Guest Apple Cake Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I don't know if this goes here but... eh. Ok, I don't usually do this, and to be honest, this might be the first time I do. The traditional talking about it with myself, thinking a lot and realizing everything is just fine didn't work this time. It's the first time it doesn't work. I'm... confused. It hasn't even been a week since I started identifying myself as greyromantic. At first I was happy with it. I was okay, I felt like I really fit there. But I started to read more about all the aro spectrum stuff... and I started to get really, really confused. Now I doubt my own feelings? Now I feel like I need someone to get inside of me, write everything they see and say "hey, you were wrong. This is not what you felt. It was this. And this? Oh, you were confusing it with this. And this other thing, you never felt this. It was a lie. And even you didn't know. And this...". I need someone to tell me how I really feel and how it is called, because I feel unable to see the truth be myself. Now I just think I have lied about my feelings, even to myself, because after all, I am the only one who knows. And now? Nobody knows. I am convinced that I have molded my emotions to fit the vision I want everyone, including me, to have of myself. And I didn't notice. Maybe it has to do to how I relate to people? I haven't had a real friendship "in the real world" since years ago, because it's hard for me to "choose" the people I feel I would want a real, close friendship with. And though I found one... and I thought I even had a crush on her, I just couldn't talk to her. And now she left school and I'm left here wondering if my feelings were real because I could never get myself to be her friend and prove my feelings real. I am lost. Well... I think that's it. Maybe I just need to talk about this with someone and know I'm not the only one. Thank you for reading, and sorry for making this so long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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