aussiekirkland

1 hour ago, brsajo said:

Funny thing is, when I found out @aussiekirkland is ace, I still assumed she was heteroromantic, because I know one person who is ace and she was in a relationship at the time so I didn't even think the term asexual was alongside other titles like pansexual and lesbian.

Lmao you poor thing 

11 hours ago, brsajo said:

Romantic orientation is practically unheard of, especially in mainstream media. Heck, I've been on Tumblr for 3 and a half years and I only heard of it once before becoming friends with @aussiekirkland. I think it's very true that lesbians/gays are assumed to be homoromantic and bisexuals are biromantic etc. by the majority of the world's population, since they are unaware that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are completely different things. It just goes to show that there's a lot of things the public needs to learn if we want to have an ideal world.

I think ideally aro/ace awareness would help a lot of people. Aro and ace people would realise they have another option, some allos would realise it's okay to not be in a romantic relationship sometimes and that it doesn't define you or make you sad and they wouldn't put so much pressure on themselves. Other allos would realise it's okay to be close with your friends and might drop the "no homo" crap. Maybe they might find comfort in a QPR.

Really I think awareness would just broaden people's perception of human relationships and allow them to be themselves and not feel like they have to follow social scripts to a t.

41 minutes ago, iridescent-apatosaurus said:

Why, Why, and I mean WHY all media has to have at least one romantic subplot.  I'm not against reading an ocasional romance book, or a show with a romantic arc, but, every single freaking time?

 

No thanks.

Also every single ad in between the shows. You're advertising a car... Why is this so heteronormative!?

Me, my sister and her boyfriend were in the car on the way home from the shops today when she started talking about the bachelor/bachelorette. She mentioned a winning couple that didn't work out because he wasn't affectionate enough:

Me: why doesn't she just have an affectionate friendship as well as her relationship? Like a cuddle buddy!

BF: it doesn't work like that

Sis: most people would consider that cheating

I just... There's a point where monogamy is taken too far? Needing every single one of your needs met from a single person (particularly non romantic needs) sounds seriously unhealthy to me. I just can't understand it. That ideology (which has come up a few times now) is probably the reason why some romantics are so quick to replace their friends and family with a romantic partner.

I haven't had a squish in quite some time, and I've probably only had a handful though they'd last for a good portion of a year. One of the more noteworthy ones was last year.

He had this rock hard shell that no one could seem to crack. No one got past a surface friendship with him, and he often treated me (and others) like shit since I was a bit of a pushover. He was still fun to be around (as a last resort, mind you) but I'd easily tire of the teasing. This was the status quo for about four years until year 12 retreat, just before the year started. He and one of my outer friends (who is now a really good friend) were the only ones in my retreat group who didn't despise my existence and I thought oh boy, just survive the week. I hung out with him out of necessity and we bonded a lot (over our mutual hatred of the retreat program, we were quite bitter together). The moment I remember the most was the final day when we were finally allowed to go to the beach. It was the middle of summer in Australia, and we had just spent a week at a campsite with a couple fans at best. We were all dying to go and I remember us both sprinting into the freezing cold water and just playing for ages. We were splashing and laughing and it was the happiest I had ever seen him, it was like I had managed to barely crack his shell.

This lead to a wonderful friendship in our final school year. We were practically joint at the hip, and while we usually had the bitter aesthetic going on I suspect he was happy deep down to have a proper friend (the people at that school were so fake, and no one else tried to break down his walls like I did). I suspect we could've had a really good QPR, and he was my first squish that I had known was a squish (and not a crush).

He ended up leaving for another state at the end of the year and it still kills me that I didn't tell him how I felt, or how much I appreciated having him there in such a difficult year. I wish I could fly over and give him a big hug and tell him how much I (platonically) love him also because he told me recently he still hasn't made friends at uni. It's hard because I normally grow out of my feelings in my own time but I felt like our time had been cut short and I haven't completely gotten over it.

I'm either myself in first person or a character in third person. So sometimes it's like my life and other times it's like watching one of my favourite shows/anime except they're almost always in my house haha

On 6 April 2016 at 1:52 AM, deltaX said:

I was in a romantic relationship for about a month in my sophomore year of college.  I had a small squish on this guy (although I didn't know what it was called at the time), and he developed a crush on me.  We he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes- partly because I though that my squish was a crush (or that if it wasn't a crush stronger "crush" feelings would develop in the relationship), partly because it was expected of me to have been in a relationship by that point.

 

Once the relationship started I discovered that I can be incredibly romance-repulsed; even the things that were fun to do with this guy as friends felt gross and uncomfortable once it was done in the context of a relationship.  Sometimes it would get so bad that I'd have panic attacks before dates with this guy, even if the date was something completely un-romantic in nature.  I was able to tolerate it (barely) for about a month, until finally I broke up with him.  I felt awful about it because I didn't understand why I couldn't love him the way he loved me, and thought I was just being a bitch for breaking up so soon.

