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Cupioromantic struggles


AroAce
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Anyone Help!!??

So I am a heterosexual woman who is biromantic,cupiosexual and lithrosexual.

I am fully straight but I have had a relationship with a girl. At some point I thought I was bisexual but I am not. I had a queerplatonic relationship with the girl.

But then I desire being in a relationship but I don't want it(my cupio side). And I have had crushes on people but I didn't feel the need to go further. I like it just being a crush and falling in love in theory but in reality if they too had a crush on me and confessed I would loose interest in them.  I fall out of love quicklly. I don't want my love to be reciprocated( hence my lithro side). 

Who goes through this. I am just confused.

 

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
Guest Littl4ngel

Hi I’ve been reading all of your messages for 20 minutes now and I really recognize myself in your experiences like I’ve always been craving for romantic relationships but it’s like I’m also okay with being alone I don’t suffer from not being loved and don’t really feel romantic attraction. And the strangest thing is that every time someone confesses to me I kinda feel butterflies and there is like a fake reaction of attraction/love produced by my brain to trick me into thinking that I love them. Like idk it’s really strange for days I’ll be imagining my life with them, thinking about dating them and idealising our love life together. But then it suddenly disappears and all the magic moments that I was experiencing are disappearing too. I will then try to avoid contact with them, I will feel repulsed by them and just realise that I don’t really love them. I’ve always mistaken these feelings with the fear of fondness/emotional attachment but now that I discovered this part of the aromantic « label » I definitely recognize myself in this definition! Tell me what you think about what I just said because I’m interested in it!

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Guest Lost and confused

Ok so I feel like this may describe me really well. I used to have fantasies about being in a relationship and i don’t think I’m ace, but I very well might be aro. This is so confusing for me. Recently, I was really positive I had a crush on this girl and flirted with her kinda jokingly kinda not. She ended up saying she had a crush on me too, and for the first like 48 hours it was really nice (I didn’t see her for that time when she confessed). And then we hung out once and it was really fun. And, very quickly, I started feeling really really uncomfortable whenever I was reminded that I was in a relationship or even when I would see her. In fact, I feel incredibly guilty whenever I see her because for some reason the idea/reality of being in a relationship is really uncomfortable and scary. The whole situation of me being in a relationship just feels wrong and I don’t honestly know why. However, I have been in a relationship before this (during hard lockdown quarantine so we rarely saw each other in person and when we did we just hung out as friends) and I genuinely enjoyed it. I also didn’t really feel pressured to act or do anything differently because we had already been good friends before this. Eventually I also ended the relationship, but more because life was screwing me over at that time.

I can’t tell if I am just not ready for a relationship or if I don’t want romantic relationships in general. The more I learn about the aro community the more I feel like I am a part of it, but at the same time it’s hard for me to tell if past family stuff and my resulting commitment issues are just unresolved or if I genuinely don’t feel romantic attraction. The more I think about it the more I seem to realize that I really just want the deep emotional connection like a best friend—someone you can share secrets with, and *platonically* love and always support, but I don’t want the romantic aspect. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else or if I am just rambling nonsense at this point haha. 

 

Oh and the idea of a QPR (queer platonic relationship) is very appealing to me. It seems to fit everything I would hope for. 

 

So my main question I guess is from what I have said does it seem like I am looking for a romantic relationship and am just not emotionally stable right now, am with the wrong person, or am cupioromantic/aro. If anyone has experience something similar please help me TT

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  • 2 months later...
On 11/17/2021 at 12:01 AM, Guest Lost and confused said:

Ok so I feel like this may describe me really well. I used to have fantasies about being in a relationship and i don’t think I’m ace, but I very well might be aro. This is so confusing for me. Recently, I was really positive I had a crush on this girl and flirted with her kinda jokingly kinda not. She ended up saying she had a crush on me too, and for the first like 48 hours it was really nice (I didn’t see her for that time when she confessed). And then we hung out once and it was really fun. And, very quickly, I started feeling really really uncomfortable whenever I was reminded that I was in a relationship or even when I would see her. In fact, I feel incredibly guilty whenever I see her because for some reason the idea/reality of being in a relationship is really uncomfortable and scary. The whole situation of me being in a relationship just feels wrong and I don’t honestly know why. However, I have been in a relationship before this (during hard lockdown quarantine so we rarely saw each other in person and when we did we just hung out as friends) and I genuinely enjoyed it. I also didn’t really feel pressured to act or do anything differently because we had already been good friends before this. Eventually I also ended the relationship, but more because life was screwing me over at that time.

I can’t tell if I am just not ready for a relationship or if I don’t want romantic relationships in general. The more I learn about the aro community the more I feel like I am a part of it, but at the same time it’s hard for me to tell if past family stuff and my resulting commitment issues are just unresolved or if I genuinely don’t feel romantic attraction. The more I think about it the more I seem to realize that I really just want the deep emotional connection like a best friend—someone you can share secrets with, and *platonically* love and always support, but I don’t want the romantic aspect. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else or if I am just rambling nonsense at this point haha. 

 

Oh and the idea of a QPR (queer platonic relationship) is very appealing to me. It seems to fit everything I would hope for. 

