? It's a twisted feeling. Cause I could easy get visible but it itself wouldn't nessesarry be enough.

 

 the way I express my queerness in how I like to interract with people. There is so much "boys cant do this with boys and boys cant do that with girls" it becomes difficult when you in one hand want to say fuck heteronormativity and just cheek kiss or do whatever you want even if you aren't supposed to but at the same time don't want to fall into the amatonormative box either, were you are "too close to be just friend with a girl" or the "cute gay couple" I guess due to homophobic many dont see same sex relationships as "real" or they see it as shocking and in some funny way it makes it more easy to deal with compared to being seen as a "regular couple" but when gay guys want the same romantic crap as the straight people or people expect that im like that then they are both equal unconfortable.

-

 

 

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