Guest Ky3456 Posted September 9, 2021 Share Posted September 9, 2021 Anyone Help!!?? So I am a heterosexual woman who is biromantic,cupiosexual and lithrosexual. I am fully straight but I have had a relationship with a girl. At some point I thought I was bisexual but I am not. I had a queerplatonic relationship with the girl. But then I desire being in a relationship but I don't want it(my cupio side). And I have had crushes on people but I didn't feel the need to go further. I like it just being a crush and falling in love in theory but in reality if they too had a crush on me and confessed I would loose interest in them. I fall out of love quicklly. I don't want my love to be reciprocated( hence my lithro side). Who goes through this. I am just confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Littl4ngel Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 Hi I’ve been reading all of your messages for 20 minutes now and I really recognize myself in your experiences like I’ve always been craving for romantic relationships but it’s like I’m also okay with being alone I don’t suffer from not being loved and don’t really feel romantic attraction. And the strangest thing is that every time someone confesses to me I kinda feel butterflies and there is like a fake reaction of attraction/love produced by my brain to trick me into thinking that I love them. Like idk it’s really strange for days I’ll be imagining my life with them, thinking about dating them and idealising our love life together. But then it suddenly disappears and all the magic moments that I was experiencing are disappearing too. I will then try to avoid contact with them, I will feel repulsed by them and just realise that I don’t really love them. I’ve always mistaken these feelings with the fear of fondness/emotional attachment but now that I discovered this part of the aromantic « label » I definitely recognize myself in this definition! Tell me what you think about what I just said because I’m interested in it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost and confused Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 Ok so I feel like this may describe me really well. I used to have fantasies about being in a relationship and i don’t think I’m ace, but I very well might be aro. This is so confusing for me. Recently, I was really positive I had a crush on this girl and flirted with her kinda jokingly kinda not. She ended up saying she had a crush on me too, and for the first like 48 hours it was really nice (I didn’t see her for that time when she confessed). And then we hung out once and it was really fun. And, very quickly, I started feeling really really uncomfortable whenever I was reminded that I was in a relationship or even when I would see her. In fact, I feel incredibly guilty whenever I see her because for some reason the idea/reality of being in a relationship is really uncomfortable and scary. The whole situation of me being in a relationship just feels wrong and I don’t honestly know why. However, I have been in a relationship before this (during hard lockdown quarantine so we rarely saw each other in person and when we did we just hung out as friends) and I genuinely enjoyed it. I also didn’t really feel pressured to act or do anything differently because we had already been good friends before this. Eventually I also ended the relationship, but more because life was screwing me over at that time. I can’t tell if I am just not ready for a relationship or if I don’t want romantic relationships in general. The more I learn about the aro community the more I feel like I am a part of it, but at the same time it’s hard for me to tell if past family stuff and my resulting commitment issues are just unresolved or if I genuinely don’t feel romantic attraction. The more I think about it the more I seem to realize that I really just want the deep emotional connection like a best friend—someone you can share secrets with, and *platonically* love and always support, but I don’t want the romantic aspect. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else or if I am just rambling nonsense at this point haha. Oh and the idea of a QPR (queer platonic relationship) is very appealing to me. It seems to fit everything I would hope for. So my main question I guess is from what I have said does it seem like I am looking for a romantic relationship and am just not emotionally stable right now, am with the wrong person, or am cupioromantic/aro. If anyone has experience something similar please help me TT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asexualpanda27 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 On 11/17/2021 at 12:01 AM, Guest Lost and confused said: Ok so I feel like this may describe me really well. I used to have fantasies about being in a relationship and i don’t think I’m ace, but I very well might be aro. This is so confusing for me. Recently, I was really positive I had a crush on this girl and flirted with her kinda jokingly kinda not. She ended up saying she had a crush on me too, and for the first like 48 hours it was really nice (I didn’t see her for that time when she confessed). And then we hung out once and it was really fun. And, very quickly, I started feeling really really uncomfortable whenever I was reminded that I was in a relationship or even when I would see her. In fact, I feel incredibly guilty whenever I see her because for some reason the idea/reality of being in a relationship is really uncomfortable and scary. The whole situation of me being in a relationship just feels wrong and I don’t honestly know why. However, I have been in a relationship before this (during hard lockdown quarantine so we rarely saw each other in person and when we did we just hung out as friends) and I genuinely enjoyed it. I also didn’t really feel pressured to act or do anything differently because we had already been good friends before this. Eventually I also ended the relationship, but more because life was screwing me over at that time. I can’t tell if I am just not ready for a relationship or if I don’t want romantic relationships in general. The more I learn about the aro community the more I feel like I am a part of it, but at the same time it’s hard for me to tell if past family stuff and my resulting commitment issues are just unresolved or if I genuinely don’t feel romantic attraction. The more I think about it the more I seem to realize that I really just want the deep emotional connection like a best friend—someone you can share secrets with, and *platonically* love and always support, but I don’t want the romantic aspect. