Queasy_Attention

Realizing I was aro changed the way I viewed relationships in media. I realized that what I really liked about those relationships was the specific attractions I related to- platonic and sexual attractions, specifically. I really like it when two people have an interesting relationship in which their friendship is unique and unexpected, or unlikely yet enduring. I like stories where their physical attraction is unexpected or forbidden, so gay romance really hits with me, particularly historical gay romance. 

I also like the friends-to-lovers trope, because I think my self-insert fantasy is to just have a really good friend with physical attraction/affection/intimacy added into the mix.

I used to ship a lot. Now that I actually know what it is that I like, it takes a little more to get me invested than just a few spare glances. I haven't shipped anything new in a while, but I have a handful of old ships and saved fics that I keep in a back filing cabinet in case I need a pick-me-up. Most of them are for books, TV, or movies, but I do have one old lil' RPF ship that's stuck around with me through the years. They have such a cute dynamic ❤️ 

But now I've mostly been reading original books instead of fanfic. There's a lot of good trashy romance if you know where to look for it, and I've found a few really good ones. It's funny to see which authors know how to write good chemistry and which authors paint by the numbers, lol. I'm not saying original fiction is any better or worse-- and in fact, a couple of books are much worse than some of the stuff I've read on AO3-- but I think I just got tired of having to interpret my own queer reading onto obviously straight media. I like reading books written about queer people for queer people, and I find it more rewarding when the canon text has the guys or the girls get together in the end.

7 minutes ago, treepod said:

"screw the nuclear family, let's start a queer commune!"

put that on a T-shirt lol

17 hours ago, CloudlegtheVolcano said:

as an adult, I will be nobody’s number one.

I honestly don't believe this. Times have changed so much, and with the ever-growing voices of those of us who don't conform to the "fall in love, get married, have 2.5 kids and a house" aspirations that have been standard for decades, friends are becoming more and more important. People, particularly millennials and those younger than them, are staying unmarried for longer, thinking more maturely and seriously about the relationships they do form, facing economic problems that make having kids and getting a house much bigger obstacles than they used to be, and realizing the value in basic friendship and support for one another with no romantic or official strings attached. I think that's wonderful. 

And I believe that if you carry yourself as someone who values friends over romantic relationships, you'll attract like-minded people who see the value in your friendship, and in the love that you share. I have a few close good friends, and I've stayed friends with them through some relationships. I still offer them love and support, and they offer me the same. It doesn't really matter to me if they find romantic partners, because I'm not vying to be "number one" in their lives (and I could go into a multi-paragraph tangent on that but I'll just leave it at that for now.) I just want to be able to show and give them love when they need it, because I care about them. 

I chose definitely not for both marriage and kids. Kids are a hard no, I just don't like the idea of raising them. I'm even uncomfortable looking after them at all, I can't talk to them. Marriage or a QPR was a little more complicated, but I ended up saying no. I don't want anything with a label on it, I don't think. 

Hi! I'm fairly new here, it's exciting to see someone who's more used to the community and the label. Hope to see you around the forum!

I have bipolar 2! It affects the way I view myself and my personality-- I feel like I have a few different "types" of personalities depending on whether I'm in a hypo-manic swing, a depressive dip, or staying more at baseline (which makes things like personality tests kinda difficult, since I usually have two different answers that could apply at two different times.) For those unfamiliar, bipolar 2 is slightly different from bipolar disorder in that it's not as intense and is more or less manageable without hospitalization or intense medication-- though some people do choose to take medication to stabilize their moods.

It's a big part of my life and it's a little strange that I don't really share about it with anyone else. I've never met anyone with bipolar 2, save for lurking in r/bipolar2 lol. I seriously doubt anyone else around here is gonna relate or have this in common, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

7 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I don't know if I said it before but...

YMBAI listening to "can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King, you relate to the par of Timon and Pumbaa, not Simba and Nala. 

LITERALLY NEVER REALIZED THIS BUT SHIT YEAH

also ooh ooh YMBAI all your favorite characters are sassy "third wheels" who think the main will-they-won't-they couple is kinda gross but eggs them on anyway because they want happiness for their friends

Casual SU fan over here! I have a habit of rewatching clips on YT sometimes when I get bored-- plus the songs are catchy and fun to learn to play

Ah, I feel this way too-- I felt it a lot when I was first questioning myself a few months ago. 

I think the main part of it is that I like having a word to describe a part of myself that I've previously felt shame or confusion for. I felt the same way about my bisexual label, or my bipolar 2 label. Having a solid name for something meant that it was legitimate, that I had tangible proof other people would understand my experiences, and gave me a solid justification for the way I felt and acted in my past beyond "well, I guess I'm just a stupid crazy person." 

This feels very similar. Being aro has affected the way I act and feel in quite a few ways, and being able to find a word and a community that describes those feelings and actions feels really good. It felt empowering to look back at the way my past relationships went and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I didn't feel the way I thought I was supposed to feel. It felt exciting to look back at the books and shows and stories I'd read, watch, and write, and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I like these specific tropes and write these characters this way. I read about many other people's experiences and their stories resonated with me. I connected with them in a way that I've never been able to connect with anyone else before. All those feelings really make me want to be Aromantic and fit within that label-- even if I might not be 100% black-and-white "aromantic."

I'm young, I'm only 23, so for all I know I could experience romantic attraction sometime within my life. I'm still trying to come to terms with that, because I really do love being aro and participating within this community. But reality is going to be whatever it's going to be, and if I'm not quite aro then I'm not quite aro. But for now, "Bi AroAllo" seems to fit me better than anything else, so for now I'm keeping it!

Hopefully some of this helped you, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your truth

"ayy-rock-uh-lips" in my head, "uh-rock-uh-lips" if I said it out loud.

