Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

Welcome to the Vulcan office, nothing but reason and logic here, no emotions, no sympathy, very little relatability , have fun

I wish I had a pet cat

Banned for being the meter reader, I only parked my TARDIS there for a moment I swear

An aromantic-asexual points out that marrying the first man you meet, the day you met them, might not be a good idea. With a superhuman amount of restraint she manages not to say "I told you so" at the end. 

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(and what about books? Because why not)
A rich child, who believes in fairies, kidnaps a police-woman and keeps her prisoner in the basement.

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It isn't just physical prowess and lots of muscles that make a man a  powerful force for good. It is kindness, determination, and intelligence.........that get the man the muscles and physical prowess he needs to be a powerful force for good.

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Wait, is there a downside???? This sounds like a dream come true, I can learn everything and not be poor. WHere do I sign up??? Can I do research study and projects too. Maybe I'd get a little tired of it, but I think I can live with this

You get a million dollars and a secretary, but everything you write, including by hand and typing, for the next five years, must be dictated to your secretary instead. No more jotting down notes, no more private stories for your eyes only, no more alone time on arocalypse.
 

Banned because however much I agree that puns are awesome, this is the banning thread and everyone has to be banned for something

Steam is no longer available in Australia and New Zealand, I hope you're happy 

I wish my teeth were straight

Granted, the airport is completely flooded, but because it is out of fuel it has to land. It crashes fairly gently, and no one is hurt. But the water is so deep you all have to paddle kyaks the whole distance, with your luggage in the back trying to fall out.


I wish a sequal to Skyrim

(Oops, sorry Louis force of habbit, I had a childhood friend called Louise and my fingers practically type it on their own)

Granted, of course it is because everyone, including you, has been turned to stone and will never move or type again.

I wish I had a decent pair of sunglasses

No. 

A million dollars but you will become immortal, you will never die even if you want to. Even when the world ends and everyone is gone.

Banned for taking the cosine and going of on a tangent

Banned because don't pull the trigger, I surrender.

Albatross! 

I wish Louise had made a wish

Not banned for being a member of the  Being Nice to Bovines Brigade 

It is glued to your hand, with a special type of superglue that can never be removed, and sticks to the new skin that grows, so it will never come off ever.

I wish I could stay constantly awake, and I didn't need to sleep, 

No

You get half a million dollars every year, for the rest of your life. But every year you have to drink a cup of donated human blood. No one else has to know, no one will judge you, and the blood is spare, no one will die because of this, but you also can't disguise it in any way or change the taste

It is super engaging, because it is a training academy for criminals, where she will learn such skills as pocket-picking, breaking and entering, getaway driving, and manufacturing meth.

I wish my house were larger

Banned for giving the cows hot water bottles

They don't do that anymore, and you are left alone, corrupting your own wishes 

I wish I didn't have a cold

You can, and you love it so much that is is all you do, day and night. Until finally the server collapses under all the images. Arocolypse goes down and can never be recovered.

I wish my kitchen didn't keep getting invaded by ants

Banned for trying to make frozen cream by freezing cows

Banned for freezing a bottle of ordinary cream and licking it like a popsicle

No, my balance is rubbish enough as it is.

You get a million dollars but your body switches to the opposite sex to the one you were assigned at birth (regardless of whether that is a good thing or a bad thing for you and your gender)

You can. In fact you never forget them. Or anything, at all. You brain is constantly full of every little tiny detail from every moment of your life, all at once, with no coherence or break. It is very distracting and you completely lose your grasp on reality

I wish I could be constantly clean, and pleasantly aromatic without having to bathe/shower/etc

It doesn't, in fact it has no scenes at all, because it has not only been pulled, it has also been erased from time so it never happened to begin with

I wish for a delicious dinner without having to cook it myself