Apathetic Echidna

I found these in an old book of insults. 

I would like to say 'no-romo' in all it's many forms is aro culture. Also I argue that 'the friend zone' and it's dreaded enemy 'the romo zone' (and talking about them in those good and evil roles) are components of aro culture

_#noromo

Print this out and use it as a cover for all the work you have to submit. 

I had to dig a bit because they have been buried but here are some article links from the forums that might give you a different perspective, and you could work some into your assignments.

If your teacher gives you the proforma or criteria for marking and you address each section it has but with your own understanding of the question/topic then your teacher can't give you a bad score for not caring about love. (or if they do you can argue it as discrimination)

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1375-article/

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1333-interesting-article/

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1269-not-everyone-kisses-interesting-article/

 http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/892-half-the-worlds-cultures-never-kiss/

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1111-a-brief-history-of-romantic-love-and-why-it-kind-of-sucks/

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/878-history-documentary-on-bedrooms/

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/543-how-romanticism-ruined-love/

I think understanding what is aro behaviour and what is not is very hard because most of it is really about internal intentions. Basically what she was feeling and interpreting things. 

I saw you had a good conversation in another topic with another member, so I hope that helped. 

But yeah, everyone is under a lot of pressure to act a certain way, and for undiscovered aros it is freaking confusing because there are so few examples of how to live that don't end up as partnering up. (It is also really confusing for basically anyone who doesn't find that is their ideal future, but generally they can still find some common understanding in the general idea of romantic partnering up)

If you get along really well it is also possible that her motivations for dating (especially the second time) might have been fear of losing you as a friend. (maybe not, but it is just really really common for friends who want a romantic relationship to ghost us when we are honest)

oh I feel your words. 

You shouldn't have to analyse anything because then you start double guessing and questioning things you never thought about before and it can completely undermine your self-esteem (I have a friend doing this right now and from a small issue it has grown and she now tortures herself over it. So don't let it grow)

Basically that guy was a jerk to blame you for 'leading him on'. He never stated his intentions until that point so how were you to really understand? does he assume everyone can read his mind? BAH! I wouldn't say it is specific to aros...I have friends who go though periods of personal uncertainty in the event of jerks being jerks. I'm sorry your friendship was assassinated by him, and if this scenario is repeating itself for you I have one piece of advice: a good emotional defence is having an offence. Get offended when people ask you out. 

"What? You only hung out with me because of random brain chemistry imbalances you have?" or "Why are you ruining our friendship?" 

(Extra note: don't do this if they are semi-unstable or are trapping you physically with them in some way or alone in the middle of the night or if you are dependant on them for transport. Be safe) 

@treepod oh yeah, that does sound complicated. but understandable now that you explain it that way. 

Maybe knowing about their repulsions (if they have them) might make you feel less conflicted? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ _{or at least then you will know where the landmines are so you know where not to step..}

14 hours ago, Coyote said:

there could be an asterisk-type symbol to denote if a character also has an explicitly-stated sexual orientation,

oh yes yes! that is a very good one. and it could follow the um....now I'm blanking on the divisions, but one is 'word of god'? that denotes whether a character is assumed as representation because of actions or if the character is named either by the author or the character themselves. 

gah! I think I know what I want to say but it is so hard sorting it all out and finding the best place to start it

On 5/19/2019 at 1:36 AM, treepod said:

But I feel like lots of other aro people are always talking about how romantic relationships seem so odd to them. Makes me feel bad for claiming I'm aro too. Now, I'm not saying "please validate me ahhh" Like, I realize we're all different and there's room here for all sorts. I guess I'm just curious if there are other folks who feel the same?

I do find some things about romantic relationships odd, and I think the reason seeing those sorts of comments is so common is because generally online in a-spec spaces are the only places where we can vent or question without being shamed or harassed....sooo these places are totally biased towards complainers  

On 5/19/2019 at 1:36 AM, treepod said:

And why the heck would anyone be attracted to the idea that someone isn't attracted to them?? .-. 

That is pretty common. Instances in reallife are not in statistics but seeing it's commonality in media lots of people buy into it as either an ideal fantasy or something they can relate to. It is troped as 'playing hard to get' and is basically the plot of all those Bad-Boy YA books, not to mention quite a lot of adult romance fiction, so you may think it is strange but it is not uncommon.

On 5/17/2019 at 6:42 AM, Coyote said:

On 5/15/2019 at 10:31 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

On 5/15/2019 at 7:46 AM, The Angel of Eternity said:

I just got done talking to THE Andrew Hendricks!™ about this and he suggested we have some allosexual aro media and some ace aro media?

