metelyk Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 I feel like the way I love is not how people are supposed to love. I will try to explain. Sometimes (so far it has happened four times in my life) I will meet someone I feel a connection with. Like we have known each other before, like there is a deep part in me that recognises a deep part in them. I would say almost like soulmates, except the kind of soulmates were you have many, not just one. I love these people very, very deeply, and I want them to love me back the same way. Some of the things I want to do with them are: call ourselves best friends forever; chat about everything (often we have many things in common and I want to have conversations about them); be physically affectionate, with hugs, cuddles, and being "allowed" to touch each other without worrying that they might think it's romantic; tell them how amazing they are; hang out, but not all the time, but when we do it is quality time; tell each other all our secrets; be there for each other when things are bad; make things for each other, like write stories and draw things for each other... That is the general idea. I used to think this was romantic love, but it is not a love that makes me want to date them, or say and do romantic things, or be a couple, or even be each other's most important person. Imagining those things with a person makes me uncomfortable. I can also feel this way about several people at the same time, and can want to have the same friendship with several people. It is not a "one and only" kind of love, where I think about them all the time and feel like there is butterflies or… I don't know, whatever romantic love feels like. I am now almost sure I have never felt romantic love before. The best description I can find for this love is "best friends" (but not because we already are best friends, more like, we could be). I have read lists of friendship quotes on google and that is how I feel. But at the same time, it feels more intense than what people expect in friendship. It seems like most people want to be close to friends, but the only person they love as deeply as this is their partner. This makes me feel like the kind of love I have is "wrong", because it is too much for friendship but there is still something missing for it to be romantic. Either people will want this love + romance, or they will not want it at all. I also worry that it is too much for me to be aromantic. I know I am aro, being aro makes so much sense to me, but maybe the kind of love I feel is still too close and intense (or at least, society makes it seem that way) and aromantic people are not supposed to experience it either. Even though it does not feel romantic to me, it just feels like… love. Just deep, platonic love, and some kind of recognition. So I am wondering, do other aro people experience this? Does anybody know what it is called? Does it even have a name? Am I mistaken and it is romantic love, even though it does not fit any of the symptoms and desires I have read, except for it being very strong and wanting to be close? Thank you, I look forward to knowing what you think 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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