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else or if I am just rambling nonsense at this point haha. Oh and the idea of a QPR (queer platonic relationship) is very appealing to me. It seems to fit everything I would hope for. So my main question I guess is from what I have said does it seem like I am looking for a romantic relationship and am just not emotionally stable right now, am with the wrong person, or am cupioromantic/aro. If anyone has experience something similar please help me TT I can’t tell you what you are or aren’t ready for, nor can I decide if you’re part of the aro community or not. Those are things you get to decide for yourself. What I can say is that if identifying as aropsec makes you breathe a little easier, if the aro community is helpful for you and makes you feel like you belong, if it just feels right to identify this way, do it. You can change the labels in the future if you want to. Labels aren’t permanent unless you want them to be. It’s tempting to think there’s a “right” answer for how you should identify, but there isn’t. There’s only what makes you feel happy and what feels right for yourself in the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aversa Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 I feel the same. I am cupio. And it hurts. I want romance but...well... Aro all the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CurlyGirl Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Is anyone else kind of struggling with the idea that you might never have a romantic relationship? I’ve had “crushes” in the past but tbh I have realised recently that they were just squishes (only found out abt that tent today and I love it ?). I found out about the label cupiosexual/romantic last yr, and kind of went well that could be me and moved on. I have been having a bit of a sexuality crisis recently and I have gone from thinking I was maybe asexual to maybe a lesbian to maybe an asexual lesbian to maybe an asexual pan romantic to today rediscovering the term cupioromantic and realising that it is me!! I really want and love the idea of a romantic relationship, but the idea of kissing someone kinda freaks me out and I can just never picture myself having that sort of relationship with anyone! Like I love the idea of all of that I really want that for myself, but I just can’t picture it with anyone. I don’t know if I’m cupioromantic or just haven’t met someone yet. Help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chantal Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 I have never related to something so much. I have always wanted a relationship and eventually kids, but I'm both cupioromantic and apothisexual. And in my head the idea of having a boyfriend and cuddling and chilling together seems really nice, like the general feeling if you know what I mean. But if I ever imagine actually doing that with anyone I wanna throw up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Muis Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 Reading all this is almost making me cry haha. I feel very understood, but accepting that I'm aro is a hard thing to do... I really want a romantic relationship. I love the idea of loving someone and being loved by someone, but if I look in reality I've never felt that way with someone. Combining this with the fact that I'm asexual and autistic also makes that I've never tried to date or kiss someone, so no experience for me that I can reference. There's one person I've ever had a crush one, but I'm really not sure if that's romantic attraction or a mix of aesthetic, platonic and sensual attraction. Probably the latter... There's a mix of happiness because I feel understood, but there's also sadness from accepting that I'll never have something like that. My idea of a romantic relationship could also fit a queerplatonic one, but I'm scared of getting closer to people. I have a hard time staying in touch with people (probably caused/fueled by my autism) and in basically all friend groups I've been in I've felt/been left out one way or another. This makes that I have a hard time imagining being very close with anyone that I'm not romantically attracted to, even though I've never felt romantic attraction, but I can sort of imagine the feeling because I've read so much about it (is that clearly explained?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Romeo Posted April 29, 2022 Share Posted April 29, 2022 I myself am not aro or ace or fall under the cupioromantic area - however I am dating a asexual and we met a person we want to add in a poly relationship but they told me they are cupioromantic - does this mean they are not able to feel love or learn to love me and my partner ? Or ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asexualpanda27 Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 On 4/29/2022 at 4:45 PM, Guest Romeo said: I myself am not aro or ace or fall under the cupioromantic area - however I am dating a asexual and we met a person we want to add in a poly relationship but they told me they are cupioromantic - does this mean they are not able to feel love or learn to love me and my partner ? Or ? Cupioromantic generally means that someone wants a romantic relationship though they don’t feel romantic