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What does being aromantic feel like?


Ace Rimmer
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Does aromantasism just mean a lack of interest in having being in a romantic relationship, or does it conjure up a deep sense of dread/anxiety/nausea?

I find if someone has an interest in me, then I feel very uneasy about it, and I have to leave the situation...basically due to fear.

It's ok as I don't want (or at least) think that I don't want to be in a relationship.

 

By the way, I'm male and this is regarding interested females.  I can't comment about males as I've not experienced this.

Pretty sure I'm asexual as well, yet have slept with some females.  So not sex averse, I find it kind of enjoyable, even if no desire to do it.

 

I'm asking as I recently got out of a brief relationship with a girl, she ended it as she said that it was one sided and I was cold and non-romantic.  I kind of agree as I was anxious and would not let the relationship deepen.  When she ended it, I could have saved it, yet I didn't as I felt so damn uncomfortable at the thought of it.  So it's over now.  Yet I do really really miss her, and I know she was hurt as well.  Really sucks.  I won't be doing this again, don't want to hurt anyone else.  ?

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Depends on the person. Anxiety and dread in regards to romance is not aromanticism- It's romance repulsion, which is common among aros. Just like how it's not true that forgetfulness "is" ADHD, but rather that it is a common symptom of ADHD. Romance repulsion isn't aromanticism, no, and not all aros experience it, but it is very commonly experienced by aros.

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Interesting.  I've been actively avoiding relationships since I was 9/10, and I'm mid 30s now.

Have had plenty of women interested in the past, and I just feel very uncomfortable..like going to toilet and wretching uncomfortable.  I just feel out place in a world where all men seem to be guided by their labido, and I'm not.  I actually just like to talk to women.

 

Thought I was gay (which gave me major anxiety) for a long long time, as it made sense if I didn't want to get emotionally close to a woman; but men don't do anything for me either.  

 

Keep thinking that I'd like a companion, but just can't override this gut feeling of mine.  It's crippling. 

 

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On 1/19/2020 at 1:03 AM, Ace Rimmer said:

Does aromantasism just mean a lack of interest in having being in a romantic relationship, or does it conjure up a deep sense of dread/anxiety/nausea?

The weirdest thing is that the other person makes it feel as something enormous was at stake. It's as "enjoyable" as a job interview to me. You're supposed to sell yourself, to dress and impress. With the difference that the job interview can lead to something very desirable.

 

I wouldn't react as negative as dread/anxiety/nausea (anymore), but more like annoyed / uncomfortable.

 

I don't personally understand how some aros manage those situations fine, but some do.

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On 1/25/2020 at 12:48 AM, DeltaV said:

The weirdest thing is that the other person makes it feel as something enormous was at stake. It's as "enjoyable" as a job interview to me. You're supposed to sell yourself, to dress and impress. With the difference that the job interview can lead to something very desirable.

 

I wouldn't react as negative as dread/anxiety/nausea (anymore), but more like annoyed / uncomfortable.

 

I don't personally understand how some aros manage those situations fine, but some do.

 

I'm not in to dating myself;  very rarely do it and am happy enough on my own.  I did really enjoy her company though, I've never really clicked with anyone like that.  I didn't really feel uncomfortable around her, only when the relationship was supposed to deep/move to next level.  Oh it was so uncomfortable, definitely not normal!  If it was, then no one  would be in a romantic relationship! 

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