 

At the end of the day though, I guess I'm glad it happened, because it was the confusion from that relationship that made me start to question things, and made me curious enough to start researching asexuality and romantic orientations when I saw a mention of them.

This is what happened to me x2 before I realised I might not be straight. The first time I just didn't have feelings for him so the second time I had a squish on the guy and I thought things would be different because I'd found "the right guy" and I couldn't believe it was turning out exactly the same. The problem was our feelings weren't compatible since what I was feeling wasn't romantic or sexual in nature.

So yeah even though there was a lot of nasty romance repulsion and also some sex repulsion in there I'm still glad those relationships happened or else I'd still be very confused.

10 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

Have you ever heard of dating simulators? They're a thing. I really don't understand how anyone could get any enjoyment out of them.

I feel like that's a bit like harem anime. Who cares about the cute girls and their... Bodies... When you've got monsters to fight!!!

On 5 July 2016 at 10:20 PM, Dodgypotato said:

Hahaha that's great logic! I like it. I thought crush = member of the opposite sex that you'd like to be friends with. Because all members of the opposite sex had cooties that you'd die if you caught. So you couldn't normally be friends. D:

 

Me too about the weddings! I never imagined anything like that! I was always pretending to live in Hogwarts and stuff!!!

I always thought that a crush was a guy I wanted to get to know, because a guy and a girl couldn't possibly be friends, right? This resulted in relationships partially because people told me I couldn't just be friends with my newest guy friend.

I remember when I first watched those romcom: wedding edition movies (think 27 Dresses and Bride Wars) and they always played wedding and dreamed about their wedding/the perfect guy when they were little and I thought "do girls really do that? Well, I guess I'll give it a try..." And forgot about it a day later.

On 12 June 2016 at 6:04 AM, Chronos said:

So, you are a writer @Rising Sun?

What do you like to write about?

 

You people, at what age more or less you just said "f*** it" and stopped waiting for "the right one"?

It took me until I was 17 to realise the whole thing was pointless. Just before I realised I was aro ace, I had just gotten out of my second relationship and had sort of promised myself to lay off relationships for the foreseeable future, because regardless of what was "wrong with me" I just wanted to be happy and relationships weren't doing that for me.

Shortly after that I came across the community and all of the feelings that had been bubbling up in me for the past couple of years had been put into words (such as romance/sex repulsed, sensual attraction, platonic attraction etc)

------

My favourite signs that I was aro were when I was a kid.

In kindy (so around 5) I had this "boyfriend", except for some reason I felt uneasy at everyone else calling him that. To me we were just best friends, even though we kissed sometimes. It was definitely a QPR though haha

I had another best friend through primary school and this unease of everyone calling us boyfriend and girlfriend had turned into lowkey anger, except it pissed him off too so I didn't think anything of it.

I think that's why it took me so long to realise I was aro, too. I thought that enjoying hugs and cuddling were a part of romantic attraction, until I realised they can be super platonic (but no I hate kissing ugh).

Hugs are super great, I'm just really awkward with initiating physical affection but I'll happily take it  cuddling would only be with a squish or a pet.

I don't drink very much, that's probably because of my family's financial issues though. I like to have a drink when I go out for lunch or maybe 2/3 drinks with my friends to get slightly tipsy. I like ciders, liquors, bourbon (and coke) and vodka cruisers (so all the sweet things).

I don't like the idea of getting drunk, too expensive and a little bit scary. I also don't like going to a bar and dancing I'm way too asocial for that haha

3 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

I remember talking to someone about kissing. They're an extremely romantic person, so much so I managed to get 4 aro bingo spaces in one conversation with them . But anyway, I remember saying to them that kissing just seems incredibly boring to me. I also said that I'd probably do a bunch of other things which might annoy the person I'm kissing just to get at least some enjoyment out of it. Although, this is all hypothetical as I haven't actually kissed anyone before . I don't plan on it any time soon either.

 

Also, @DannyFenton123 grats on 500 posts.

I have and I can confirm that kissing sucks (at least for me anyway). It was sad for me because I always thought kissing was supposed to be this amazing thing and it's just so boring and weird. I remember when I told my sister this I definitely got a couple of bingo spaces haha

6 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

I think this idea has a lot of merit. I would hate to use any verbiage that it is proof or scientific, but it's a very good starting point for someone. We could also turn the quiz into an interactive checkboxy thing that automatically tallies up your score. For every statement you agree with just click the box on.

 

It takes a fair amount of time to take the whole test. Should we boil it down a bit? Could we have an even simpler version of the quiz with just ten questions and then say, well maybe you should take the full text now?

Yeah like if you got above 30 or 40% it suggests to take the real test for more accurate results

4 hours ago, Jade said:

So... unless I find a better alternative I think I'll stick to seeing how this quiz works out, and then maybe working with the community to design an improved version 

 

I'll definitely keep my eye out for studies of romance though, and if I come across anything interesting I'll definitely let this thread know

I was just thinking about this. We could make our own quiz based on the questionnaire and advertise it for aromantics and anyone questing their romantic orientation

8 hours ago, Jade said:

I'm going to co-sign this as a good way to measure romantic attraction (although it seems rather... harsh on romantics): my QPR scored me just 15 despite it being a relationship that a lot of people might see as romantic. 