So how would you break down 'allosexual aro' and 'ace aro' into categories or criteria? 

 

This seems overly reliant on the idea that all aros are either aro allo or aro ace. Some aros aren't.

I said what I said because I don't think you can actually categorise those two as distinct things in media unless there is named representation. I would be happy to be proved wrong but for now it doesn't seem to apply anyway because it couldn't be done. 

confusion sucks. Good luck

I know it is discouraging when people react in a way that hurts but I would encourage you to come out to some of the other people you feel comfortable coming out to, especially if they are in a separate friend group than the friend you mentioned. Of course be safe and only come out when you are comfortable  but other friends may surprise you with good reactions and restore your faith in humanity.  

On 5/15/2019 at 5:28 AM, DeltaV said:

Oolong is good, though I like it more on the black side.

I love oolong!

Oolong and Jasmine are pretty much the only camellia sinensis tea I drink (though if I can get my hands on my mother's expensive white tea I do drink that too, I forget the name but it is amazingly creamy on the tongue) 

I have a range of other infusions and 'teas' that I drink because oolong isn't for all occasions  (either herbs or rooibos)

The oolong I am right into now is the Shui Hsien/Shui Xian/Narcissus which was presented to me by a tea matcher because I used to live near a fancy fancy Chinese tea shop. 

so for the criteria why don't we have scaling scores with extra notes? So in my example 0 is a good score for everything so we don't have conflicting score values. so 0 is none, or wide access and 10 is lots or hard to find/understand

for example:

Moana

Romance Score: 0/10

Sex Score: 0/10

Violence Score: 3/10 (cartoon only, no blood)

Access: 0/10 (Global distribution)

Language: ?/10 English, wide variety of subtitles and dubs? Doe Moana even have dubs? I know about Frozen but not Moana 

Misogynist Score: 1/10 (women are strong in this movie)

Diversity Score: Low (everyone is Polynesian, no recognisable disabilities and LGBT+ unknown)

A-spec Creator: Unknown/Not Applicable

Total: 4/60 Very good! but Low diversity

if there is a site format somewhere where averages of votes can be taken it would incorporate many peoples views. Maybe an excel spreadsheet or something?

You sound fairly aromantic to me, and even if you are still questioning and exploring the aromantic realm I do think maybe you should tell your therapist so they might look into the terms themselves. However there have been cases (some noted on here) where therapists insist on 'fixing' aromantics or are just generally rude and unhelpful. But if you have a good therapist you have a good relationship with then maybe letting them know about aromanticism might make them less concerned. 

On 5/11/2019 at 12:37 AM, Ei_Armoa said:

I'd ideally just want someone like a best friend?

I understand so much of what you are saying! but at this point, my personal solution to being with a best friend in a no-romo way is to have a dog and a flatmate. I am yet to get the dog, but I'm sure they shall be a far superior companion to the one who keeps stealing my dairy products and tuna.  

On 5/12/2019 at 11:52 AM, Enzi said:

definition seems so ambiguous that it's a little intimidating to use

I feel the greatness of grey-romantic is because it is so vague, it can mean anything you need it to so that you don't have to define all the little quirks of your inner-self and experiences. It also means that other people won't have a specific idea of your circumstances, which is useful if you don't like sharing such personal information. However, on the flip side of that finding  label you think fits your experience really closely possibly means you don't have to share such personal information because most of it is already ties into the known definition of the label. 

Basically it is how my geology teacher explained soil maps, some people are splitters and some people are groupers. Groupers are happy with a general idea of what is there, while splitters need to define every single little difference. 

I'm a splitter, and if you are too, then I know your pain at ambiguity. If you feel such changes in your experience maybe you will find the variable labels useful, like aro-flux and aro-spike. 

14 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I get it mixed up with 刀語 a lot

oh, I haven't seen that one. If anything 蟲師 brings to mind 妖怪大戦争 by 三池 崇史 even though that is live action, and 蟲師 is way more chill. 妖怪大戦争 could be put forward as aro content! but the violence! so much violence and cruelty.....and it is a 'childrens movie'! but then it is 三池 崇史 so what do you really expect? also it is so deep in the Japanese cultural content it took me a university course to figure some stuff out and I know I still don't get everything.

2 hours ago, The Angel of Eternity said:

I just got done talking to THE Andrew Hendricks!™ about this and he suggested we have some allosexual aro media and some ace aro media?

