WHAT DO YOU FELL WHEN YOU FEEL SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE (not friendship)

[Alyssia]

hello my fellows

 

I have a question for you 

 

have you ever been attracted by someone in a not traditional way? 

 

I explain better.. I have this friend and I feel something uncommon for her

 

I'm like attracted but I can't understand how and I mostly want her to like me and to be interested in me... it's odd because I can't understand what I feel for her or want from her but I feel something that I don't feel for anyone and I was thinking this is the way aroace people feel attracted by others ahahaha I don't know 

 

the question more easily is: what do you feel when you "like" someone

 

something that goes further than friendship

 

thank you and sorry if I wrote too much and I hope someone can understand what I mean 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I feel like "more than friendship" isn't a good choice of words... "Different from friendship" or "More emotionally intense than friendship" would be fair, but I dislike the term "more than friendship" in general because it conveys the sense that friendship is inherently beneath other forms of relationships. That's not cool. I can't imagine anyone loving anything more than I love my friends!

That being said, could what you're experiencing possibly be a squish? If so, you're definitely not the only person who experiences stuff like that

[The Angel of Eternity]

@Alyssia Hello! I'm glad you asked this question because I have my own experiences regarding this. 

 

Now, I'm not the type to experience crushes or squishes or the like. What I am about to reveal is, I think, even less traditionally known than a squish. I have coined the term "expansion" to describe this feeling I've had for certain people. An expansion describes the desire to be spiritually or mentally intimate with another. My preferred way to be spiritually or mentally intimate is by sharing my own personal truths or "inner world" that would not normally be shared with others.

 

In September 2018 I came into personal contact with a transgender-identifying character on AVEN. For the sake of their anonymity I shall not reveal their name. They claimed to be "a marriage in one body". This means they claimed to be two souls in one body, a man in a woman's body. They told me of personal spiritual experiences they'd had in 1998 (the year my physical body was born). I'm not currently in contact with them but I've been listening to this song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4ukTsC0oTw) and it gives me deeply fond memories of them and their near-death experiences they shared with me. It makes me a bit melancholy, really.

 

There's someone else on AVEN with whom I'm still in contact. We have had similar spiritual experiences and beliefs. We both have deeply personal spiritual beliefs, truths and "stories" we share with each other that I or they (I don't think) don't share normally with others. We've become really good internet friends based on these things.

 

I've experienced expansions on others but it would take too long to go into detail about every one. 

 

Godspeed

 

[VoidpunkDreams]

I like this 'expansion idea @The Angel of Eternity as a unifying theory of subaltern forces. But one could argue that spiritual or mental intimacy happens with folks all the time as part of a consciousness field. One could argue that when it comes to the self one is always 'expanding' however if one experiences a form of desire for another being then I think it means that there is 'simpatico' energy. Or that there is an aspect of the identity that makes itself known through the manifestation and/or identification of another the 'birds of a feather flock together' experience that forms the basis of most friendships. It may be deeper than most friendships because it resembles a squish but is actually more like a self revelation. If that makes sense. These things don't last long I've realised...or the universe makes it apparent that the person is only there when there is something to be revealed about yourself and then the friendship fades from view when you have realised that thing.

@AlyssaSometimes I intensely like someone because I find that they are something I would like to be. Sounds superficial maybe but I like people because of aesthetics and thats me. 

 

[Alyssia]

12 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I feel like "more than friendship" isn't a good choice of words... "Different from friendship" or "More emotionally intense than friendship" would be fair, but I dislike the term "more than friendship" in general because it conveys the sense that friendship is inherently beneath other forms of relationships. That's not cool. I can't imagine anyone loving anything more than I love my friends!

That being said, could what you're experiencing possibly be a squish? If so, you're definitely not the only person who experiences stuff like that

absolutely I agree with the first part I did choose the wrong words

yes maybe it is a squis as you said and I'm not the only person who experiences it but it may be the first time for me and I'm still trying to understand how to behave in front of these feelings 

[treepod]

Quick note: I know people already touched on this but instead of saying more than friends you can say it’s “on a different level.” Key word “different” and not “more.” 

 

In a situation like yours, it is important to keep asking yourself what it is you would like to have happen with this person, even though you aren’t sure. Try different scenarios out in your mind and see how they feel. That may help your confusion.

 

For example, I’m greyaromantic, meaning for me that I experience some romantic attraction, just only on rare occasions. So I can sort of give you an idea. I can tell when I’m feeling romantic attraction because it excites me not just to be friends with someone but also to become physically close to them as in kissing/cuddling. If that’s something I actively want then I consider it romantic. And I definitely feel a difference between thinking someone is good-looking (what we call aesthetic attraction, which is like thinking a painting is beautiful) and thinking someone is physically attractive in a romantic sense. If I’m romantically attracted to someone, even conventionally unattractive things about them or things I wouldn’t normally notice are really appealing to me, pleasing in an exciting way. But all this is just how I define my own experience.

Other people might not consider kissing/cuddling necessarily romantic at all, for instance. It’s all about what is a useful distinction to you. Don’t worry, you’ll work it out!