Hello!

[Michael09]

Hello all! I just stumbled across this group a few days ago, it’s been a delight to read everyone’s posts and comments! So I thought I would dive in and introduce myself.

 

Im in my early 30s, cis male, aromantic, and polyamorous/a relationship anarchist. I started identifying as polyamorous about 5 years ago and aromantic about 2.5 years ago. It’s been incredibly liberating to say the least!

 

I enjoy dating and connecting with people and am pretty extroverted. I find equal value in relationships that are sexual, relationships that are perhaps emotionally intimate, and relationships that are platonic. I feel love often and get squishes on people I admire but I do not feel romantic love or romantic attachment. The love I feel for platonic friends and companiony friends is the same love that I feel for sexual friends or sexual partners I date.

 

I reject the single/in a relationship binary and just feel like... well... I have relationships with people of all sorts who add value to my life. I don’t seek to share my life with a single person. But I enjoy ways that my life can meaningfully intersect with others’ lives.

 

I can do “romantic things” with people... handholding, kissing, cuddling, dinner dates, etc. and get great joy from them. But I experience these things very much as in-the-moment forms of expression and as ways of giving and receiving pleasure rather than signifiers of a relationship type. 

These days, I feel incredibly lucky for all of these identities. In a way, I feel like it’s almost like a secret weapon, haha. I almost never feel sexual or romantic jealousy or unpleasant longings. I never have to exert the energy that many monogamous romantic couples exert in...working things out, negotiating things, etc. My partners/people and I build our relationships around our overlapping commonalities, interests, and wants. Our differences are qualities we can enjoy separately with others or alone. This perspective has made it incredibly easy to appreciate people for who they are. 
 

I feel like I have so much extra time and energy to enjoy music and art, to study, to achieve things professionally, to exercise, to participate in my local community, etc as I’m not weighed down by the day-to-day of a romantic relationship.

 

If there were any downsides, it can be more challenging to find people who I know can provide lifelong stability as platonic friends. For many monogamous people in romantic relationships, the partner is priorities 1-10. Others are less significant. 
 

Excited to learn more from folks here and find camaraderie with other aromantic people!  

 

 

 

[NullVector]

8 hours ago, Michael09 said:

I enjoy dating and connecting with people and am pretty extroverted

I'm pretty introverted and enjoy it in small, irregular doses, but find it takes a lot out of me. I wonder if aromanticism fits extroverts more naturally than introverts? Or, does it not matter too much and they each come with their own set of challenges?

 

8 hours ago, Michael09 said:

If there were any downsides, it can be more challenging to find people who I know can provide lifelong stability as platonic friends

This is the most painful aspect of it IME. Friendship communities built up over years disintegrating as people move to take new jobs, etc.

[Michael09]

Thank you for sharing! really interesting question. I would be curious to know more about how many folks here identify as introverts or extroverts or otherwise.

 

And I’m sorry if you have found that platonic friends have frequently moved away and have been hard to maintain as an in person support group. I feel ya!

[NotHeartless]

Dude, you're living the life I imagined for myself at one point. Sounds awesome!
I've thought about looking more into the poly community. I'm very attracted by having several people to connect with on different levels (and past experiences showed me I'm not a good fit for monogamy). Still have no idea how or when to start, but I'm thankful you shared your experience with us because now I know I'd definitely would like to have something similar in life.
Oh and I can only confirm it's hard to find lifelong platonic friends, I know the struggle.

For the introverts / extroverts question:
For a long time I assumed I'm extremly introverted but my temper was disguised by mental illness.
Now I'm way better, still think I tend to be a bit more on the introverted side (long-time contact with others can exhaust me, especially when I don't know them well) but I do enjoy spending time with people and don't live like a half-eremite anymore. I flourish sometimes when I'm with certain people.

Finally: Welcome to our community, I'm sure you'll meet like-minded people (like me, ha) and hope you have a great time !

[Michael09]

Thank you for being so affirming and kind! I appreciate it. I’m so glad that your mental health is better and that you are feeling more like yourself at this particular moment. I hope that continues!

 

And thank you for sharing all of this about yourself. I feel very lucky for my lifestyle! I would encourage anyone else to shape their life this way if they felt it fulfilled their wants or matched their identities. I feel lucky that people I have met have been incredibly supportive. 

[Holmbo]

On 11/1/2019 at 11:50 AM, Michael09 said:

Thank you for sharing! really interesting question. I would be curious to know more about how many folks here identify as introverts or extroverts or otherwise.

Based on this myers briggs conversation it seems introverts are far most common. I think that's the rule in most internet forums.

Welcome @Michael09 Have some aro ice cream
Maybe you could post a thread about poly/relationship anarchy? It could make for an interesting conversation I think.

[Michael09]

Thank you for the warm welcome!! And for the information about introversion/extroversion. I’ll give this a good read! I’m glad that you think folks would be interested to chat about polyamory/relationship anarchy!