So how would you break down 'allosexual aro' and 'ace aro' into categories or criteria? 

or do you mean that the criteria list should include

• author/creator is on aro-spectrum

(which is actually a pretty good one to include for the ultimate aro content)

Also, I had to google Andrew Hendricks and I still have no idea who you mean....the racecar driver? ???

9 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

watch some nice romance-free 遊戯王.

lols, that brings back memories. I'm still trying to finish watching 蟲師 so I can't comment on romance-content, but it is gooooood!

2 hours ago, Holmbo said:

But maybe it can be nuanced a bit.

oh yes yes of course. I just wanted a basic sum up. They could be much more flexible and nuanced.  

And as per your original post I thought we would be proposing content then seeing how it fits in the criteria, rather than using the criteria to find something that fits (then giving it a score or creating warnings like 'Generic Zombie movie example: 100% aromantic content, but may contain beheading' ?). The song and music video clip for 'Never been in love' by Will Jay seems to fit all the criteria so far.

(wow, I never knew emojis could be in italics before now!! ?????)

1 hour ago, Mark said:

The Bechdel test is subject to quite a lot of critique. 

oh definitely. I am one of those critical of it especially when people use it blindly to categorise 'good' and 'bad' media. 

15 hours ago, Holmbo said:

the ultimate aro content

I'm reading Oishinbo and this totally made me laugh! 

As for criteria I like what you have already but maybe instead of being in english it should just have a global distribution or worldwide access. There is lots of media locked up in countries or even regions that is fairly impossible to find outside of that area, and so cannot be an 'ultimate content'. Plus english is fairly pervasive, so if it is good there is bound to be some translation somewhere (english-speakers are gonna english-language stuff). Even english language things can be locked within regions, like I bet none of you know about a Country/Americana cover singer called Archer? (the ones you find online are probably not the guy I mean, like seriously, he sells his CDs wrapped in newspaper) and I have never managed to lay my hands (well, eyes) on the movie ANUVAHOOD (and I know a few native english speakers who can't understand this English english). 

So..

• no romance
• no sex
• no violence
• everyone (globally) can access 
• English, or with available english translation or equivalent content
• respectful diversity (LGBT+, cultural, racial, ethnic, disability, other, more, ???)*
• Female content (if present) is well defined as individual from male content

*Flawed characters are fine, and generally more interesting, but I'm sure we all know many many terrible representations of 'diversity' that are just insulting to those they claim to be representing. Lets avoid those. 

On 4/28/2019 at 4:20 AM, eatingcroutons said:

One thing I was told was that online queer culture does not allow any mention of certain topics; rape fantasies and incest were given as examples of things people are not allowed to discuss.

That seems oddly specific. I know a general rule for online courtesy (anywhere) is don't mention your kink unless it is a kink-safe environment. Basically don't get onto the topic of specifics about arousal and sex unless it has been explicitly stated that it is an open non-judgemental environment that is accepting of that sort of topic. And then the guidelines for that are generally that discussions must be within a consensual and legal framework. I know some places ban specific kinks, but that is certainly not 'standard' across the everything.  

On 4/12/2019 at 8:28 AM, Magni said:

would likely be a lot easier to search.

that would be the main issue for any acronym for me, something like ARENA or AURA will be lost in the search results about crystal energy and football teams. Whatever the name of the site I think the acronym must be as search unique as possible (but not to a ridiculous level, no one wants TAARECP101001##)

Tired

That feeling you get when your eyes are open

I was doing some research for something else and the more I thought the more I realised that the fundamental problem with this idea of sexual and romantic VS other is because ultimately the divide is between instant attractions and extended knowledge attraction. So instant could be things like visual and extended knowledge would be like learning about them. But even then it doesn't take into account reactive attractions or growth of attraction from interest or appreciation. Gah. Maybe I am making it all more complicated than it needs to be and maybe what I am thinking about doesn't even fit the original post. 

Me? well I would coyly laugh at the kissing girls comment and say I am trying to emulate Gerard Manley Hopkins rather than Shakespeare. Hopkins wrote about environmentalism and God, and how industrialisation is a cancer and what can faith be when Nuns are drowned? then throw in one of the darker quotes from one of the more depressing poems, 

Quote

 NOT, I’ll not, carrion comfort, Despair, not feast on thee;    
Not untwist—slack they may be—these last strands of man    
In me ór, most weary, cry I can no more. I can;    
Can something, hope, wish day come, not choose not to be.

...though in reality I am much more likely to smile and nod then leave the room. Though there is always the possibility that I would throw out a comment about not wanting to end up writing like Patsy Cline as I left the room.