Does anyone else get minorly offensive "jokes"

[boba]

I have friends who joke around and imply that I'm romantically interested in someone. This has typically taken the form of the following:

- "Soooooo, I heard you and ------ went out for boba the other day?"

- "Wow, being extra flirty today, I see you."

- or the general teasing/encouragement of someone else who is interested in me, despite them knowing that I can never return that interest

I've talked to them a few times about how I'm not that pleased with it, and it's always the same response. "We were only joking. Chill. We know it's not gonna happen." Which only frustrates me further.

 

I can't tell if I'm just being sensitive??? Or is this romantic-repulsion. I always considered myself pretty romance-positive. I like fluffy fic/lit. Rom coms are alright. I have OTPS in various medias. So, I guess the real question I'm asking is: Is this just a Me thing? Or is it an aromantic thing?

Edited April 29, 2020 by boba
more inclusive title

[Apathetic Echidna]

I stopped getting teased like this after I started calling those people insensitive arses, whether they were friends or not. I read an article recently (I even dug out the book it is in so I could reference it properly!) called 'Racism: How Ironic' by Rowena Grant-Frost for Frankie Magazine which talks about the same situation but rather than romance being the topic in question it is a person's heritage. 

Basically people say 'I was just joking', 'I was being ironic' or 'no offence' as a get out of jail free card to say mean and hurtful things. They think by saying these disclaimers they can ignore your feelings as being irrational, overemotional, too sensitive or too unsophisticated to understand their higher cerebral humour. They cast themselves as being smart and frame you as being stupid, so they can avoid blame or responsibility for the horrible things they say. 

The truth is you should call them out on this bad behaviour all the time, because they should feel guilty for doing/saying things that make you feel bad. Maybe make them think about what they say if it was a different topic, like race, ethnicity, gender or would they be saying the same sorts of things if you were alloromantic and homosexual? (< because being seen as black-white racist or homophobic seems to be the greatest social sins in the culture I live, it may be different for you and your social circles) 

I had a Cis Allo Homosexual friend who would romantically tease me like your friends do, but my ex-friend would also say misogynist things and a-phobic things. It took me a long time and an assault to convince me it was a toxic relationship. But yes, consistently disregarding my feelings about being romantically teased was one of the earlier red flags I ignored.

I hope your friends do take your feelings into account when you explain to them. It will probably take them time to learn different behaviour if it is habit but if you keep pointing it out they (hopefully) will understand that it is hurtful and that they are treating romance harassment as different from other harassment topics.  

[nonmerci]

You're not too sensitive. As @Apathetic Echidna said, people use the "joke" excuse to say all the hurtful things they want. By doing that, they ignore your feelings... worst, they make you feel even worse than before.

Jokes like that are only funny if the person involved agree. There is a fine line between humour and cruelty. You should talk with them about why it doesn't make you laugh at all. For what I read, I guess this is the feeling that they are deny in your identity?

[time-is-ticking]

I don't like when my friends joke like this around me either. It's very easy for them to say hurtful things if they can just say that they were joking about it and that's not cool. it's very understandable to be annoyed with this and you're definitely not over-sensitive.

[Alaska Native Manitou]

Maybe you can carry a water gun or spray bottle with you.  When one of them says something like that, give them a squirt in the face--then tell them they can't get angry because it's just a joke.