EternallyTBD

I was thinking about reading that but never got around to it! I’ll have to try both of her books : ) I just finished The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (by one of my favorite authors, Taylor Jenkins Reid) and it has no a-spec characters but several relationships that could be described as QPRs and explores lots of kinds of relationships.

The town and the green by AJR

I love glass frogs

Oh of course it’s the best Im sorry, I hope everyone moves past it soon

I feel that sometimes but it’s definitely an OCD thing for me

I read Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria. It was absolutely amazing, the kind of standalone that has the weight of a trilogy. 3 of the 4 main characters are queer and one is ace and I assume grayromantic. A lot of the book is based in one of her incredible platonic relationships that she puts a lot of significance in.

As an aroace, I see platonic love as one of the most important things I experience (on the same level of other kinds of love, not romantic or sexual for me obviously though). Which isn’t to say “love is what makes us human” or anything like that but I highly value the kinds of love I experience in my life. If he loves you platonically and is aroace, that probably still means that he loves you a whole lot, and in an equally if not more important way to him. As someone who forced themself to think a close instance of platonic love was romantic, I might be able to help you understand what he’s saying, too. I very much would have been physically affectionate with the person I had a supposed crush on, because I was sure that was what I wanted. And I probably would have enjoyed it. But knowing now who I am, that that’s not my priority or even something I vaguely want, I have a totally different attitude toward it.

That’s cool that you don’t need to label your gender, I don’t know if I could have done that!

I believe being genderfluid between male and nonbinary is sometimes called being gendermars or genderfaun. It seems to be most commonly described as being genderfluid but not experiencing female genders.

It could be possible that however you identify may not be connected to your pronouns. Anybody, of any gender, can use whatever pronouns they feel for them best, despite the typical stereotypes. Even as a nonbinary person, I am considering using neopronouns or he/they pronouns to see if they make me more comfortable. And about labels, I think they’re really interesting because I know that personally I really needed them for validation when I first started to sort it my gender and sexuality but now as I’ve grown more comfortable I feel less attracted to them. My school’s GSA had a conversation about labels that I found really insightful, that all of the things we label are based on social constructs and we can choose to exist as label-less and just be who we are without describing it necessarily. However, the hard part I think is that some people have a hard time excepting that just because a label isn’t needed doesn’t mean that the person is just going through a “phase” or that their gender or sexuality may change because they don’t label it, which is (in most cases) just incorrect and even harmful. So I guess what I’m getting to is that if you can be at peace with yourself without labeling your gender and just being whoever you are, and know that other people have no right to invalidate you because of it. But if you feel like a label would make you feel valid, it is totally ok to search for one too! Just a suggestion: have you considered that you could be a demiboy or fluid between nonbinary and male? It is also completely ok to not want some, or even any, forms of gender affirming surgery, or non-surgical options if that is the case (like a binder); it wouldn’t make you “less trans” in any way. And if people tell you otherwise, that’s their problem.

Welcome! I hope you enjoy the community here, I certainly do : ) My name is Winter, I use they/them pronouns but am also trying out e/em (and potentially other neopronouns in the future) to see if that fits better. I am aroace, romance- and sex-averse, if not repulsed. I hardly ever experience platonic attraction, but it’s typically toward guys. I’m also demiqueerplatonic, so it’s cool to find another demi person, even if the type of attraction is a bit different!

Similar situation here, I’ve never been diagnosed but between myself, research, and conversations with people who have ADHD who’ve asked me about it, I have a lot of reason to believe that I am somewhere low on the ADHD spectrum. I also have diagnosed OCD

Hi! I’m an aroace who definitely wants a QPR at some point, but I’m also only 15, so that might not be right away. I’m also demiqueerplatonic, which is really such an insignificant label in my life that I don’t feel the need to label myself, exactly, with it, but it can be helpful to explain my experience. To me it just means that I don’t want a QPR with anyone who I’m not already really close friends with. So I’m only ever really attracted to any of my friends, who are almost all alloromantic. I would like a QPR potentially with one friend in particular, but of course he’s allo. I’m just worried a relationship with him would be completely centered around me, and that wouldn’t be fair to him. And I definitely know that right now I’m not secure enough in myself in a relationship to have a relationship that is not strictly monogamous for everyone. I’m totally ok with other people’s polyamory, but at least now that’s not an option for me. I apologize for my rant, I guess what I’ve been meaning to ask is does anyone have experience with this? Is a monogamous, fair-to-everyone allo-aro QPR possible?

My birthday is march 10 too!

Cinnamon

Was it your birthday?

Pink

Oooo what kind

Idk if this helps but here’s how I see it: That sucks for everyone involved, there really doesn’t seem to have been a “right” solution, and I hope you can move past it and feel better about it soon

For me, it helped to just try it out. I wasn’t confident in my gender until weeks after I started really coming out and using they/them pronouns. It’s really scary, but it’s worth a try and if you think this might be who you are I’d go for it with a few people who you trust will be ok with you changing things as you go if you feel the need to.

I know for me, I needed to start my transition and use different pronouns before I was able to be even close to confident about my gender, and I still don’t feel the need to find anything more specific than nonbinary. It’s a big step, but I’d say if you have an idea try different pronouns or even names with a few friends or even online, like here. It’s definitely ok to be unsure, I was very similar for a while and felt the need to figure everything out immediately. You’re not alone, and I’m sure you’ll figure it out!

Just opened my history textbook to a part about art stuff and the section title is “the romantic impulse”

Wow I’ll have to listen to that too

Pretty good, how about you?

I can be pretty indifferent about people I know well touching me but between this being a focus of my OCD and just my general distaste for it I can even feel disgusted when people I don’t know touch me or when I don’t necessarily consent to it.