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Athena2905

Questionable dream

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Hi,

I think of myself as aroace but even so I have doubted my sexuality for years (what if I’m to young to decide, what if I just haven’t met the right person yet). I recently had a dream where I was talking to a boy (not someone I know in real life) like a friend after a concert thing (it was at my house and fields for some reason [i was under his arm kinda hug as we were walking cos he was like 5’11 and I’m 4’10]) when he slowly pulled me to the corner of the garden and calmly backed me up into a wall, I didn’t look up at his face but he looked like he was gonna confess to me and kiss me. All the way up to this point I was acting innocent like I didn’t know where this was going (my thoughts were like oh, is he gonna confess, this’ll be awkward). Just before he could say he liked me and kiss me my friends came to say hi and said we needed to get going (I don’t know where but the thing is earlier in the dream I said I had a hospital appointment to go to so I couldn’t hang with him for some reason). At this point it’s a bit of a blur but i remember he looked surprised and sad and a bit hurt before got into my house with my friends help (my legs don’t work well when I get emotional) and I was really upset. In my dream I was thinking what if I hurt his feelings cos I didn’t tell him where I was going really and ‘I don’t care about the kiss I’m aroace remember?’ so I’m not so sure I’m aroace. 
before he almost kissed me I wasn’t uncomfortable per se but I wasn’t like ooh I want to kiss him...

also if I was into anyone he would be the type, like he was really pretty

at no point did I have a sexual thought by the way.

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Hi,

If this dream is making you doubt your identity, then there's nothing wrong with looking into those feelings. However I will say a couple things. First off, something happening in a dream doesn't necessarily mean you want it to happen. They're often just remixes of all the random things we see during the day. Secondly, if you do feel this dream was a reflection of a real world feeling, that still doesn't mean you're no longer aro. I'm not sure if by 'not someone you know in real life' you mean someone who doesn't exist or just someone you only know online, but either way your brain chose someone pretty unattainable to experiment with. A lot of aros have 'crushes' on for instance fictional characters before they realise they're aro. Again, I'm not dissuading you from thinking more about this, as it's pretty healthy and normal to keep questioning your identity, but a desire for affection in a dream with someone who isn't a part of your real life is very very different to a desire for a relationship for a specific, attainable person in the real world. I hope that helps.

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Posted (edited)

everything @arokaladin says, as well as our brains do like to prepare us for events.

Sometimes we dream of possible future situations so that we may react to them better in the event they actually happen. I know there have been some child psychology studies done on nightmares in kids and reaction times in threat situations but I don't have access to those online journals anymore so I can't back that up right now. Anyway, maybe you saw some stuff and thought of some stuff and your brain decided to throw you a 'what if' moment. You say your legs don't work well when you are emotional, well maybe because of this dream (and maybe more like it) if you are in that situation in real life you will have been 'practised' and your legs will work better for you. 

oh, yeah, if you aren't stalking this thread you won't know we've answered unless I tag you @Athena2905

Edited by Apathetic Echidna
tagging

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to me it doesn't even sound like it was something you wanted to happen, based on the following:

15 hours ago, Athena2905 said:

this’ll be awkward

 

15 hours ago, Athena2905 said:

I don’t care about the kiss I’m aroace remember

 

15 hours ago, Athena2905 said:

I wasn’t like ooh I want to kiss him

as well as that you seemed more "upset" that you might have hurt his feelings than anything.

and when you said:

15 hours ago, Athena2905 said:

also if I was into anyone he would be the type, like he was really pretty

did you mean you weren't into him?  and if not him, surely no one?

all this is just my interpretation.  but as others pointed out, even if you were neutral/unsure or favourable about the situation in the dream, it doesn't necessarily reflect real-life attraction.  sometimes we do or think about things out of curiosity and/or a feeling of obligation rather than because we particularly want to.  (i mean in real life, but the dream could have been a sort of exploration of curiosity.)  i got into a romantic relationship for that reason, and i'm definitely aro.  but as always, try not to worry or feel a need to be totally sure of or unchanging in your identity.

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