attraction. That doesn’t mean they can’t feel love. Love is broad. Love is not just romantic. If romance is specifically something that you want or need in a relationship, you should talk to your asexual partner about what it means to them and what they want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dio Posted June 5, 2022 Share Posted June 5, 2022 I learned about cupioromantic last night and it really helped me. I've never had a crush on anyone before but I've always wanted to be in a relationship and things like that. Finally finding a label for myself has already helped me so much. Growing up I've always been around people who've been in relationships or had crushes on other people. I've felt so lonely my entire life thinking that something was wrong with me. It also didn't help that no one has ever confessed to me before and so I still feel like I'm gonna be alone forever. I don't mean to put such a bad mood on this discussion but I feel like I can actually talk about it now since every time I've tried to I usually get shut down or people look at me weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJisConfused Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 12:03 PM, Guest Muis said: I really want a romantic relationship. I love the idea of loving someone and being loved by someone, but if I look in reality I've never felt that way with someone. I feel the same! The idea of having a life partner that loves you unconditionally sounds amazing and something that I would like to have in the future. But I also find that I'm never interested in dating or meeting new people with the main goal being to form a romantic bond. It's always "wow they're so cool I can't wait to be they're best friend". I feel like a walking paradox of wanting romance and partnership but not being able to look at someone romantically. (There may be some demiromantic parts here too) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chloe Green Posted August 2, 2022 Share Posted August 2, 2022 I feel the exact same way! At first, I thought i was aromantic but now that i think about it, i do want romance but i just don’t feel anything. It started a year ago when i started dating this boy and at first, I thought I really liked Ashton but then I suddenly just realised that I don’t actually love him. I liked him, but it wasn’t love. I thought it was normal to just to stop loving someone but after I did some research I started to realise that I might be aromantic. But then i thought had a crush on Sophia and we dated for a while, until i realised i never loved her i was just wanting something that I could never get. it’s not just these 2, its happened with every relationship i’ve had and its so annoying. I always watch romances with my family and it makes me so sad and even jealous of the couples on tv and irl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jackiel (he/they/she) Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 It is currently 2 am and I'm having a crisis here 😃 What if I'm cupioromantic? I'm 15 and I've had 2ish relationships(?) And the 2nd person I 'dated' (let's call them bee) was really nice. I first saw them walking past me in the hall, in school, and I thought they were so cool! Bee has like a cool mullet hair thing and a kind of punk vibe going. And then one day, I was eating lunch with my friends and I felt someone tap my back and it was this random girl I'd never seen before, and she said something like 'Hi, my friend Bee here thinks you look cool and they want to be your friend' and so I gave them my number and then we started texting after school. And, the thing is, that's all we did for like a month. We didn't meet up or anything, and I think that we didn't really get to know eachother, or anything? And I know I'm gonna sound like a dick for saying this, but I kind of got tired of their constant texting. I mean, I would wake up with a text of them, they would text me during lessons and then again during our break, and then they wanted to text again after school and then more after dinner. Basically the entire day. And I am very much an introvert, ok? I usually don't speak more than 10 sentences during a school day, and suddenly, you want me to speak non. fucking. stop. And I just couldn't handle that, ok? So I started thinking up excuses to just not text anymore. And then, they asked to meet up in the school bathroom. It was very. fucking. awkward. We hadn't spoken to eachother irl. But, nontheless, we hugged. Like, for five minutes long, and that felt really nice, y'know? And then the next day, we met up again, and it started out awkward again, but we ended up kissing and that was really nice as well and I was really happy with them (besides the endless texting). Bee eventually broke up with me because..... Actually, I'm not sure why, but I was a huge dick about it and I feel really guilty about it, because it wasn't even that serious, and we hadn't even met two months prior and- I'm getting of topic here. The point is, it was really nice, y'know, and I liked kissing and hugging them a lot. But it was just that. I liked the actions, not Bee themselve. At least I think... I think Bee looks aesthetically pleasing, and their skin felt soft and their lips felt good against mine, but I'm not sure I actually liked them, romantically? Which brings me to my point; Because I do really want to have a romantic relationship with someone. I want someone to kiss me awake in the mornings and I want someone to hug when I'm upset. But I just don't know if I'll ever be able to. Which fucking sucks. I really hope I'm not cupioromantic. I just don't fucking know, man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hello Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 Tho i am not cupioromantic my best friend is cupioromantic and i feel rly bad for her and want to help her feel things, she says that if she feels something from someone theres always a voice saying, “you only like them because of their face” which is really hard, and i know she cant just shut them up because its a part of her. Ive search tons of things on how to make her feel something because she really is missing out a tons. she has never been in a relationship before and i really wanna help her. Can you please help?? (ps. I think shes going insane, she says shes gonna marry a guy in her head help🏃♀️💨) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
