aussiekirkland

From looking at the stats for everyone's results, the already seemingly dodgy test seems pretty much useless ?

3 hours ago, meesemouse said:

Can I just say that song jealous that was on the radio a while back, I thought was the most possessive and lowkey creepy song ever because the guy singing it says something like "its my right to be hellish/I still get jealous." What is it about relationships and people thinking that thats cute or whatnot? I repeat, he said it was his "right to be hellish", honestly that's just kinda messed up, when should anyone have a good reason to be mean-spirited towards someone else, especially relating to relationships? I am just repulsed and irritated that a song about a guy treating this girl like she's his property became so popular on the radio.

This happens all the time so at this point it's not even surprising. Often the songs by women are equally as worrying. The lyrics are 99% of the reason I hate pop music.

10 hours ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

receiving compliments usually just leaves me feeling self-conscious and guilty. 

 

unless there's obvious practical reasons for it, like "there that was a good right turn, try to do that more often and you've got it down pat"

or if it's from a close friend or squish  although even then, excessive flattery starts to annoy me and feel too intimate. 

I'm really awkward about compliments, unless it's from my squish then I'm extremely flattered 

9 hours ago, Miles said:

When people are uncomfortable with expectations to be feminine or masculine, that's called gender role strain. And if they want to do something like bind, take hormones, get surgery, use different pronouns, if they're uncomfortable with people seeing them as strictly male/female, if they want to use a gender ambiguous nickname...well, they might want to look into whether they're actually cis.

This makes so much sense, thank you for explaining! I never understood what made someone nonbinary rather than cis but now I think I understand better.

I definitely get gender role strain and I feel it almost daily, but I don't experience the other things you mentioned (I have a gender neutral nickname but I've been using it my whole life) so that would make me a cis woman.

On 20/10/2016 at 11:57 PM, Mark said:

You could try this test. http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Oh hey, what do you know  I personally wouldn't be counting the relationships category since it was so normative

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

 

47 minutes ago, Natkat said:

I think its relevant specially when we talk about aromanticism because while we have alot in common there are alot of different ways we may experience it, and I do think I fall into the trap myself once in a while because I identify as non-monogamyous and aro and somethimes find it hard to seperate those things.

The point is is that we shouldn't have to seperate relevant parts of ourselves like that and instead specify why they're related experiences for us personally (if that makes sense?).

The pressure to seperate parts of ourselves feeds into erasure in my opinion.

1 hour ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

I don't get obsession with marriage. I don't get obsession with weddings. 

 

 

Me neither! My sister was obsessing over her wedding recently (since she's currently engaged to a complete moron) and I'm glad it's died down right now cause it was getting on my nerves.

One day I might just pull a Sue Sylvester and marry myself for the comedy of it all.

15 hours ago, Mark said:

There isn't really a good term for (queer) platonic "date". Certainly not that most people would understand.

Aha! I found the source of my dream last night. Usually something from the day before triggers a dream and this comment triggered a (queer) platonic date in my dream. This might inspire me to come up with ideas to drag her away from her clingy roommate 

https://memegenerator.net/instance/72494319

I made this joke on tumblr recently, thought it deserved a meme

1 hour ago, LJ_84 said:

One thing has left me a bit confused. It sounds like some people have squishes on people they are already friends with. Wouldn't it stop if you reached that goal to be close friends with the person you squish on? Like don't alloromantic people stop crushing on a person when they enter a romantic relationship with their target? Like the crush changes into romantic love? Is this possible?

Ive thought about this a lot and I'm not completely sure. My most recent squish developed for a female friend I was starting to get to know better, and it faded once we were a lot closer (specifically the night where we were drunk, sharing a bed and talking about personal and stupid things).

My other squishes started once I began a friendship with a guy, but would go on for much longer because I was too afraid to be emotionally intimate with them (since this kept on resulting in romantic relationships/feelings that I didn't want) and so it wouldn't go away until I innevitably gave up on the friendship.

So I guess the ideal for me is that once I have the relationship I want with the person the squish fades and develops into a loving platonic bond. So pretty much like the romantic example you gave, only platonic.

On 03/09/2016 at 3:03 AM, Saaaro said:

I get pretty frustrated with comments from ace-aros, even on here, that talk about aromanticism and asexuality like they're the same thing.  There's do much in the aro experience and advice threads that doesn't apply to arosexuals at all. Like no, I can't just avoid people/relationships entirely and still be happy.

I get how this can be pretty unrelatable for arosexuals (and romantic asexuals, in the case of tumblr) which is why I tend to specify that my posts are of an aro ace perspective but in my experience a lot of romo aces won't do the same, often sounding like romanticism is essential and the likes.