 

I sent this to some friends (aro, aro-spec, and allo) and this is what I got:

Romantics: 89, 83, 100

Aro-spectrum: 76, 84, 11

Aromantic (just me ): 15

 

To add the people on this thread who took it-

Aro-spectrum: 90-95, 82

Aromantic: 8, 0-20, 5

 

So it's definitely measuring something--everyone who took it so far has either gotten over 70 or less than 20, which is a pretty huge divide!

(Interestingly, my aro-spec but mostly-allo qpp got the 11--possibly why our QPR has been so successful despite it being an aro/allo relationship?)

 

I'd be curious in seeing more scores, so if anyone else here is willing to take the test, please do, and post your score please

I just did the test properly, using the strongest squish I've had (and that I mistook for romantic love). It was really difficult to try and remember how I felt since it was five or so years ago but I got 35, give or take a few, so it definitely wasn't romantic but it was significantly higher than I'd get for any other squish so it was probably accurate. For others I'd probably get around 10 haha

Honestly that whole test made me feel sort of repulsed and I'm conflicted over whether I want to do the test for every squish I've had and analyse the results or never touch it again haha

2 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

 

 

I wonder what the scale is that they use here. -450? Uh,  OK. Is -1000 totally male or something?

 

Why a crossdresser, I have no idea. Never done it, answered the questions honestly, but hey, I'm apparently a crossdresser. I don't have any problem with people doing that, so I guess that's where the score came from.

 

And you know, whenever I vacuum, I just get so turned on. The sound of the dirt going into the vacuum, it's just so hot. I wanna go vacuum the carpets now, even though I did it an hour ago.

The analysis that I linked says that the scores range from +650 to -650. Where the boundaries are I don't know, but it would seem that the numbers are disproportionately androgynous.

11 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

@aussiekirkland You've made me feel broken, haha. Well, I've always known that I am, but I'm repairing myself gradually 

Aw I'm sorry! I meant the link to the love test haha very strange stuff

I'm glad 

28 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

Did you measure your current feelings or did you apply the test to the most intense feelings you've ever had? I did the latter. If you did do too, congrats on being much more predisposed to happiness than me  The score of my current feelings is way lower, lol.

I had a quick read and it was the most foreign thing I'd ever read. I am definitely very aromantic! Haha 

That's a great term if the people in the relationship choose to define it as platoniromantic (I can certainly see the appeal). 

What I was referring to was when someone gets into a relationship with someone they're not attracted to (often out of guilt, but in this context from being a confused aromantic) wouldn't it still be romantic for the people in it?

If it weren't romantic simply because /both/ parties weren't romantically attracted to each other then why would so many aros experience romance repulsion from this sort of unrequited relationship?

In the end this is just another example of language we use in the aromantic community which is super vague and undefinable

A couple of things that were mentioned in the analysis that I linked

- A lot of the questions were just filler. Although they didn't specify which ones, a good portion of the test was useless questions to tire out the test taker and make them answer the important ones more honestly

- That being said all the questions have different weightings too. So a lot of things are pretty insignificant

- You can skip questions! It says this at the beginning of the test. I certainly had to skip a handful that didn't apply to me

This has already been explored on other forums so I felt like posting a discussion on Arocalypse.

The test: http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/sage/test.htm
In depth analysis: http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/sage/tech.htm

The other day I found a gender test called SAGE (Sex and Gender Explorer) which attempts to take a somewhat scientific approach to determining brain gender, gender expression (both physical and social) and overall appearance.

Of course the validity of this test is questionable at best; still, it was a fun little experiment in comparing my expectations to my results. A lot of questions and concerns that people on other forums had were answered in the test analysis as well as the precursor on the test page so I suggest anyone who is confused may want to read those.

One note that I will make that isn't mentioned except for at the end of the test is that they use this word "anallophilic" to describe asexuality.

I'm interested in seeing the skew of people's overall results, as well as whether they found their results accurate or not. I think this discussion may serve some purpose in determining the accuracy of this test. Feel free to post your results and thoughts in the comments!

2 hours ago, morallygayro said:

A relationship in which both people are romantically attracted to one another and act on that attraction?

That definition doesn't work when you think about all the aromantic people who have been in romantic relationships and aren't romantically attracted to their partner.

On 16 May 2016 at 11:33 PM, breaddd said:

I was in a class with some of my friends and one of them decided to ask me out.

I remember blushing really hard (I blush so easily and I hate it), asking the teacher to go to the bathroom, and hyperventilating in a stall.

At least when it's alone I can compose my thoughts and say no clearly. The guy asked me about it the rest of the week during class even after I told him no 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hyperventilates when someone asks me out!

I can mostly relate to your traffic light analogy, the only PDA that actually upsets me is making out.