96Neko Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 First i thought i was aromatic but on the other side i wouldn't mind do be in a relationship but i didn't desire it really strong its more like a "i'm fine with those relationships" so i'm Cupioromantic and thats fine by me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Just Looking :D Posted October 28, 2022 Share Posted October 28, 2022 I get really confused about my Aromantic identity. I identify as grey-aro right now, but cupioromantic describes me so well. I still want to fall in love and do romantic stuff, but I don't feel romantic attraction. I'm also worried that if I finally accept that I'm Aro, I'll never meet a person(s) that truly accept me not feeling romantic feelings for them. I'm just so confused. I'm guess I'm cupioromantic, but I don't want to be. Should I just accept that I'm Aromantic and Cupioromantic or should I just try having romantic feelings for someone, knowing it'll probably never happen? - <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juneybug Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 (edited) I just found this post today and it explains everything. I have had actual full meltdowns and cry seshs wondering why I have not be in a romantic relationship yet and why I have not ever really had a crush. Every time I think about it I can never seem to understand how you would know it was a crush. Ive never been in a relationship, or kissed anyone or done anything relationship like but I desperately want to. Finding a label that fits and describes exactly how I feel is amazing and it really helps to know that other people feel the same. Figuring it out though also sucks because I really, really want to have all the same experiences you see people in relationships have. I want someone that is just for me, that I can rely on and that I can cuddle, and kiss and love but I dont think it is ever going to happen. This whole revelation actually happened because I started crying while watching heartstopper because everyone is just living their lives and loving each other and I just so desperately wanted that but had never felt anything like people described romantic feelings. It is all really confusing but finding this really helped. Edited August 7, 2023 by juneybug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krispykhickensandwich Posted September 9, 2023 Share Posted September 9, 2023 On 8/26/2018 at 8:01 PM, AroAce said: Haii! I'm pretty new here. I just realized a couple of days ago all the "crushes" I had in my life were actually squishes. That was a bit life-changing for me. I always thought I was heteromantic and considered myself one of the most romantic people I knew. You can imagine, then, my surprise when I realized that nope, I have no clue what romantic attraction feels like. However, I have come across the term cupioromantic and everything made sense ...but also started to suck. For anyone who is not familiar with the term, a cupioromantic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction, but is open to (and may even really desire) a romantic relationship. So... I am aromantic as in I do not feel romantic attraction, but I can't help but feel left out in the aro community because I crave romance so much. I can't help it! I just do! I have even considered the possibility that I am just in denial of my orientation. I don't even know... There is just something about romantic relationships that I really really want! I really hope there are others out there that feel the same way... Let me know your opinions in the comments! ❤️ *NOTE: I have experienced repulsion to kissing, though. So I don't know if I like romantic relationships only in theory..? The thought of kissing did not bother me, but when it was the time to do it I was on the verge of a panic attack!* me too me too oml. I. for a long time i thought i was straight, then bisexual/biromantic, then pan, but i've come to a similar realisation regarding crushes vs squishes and I've realized that it might not necessarily be a romantic relationship that i want, even though i love romance in theory and adore well-written romantic queer media, but perhaps a general life partner or QPR, where things like cuddling and emotional intimacy are involved (I do have an ick about kissing though too- i"m not sure I'd ever want to do it and can't imagine myself doing it with anyone) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ajoy Posted November 13, 2023 Share Posted November 13, 2023 On 1/1/2020 at 6:01 PM, asexualpanda27 said: But sometimes I think that maybe I'm only using aroFLUX or GRAYro because I want to deny the fact that I'm actually completely aro. That thought scares me. I want a romantic relationship/a deeply committed relationship (which, let's be honest, for alloromantics are basically the same thing) that I'm afraid I'm denying the fact that I might never be able to experience a traditional romantic relationship in any way, shape, or form. This right here, you phrased it so well! I have also slowly come to identify as ace and aro, but cupio seems to feel the closest to what I hold in myself, the desire for being both true to myself and also very close to a beautiful person. But most of the time I'm so content and peaceful single, just by myself chillin, but I also don't want to let go of my small desire for maybe some day having a committed relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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