 

So my main question I guess is from what I have said does it seem like I am looking for a romantic relationship and am just not emotionally stable right now, am with the wrong person, or am cupioromantic/aro. If anyone has experience something similar please help me TT

I can’t tell you what you are or aren’t ready for, nor can I decide if you’re part of the aro community or not. Those are things you get to decide for yourself. What I can say is that if identifying as aropsec makes you breathe a little easier, if the aro community is helpful for you and makes you feel like you belong, if it just feels right to identify this way, do it. You can change the labels in the future if you want to. Labels aren’t permanent unless you want them to be. It’s tempting to think there’s a “right” answer for how you should identify, but there isn’t. There’s only what makes you feel happy and what feels right for yourself in the moment. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest CurlyGirl

Is anyone else kind of struggling with the idea that you might never have a romantic relationship? I’ve had “crushes” in the past but tbh I have realised recently that they were just squishes (only found out abt that tent today and I love it ?). I found out about the label cupiosexual/romantic last yr, and kind of went well that could be me and moved on. I have been having a bit of a sexuality crisis recently and I have gone from thinking I was maybe asexual to maybe a lesbian to maybe an asexual lesbian to maybe an asexual pan romantic to today rediscovering the term cupioromantic and realising that it is me!! I really want and love the idea of a romantic relationship, but the idea of kissing someone kinda freaks me out and I can just never picture myself having that sort of relationship with anyone! Like I love the idea of all of that I really want that for myself, but I just can’t picture it with anyone. I don’t know if I’m cupioromantic or just haven’t met someone yet. Help! 

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Chantal

I have never related to something so much.

I have always wanted a relationship and eventually kids, but I'm both cupioromantic and apothisexual. And in my head the idea of having a boyfriend and cuddling and chilling together seems really nice, like the general feeling if you know what  I mean. But if I ever imagine actually doing that with anyone I wanna throw up.

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Guest Muis

Reading all this is almost making me cry haha. I feel very understood, but accepting that I'm aro is a hard thing to do... 

I really want a romantic relationship. I love the idea of loving someone and being loved by someone, but if I look in reality I've never felt that way with someone. Combining this with the fact that I'm asexual and autistic also makes that I've never tried to date or kiss someone, so no experience for me that I can reference. 

There's one person I've ever had a crush one, but I'm really not sure if that's romantic attraction or a mix of aesthetic, platonic and sensual attraction. Probably the latter...

There's a mix of happiness because I feel understood, but there's also sadness from accepting that I'll never have something like that.  My idea of a romantic relationship could also fit a queerplatonic one, but I'm scared of getting closer to people. I have a hard time staying in touch with people (probably caused/fueled by my autism) and in basically all friend groups I've been in I've felt/been left out one way or another. This makes that I have a hard time imagining being very close with anyone that I'm not romantically attracted to, even though I've never felt romantic attraction, but I can sort of imagine the feeling because I've read so much about it (is that clearly explained?)

 

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Romeo

I myself am not aro or ace or fall under the cupioromantic area - however I am dating a asexual and we met a person we want to add in a poly relationship but they told me they are cupioromantic - does this mean they are not able to feel love or learn to love me and my partner ? Or ? 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/29/2022 at 4:45 PM, Guest Romeo said:

I myself am not aro or ace or fall under the cupioromantic area - however I am dating a asexual and we met a person we want to add in a poly relationship but they told me they are cupioromantic - does this mean they are not able to feel love or learn to love me and my partner ? Or ? 

Cupioromantic generally means that someone wants a romantic relationship though they don’t feel romantic attraction. That doesn’t mean they can’t feel love. Love is broad. Love is not just romantic. If romance is specifically something that you want or need in a relationship, you should talk to your asexual partner about what it means to them and what they want. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest dio

I learned about cupioromantic last night and it really helped me. I've never had a crush on anyone before but I've always wanted to be in a relationship and things like that. Finally finding a label for myself has already helped me so much. Growing up I've always been around people who've been in relationships or had crushes on other people. I've felt so lonely my entire life thinking that something was wrong with me. It also didn't help that no one has ever confessed to me before and so I still feel like I'm gonna be alone forever. I don't mean to put such a bad mood on this discussion but I feel like I can actually talk about it now since every time I've tried to I usually get shut down or people look at me weird.

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On 3/21/2022 at 12:03 PM, Guest Muis said:

I really want a romantic relationship. I love the idea of loving someone and being loved by someone, but if I look in reality I've never felt that way with someone.

 

I feel the same! The idea of having a life partner that loves you unconditionally sounds amazing and something that I would like to have in the future. But I also find that I'm never interested in dating or meeting new people with the main goal being to form a romantic bond. It's always "wow they're so cool I can't wait to be they're best friend".

I feel like a walking paradox of wanting romance and partnership but not being able to look at someone romantically. (There may be some demiromantic parts here too) 

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  • 1 month later...

I feel the exact same way! At first, I thought i was aromantic but now that i think about it, i do want romance but i just don’t feel anything.

It started a year ago when i started dating this boy and at first, I thought I really liked Ashton but then I suddenly just realised that I don’t actually love him. I liked him, but it wasn’t love. I thought it was normal to just to stop loving someone but after I did some research I started to realise that I might be aromantic. But then i thought had a crush on Sophia and we dated for a while, until i realised i never loved her i was just wanting something that I could never get. it’s not just these 2, its happened with every relationship i’ve had and its so annoying.

I always watch romances with my family and it makes me so sad and even jealous of the couples on tv and irl.

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