Hi, welcome to the forum! 

Huh, I haven't really thought about this before. I've had a strange personal history with friendships, though. Long story short, when I was younger I had a lot of trouble making and keeping friends because of some unchecked mental stuff. Even now that I'm older and I have good friends and I have some solid skills and coping mechanisms for those mental problems, I still have a skewed perspective when it comes to forming relationships (with a lowercase 'r') with other people. I tend to get nervous that they'll think I'm weird, or too much, or annoying, or I'll worry that they'll find another friend and like them more than me, and cut me out. It basically boils down to really strong and partially unhealthy platonic attraction. I've been working on it pretty heavily, and by now I'm in a place where I can be honest about my worries, both with myself and with the people to whom those worries apply. It's helped a lot. 

I definitely do share the excitement-high whenever a friend tells me they love me or that they like to be around me! It's funny, because usually I have no problem telling my friends and even my acquaintances that I love them, because it makes me feel good! But I do have one friend who's close to me, and I had a frank talk with her about how I don't want a relationship but I really valued her as a friend, and we ended up agreeing on a FWB relationship that's going pretty well. I struggle to tell her I love her, not because it's not true, but because I'm worried it might give off signals that I don't wanna give off. (Even though, yes, I've had MULTIPLE conversations telling her what's up, lol.) So that's a little annoying, I guess.

I think I'm lucky right now because both of my close friends aren't in relationships, and as far as I can tell they're not looking for them anytime soon. That gives me some comfort. I'd hope that if they got into relationships, that would just mean that we got another friend into the circle! (I'm optimistic, sue me)

Heya! Welcome, fellow aroallo! Jewelry and model making sounds really cool, it's always neat to learn about other people's hobbies

Ayoo welcome! 

Used notebooks

Ayoooo welcome! Friendships with kissing lmfao we all relate 

Welcome to the club!

I feel the same. I'm on again, off again whenever I think about QPRs. I also really like the fact that I'm aro (now that I actually know that about myself), and I love thinking about how I don't have to tie myself to anyone, or combine my life with someone else's. That being said, I don't want to be completely alone either. It's a strange state of mind-- I want good friends, and I think maybe ideally I'd like someone who was a little more than a friend, maybe someone who understood my relationship to relationships and accepted that. I'm aroallo so really the dream would be to find someone down for a FWB-but-still-like-really-good-friends relationship? I feel you on the not wanting commitment, though, and I'd really hate to label any sort of relationship... 

Shit's confusing, I'll drink to that 

@aroscorpio Yeah of course! Best wishes your way

Heya! I'm an aroallo and I've never had much of a problem identifying my sexual attraction for what it was. I might have a weirdly specific list of things that trigger it, but I definitely know it's there and it works just fine. There's a difference between having an active sex drive/libido and experiencing sexual attraction, though-- there are plenty of aces who have active libidos, but don't feel sexual attraction towards others. That's completely valid-- and so is having no sex drive at all, or even experiencing something in-between. 

To touch on your points a little:

- Finding someone "hot" doesn't always mean I feel sexual attraction. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. It might even be the same person, but depending on the day or on my mood or on my cycle, I might feel sexual attraction towards someone when I see them and I might not. It's a little finickey, lol. 

- I've definitely experienced the want to sleep with someone-- and that again is a little on a spectrum. Sometimes I just like to fantasize about it without actually wanting it in real life, and sometimes I actually do want that experience and wish I could have it. Both, to me, fall under the label of "experiencing sexual attraction."

- I was curious, so I did try one of those ace quizzes online. It seemed pretty... un-scientific and a little biased with limited options, but nonetheless it definitely labeled me as an allosexual, which is accurate. I don't think I'd use this as a baseline for your identity, but it's a good piece to add to the puzzle.

Ayyy welcome to the club Ghosty! I'm right there with you on so many points-- confusing platonic/sensual/physical attraction with romantic attraction, having some nasty breakups/loss of friends as a result, wanting to be around other people who Get It, and also liking romance in media! Hope to see you around the forums

I love coming home after a trip out somewhere. Going away for a week, a couple days, a few hours-- coming home is always the best part. Even if I'm out with friends and I have a great time, it's so nice to close the front door to my house and just rip a giant fart without hesitation.

My first boyfriend was a guy from my work that I thought was both cool and hot (I later learned he was only one of those things.) We kept our relationship mostly under wraps, but a few other coworkers knew and we'd gossip about it all the time. One time, one of them asked me "so do you see yourself marrying him?" and I went "Oh GOD no, no, never" without thinking. It took her completely by surprise, lol

Hiya! I totally relate to not wanting to label too quickly, I felt the same way when I was 16 and figuring out I was bi. Best of luck to you, and remember you can always use the grey-aro (greyro) label if you wanna say "I'm some kind of not-typical romantic" without knowing all the details yet Hope to see you around the site!

I fluctuate how I feel about romance, both in real life and in media. Sometimes I like rereading my favorite romance novels and looking up fanfiction for some queerbaited couple in the latest TV show. Sometimes I think about doing stereotypically romantic things for my friends or people I think are attractive. 

And sometimes I can't stand reading about couples, or seeing people hold hands and kiss, or thinking about doing any of that for myself. 

Sometimes it's even a mix of both. The consistent through-line is that I don't want a traditional romantic relationship, and I never have, no matter how much I told myself I did.

My first aro HC (though I wasn't super aware of it at the time) was Merlin from Kingsman! I shipped Hartwin really badly and loved having Merlin as their best friend who was also aro. He was the shoulder to cry on, and the comforting mattress with no springs attached (ayyyyyy geddit). Aro Merlin will always have a place in my heart.