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Aromantic Realization at a late age


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Guest Old enough to know better?

First I’ll talk about how I found out about this forum. On a recent trip to San Antonio, my daughter and I were talking about relationships or the lack of them. She mentioned something about the possibility that I might be an “aromantic” . I was like WTH is that. She gave me a brief description and asked that I'd do some research on google for further information.

It’s been many years (I can honestly say that it's been over 20yrs) since I’ve been in a romantic relationship. Yes, I have had friends (they normally don't last long because they usually want to up the ante) I on the other hand just want to remain friends with these women. I do talk about how I “just want a friendship” just want to have a special friend that I can invite to have dinner or attend a movie or a plus one to a social event. At first they’ll agree to these terms but eventually they’ll want a stronger commitment that I’m unwilling to agree with.

I have now been divorced for over 20yrs. I decided to end my marriage because I felt it was unfair to my then wife that I felt absolutely no feeling for her, other than admiration. Was I ever truly “in love” with her? I do not know now. After the divorce I moved on to another relationship thinking that it was that she and I were not hitting it off anymore. How wrong I was… that’s when I realized that “I” was the broken one and not her/them.

In my life, I have only been “in love” twice and both times it didn't work out. Those two times I knew, I was undoubtedly and thoroughly in love, there was no doubt in my mind and heart of those feelings. They both were not for me, it took a lot out of me to finally realize that it was time to move on.

Since the day that finally realized that I should stay clear of any romantic relationship/commitment. That was/has been the best decision I've made, I haven't felt so happy and alive as I do know since I stopped looking for a relationship and admitted to myself that being alone is best for me. As I mentioned before, I do have a lady friend of 3yrs. For now I’ve been able to keep her at bay. Every time she pushes for a more serious relationship I push back. Sometimes I think that she interprets my “pushing back” as playing hard to get.

I've decided that I am coming out to her as an aromantic, that she needs to understand what that means and that most likely there will never ever be anything more then there is at the moment between us both.i honestly think that she needs to apply more pressure or seek a different approach to alter my mind. The future will unfold this challenge for me.

I feel relieved that I have found a place where I can express how I feel. For a long time I've known that I was not alone on this journey but until my daughter opened my eyes, pointing me in this direction, I have found others like me and I can finally say that I don't feel broken any more.

Now that I feel empowered with this new information and sense of direction, what to do, what to do.



 

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Hi there!

Finding out later in life can definitely be hard. Personally, I'm 32 and only figured it out at around 29 - effectively ending a 7 year relationship on the spot. I'd definitely encourage you to join up to the forum fully and have a bit of a poke around. There's some good people here.

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  • 10 months later...

I just figured out there were terms for Ace and Aro and i'm in my late 40s.  I think I always knew I was different in those ways but didn't even realize there were terms for it.  I even watch Bojack Horseman and when Todd comes out as Ace it didn't register for me until a year later.  I rewatched that episode again (and that season of the show - S3) and it's crazy how that just didn't click for me then...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Similar story here, too. I just figured out that I’m aroace at age 31. Pretty crazy. I had never bothered to question it though, and had assumed I was heterosexual my whole life. Quite a shocking realisation. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/28/2021 at 2:45 PM, Aimee03 said:

Similar story here, too. I just figured out that I’m aroace at age 31. Pretty crazy. I had never bothered to question it though, and had assumed I was heterosexual my whole life. Quite a shocking realisation. 

Yep, same here. I'm in my early 40s and just figured it out last week. I assumed I was bi for the longest time, and hetero before that. No wonder both my marriages failed. I'm just not meant for it. ???

Oh well, such is life.

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