hyakinthos Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 hey. milo here. i know for sure that i'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, i can't possibly rule that out, but i don't really know where i fall on that spectrum. see here, the thing is, i just don't understand whether or not i've had any real crushes in the past. there have been times when i've been attracted to people, but in retrospect it's been sexual attraction, or i've had something that was probably a real crush but balked at the idea of entering a relationship. i have been in a relationship once before, and although i did not dislike the person, i felt horrified, trapped, and ashamed the entire time. because of these factors, i identified comfortably as exclusively aro for a while... but recently, i developed what i'm fairly certain was a crush on somebody (i can't be sure, the concept thereof has always been a little elusive to me) and i even went on a date with them. but after that, my interest in them has begun to fade... can anyone offer some insight as to where i might place myself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 Hello Milo, and welcome to the forums! I hope somebody can answer this question too, because it sounds similar to my story. I've had one serious relationship in my life that lasted about three months. Towards the end of it, I started to feel trapped and suffocated. She wasn't a bad person, and we got along really well. But being the focus in her life just made me feel awful so I broke up with her. We're still not sure what the definition of aromanticism is. There are many differing opinions. You could say it's a lack of desire for a romantic relationship. You might say it's a complete lack of romantic attraction (which includes crushes). Personally, I think the latter definition is more correct. So, a crush would technically mean you have felt romantic feelings in your life which would make you greyromantic. You might still wish to use the aro label though, as I do. I'm pretty sure I have felt one crush in my life. I thought about this woman quite a bit, and I even asked her out on a date. But when she turned me down, I felt mostly relief. (I can see now that she really had no interest in me anyway). Even still, I consider myself aro because I have no desire for a romantic relationship, and I've only ever felt that way one time. 1 hour ago, hyakinthos said: because of these factors, i identified comfortably as exclusively aro for a while... but recently, i developed what i'm fairly certain was a crush on somebody (i can't be sure, the concept thereof has always been a little elusive to me) and i even went on a date with them. but after that, my interest in them has begun to fade... Did the feelings fade when they started to show romantic feelings towards you? That might be a sign of lithromanticism a.k.a. aporomanticism. In that case, the romantic feelings fade as soon as they are reciprocated. Otherwise, it might simply be a lack of interest in that specific person, or dating in general, it's hard to say. Luckily, there is no rush to figure these things out. Just go with your gut feelings and do what you feel is right for a particular person. Don't rush into anything because other people say you should act a certain way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tal Shi'ar Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 This indeed can be a rather tricky thing. I have had a small handful of "crushes" before, but there have been times in the last couple years where I've wondered if they were entirely romantic, or only semi romantic. With that being said though, I have never really been interested in romance or dating at all, nor have I ever felt it was desire or thought that it was important. With the small handful of acquaintances that I did have a crush on, I didn't mind if it just stayed on a friends level without it going anywhere else. I identify as grey ro, but there's been a few times where I've questioned whether or not I was more romo, or more aro, usually leaning towards wondering if I was more aro, or at least grey aro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyakinthos Posted April 11, 2016 Author Share Posted April 11, 2016 13 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said: Did the feelings fade when they started to show romantic feelings towards you? no... in fact, they faded after about a week without talking to them and the suspicion that they probably just went out with me to be nice. but i still have this feeling of having dodged a bullet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 1 hour ago, hyakinthos said: no... in fact, they faded after about a week without talking to them and the suspicion that they probably just went out with me to be nice. but i still have this feeling of having dodged a bullet. As far as I heard fading romantic feelings are only one possibility of what lith-/akoi-/apromanticism could be. I think for some lithromantics that label means that they do feel romantic attraction, but don't want to act on it or don't feel the need to act on it or if they do get into a relationship, they might feel uncomfortable being it. So if your crushes were actually crushes, lithromantic might be the right word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyakinthos Posted April 11, 2016 Author Share Posted April 11, 2016 thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louis On Air Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I recently considered if I have romantic feelings for my best friend (a first) because I really like her company but it may be just the desire for a platonic relationship. I don't know but I do see what you're mentioning here. A fading interest may be Lithromantic also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omitef Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 On 4/11/2016 at 5:29 PM, hyakinthos said: hey. milo here. i know for sure that i'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, i can't possibly rule that out, but i don't really know where i fall on that spectrum. see here, the thing is, i just don't understand whether or not i've had any real crushes in the past. there have been times when i've been attracted to people, but in retrospect it's been sexual attraction, or i've had something that was probably a real crush but balked at the idea of entering a relationship. i have been in a relationship once before, and although i did not dislike the person, i felt horrified, trapped, and ashamed the entire time. because of these factors, i identified comfortably as exclusively aro for a while... but recently, i developed what i'm fairly certain was a crush on somebody (i can't be sure, the concept thereof has always been a little elusive to me) and i even went on a date with them. but after that, my interest in them has begun to fade... can anyone offer some insight as to where i might place myself? Hi! I can relate to your post quite a bit, and I identify as lithro. I felt less romantically attracted to many of my crushes, and more sexually attracted to them. I do balk at the idea of entering romantic relationships, and it makes me feel gross to be in romantic relationships. I still get crushes, but my attraction to them starts turning into repulsion as soon as they start to go beyond casual flirtation with me, and imply they're serious. Maybe lithro is a label that would work for you. Here are two resources on lithromanticism that you might find helpful: I Am A Lithromantic -- The Girl Made of Stone An article written by a lithro, about what it feels like to be lithro. I can relate to it a lot. Lithromanticism The original tumblr blog where the term "lithromanticism" was created. The blog is run by the creators of the term, and they've answered questions about lithromanticism in the past. I think they're currently on hiatus because of mental health issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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