I don't know what my point was but I think it would be easier for everyone if they would start these discussions with "as an *insert orientation*" and/or end it with "these are my personal experiences as an *insert orientation*" because all of us have different perspectives which can be vastly different between arosexuals, aro aces and romo aces.

19 hours ago, Acciuga said:

I'm aromantic and I date. Anything is romantic if you make it romantic. I don't see dating as romantic as such, but I see kissing as romantic.

I'm much the same. I've considered platonic dating because I don't think dating has to be romantic unless the people involved are being gooey lovey.

Also, @BlueCandle, couldn't have put it better myself.

I get what @Zemaddog is saying about non gender related body dysphoria as I have experienced it myself (as a result of societal pressure, which went away after I lost weight). I also feel like I've experienced gender dysphoria, but when I left school the problems went away so the dysphoria went away, which led me to believe I'm cis. Is that wrong?

I tried online dating recently and I found it pretty difficult. I made it very clear that I was an aro ace who's only interested in platonic relationships and friendships, I even made my profile invisible to straight people for good measure, and I talked to some awesome people who I got along with, but I got the vibe that they were fine with me being ace but needed me to have romantic feelings or give into a romantic relationship. Last night one of them even went on about sexual fluidity and how I could be Demi(romantic) and that's when I decided I'd had enough for a while.

Basically, I've decided that I need to keep my qpr scoping exclusively to people on the aro spectrum, who understand my discomfort with romantic relationships and my desire for a relationship anarchy type relationship, who won't try and fit me into their boxes.

I'm glad I gave it a go because I learnt that it wasn't for me, and that I don't feel the need to actively look for a qpr, that one day I'll find what I'm looking for.

So I know there's been studies done about the length of your index and ring finger corresponding to your sexuality with gay men typically having longer index fingers, straight men with longer ring fingers, straight women with even finger lengths and lesbians with longer ring fingers. I was wondering how this data fits the aromantic community so post your data in the comments

This is all in good fun so I'll kick this off: I'm an aromantic asexual woman and my ring finger is longer than my index finger.

On 12 September 2016 at 4:55 PM, Zemaddog said:

Teach me your ways.

It's actually a mashup of both of our melodies that we wrote for theory class. I agree it's awesome

Thanks for the mention @paporomantic

I've been playing alto and tenor saxophone for 9 years now ?? I  mostly play ?Jazz?

Im studying a Diploma of Jazz at WAAPA right now and once it's over (it's a one year course) I'm hoping to apply for the navy as a musician.

If I get into navy band I'll probably get to learn some other instruments over time since they have their own collection of instruments you can take out and learn. I'd love to learn Bari sax and French horn.

7 hours ago, Saber_Wing said:

Unfortunately. They were awkward, nauseating, confusing times for me, and I wish I had avoided them altogether. I felt very pressured to do what everyone else was doing though, so after awhile that's what happened.

Couldn't agree more

On 9 August 2016 at 1:02 AM, Natkat said:

Beside many of the points already mentioned I don't understand why sex is seen as romantic.

I simple dont see anything "romantic" in rubbing your genetalia on each other (or whatever you are into.)

Kind of like how people get so caught up over one night stands. How hard is it to not fall in love with someone you just had sex with? Haha

Anyway I've said this before and I'll say it again but "emotional cheating" is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you're being affectionate with someone else in a non romantic/sexual context then how is it cheating!? Like if you're cuddling your friend and neither of you have feelings for each other then how is that cheating?

Also this weird desire to have all of your needs met by one person. It seems really unhealthy to me to just drop everyone else in your life to have all of your emotional needs met by this person you barely even know. Do people not need their friends for that sort of thing?

Also also why do couples spend so much time together? I remember being in relationships and feeling suffocated because of how much time they expected me to spend with them. Cause I was at school they expected me to spend all of my recess and lunch breaks with them instead of my friends and to me that was just baffling because we already had dates and Friday night dinners for that? Why do you need to spend hours everyday with me!?

Speaking of couples having to do everything together: hobbies? For example my sister is your average vanilla girl (too harsh?) whereas her boyfriend is a huge nerd. She doesn't really tolerate it so sometimes I talk to him about video games and he took me to a store opening last month. Apparently this is a crime? If anything I'm helping their relationship because she won't entertain his interests and he doesn't seem to have any friends outside the relationship, and since none of my friends are nerds I thought we had a good dynamic. My sister gets very sensitive about us spending time together despite the fact that

1) I'm extremely aro ace

2) he's like 7 years older than me

3) we only do stuff like once every couple of months if even that

If it weren't for the edit button this would've ended two paragraphs ago haha

It's interesting to talk about my experiences of platonic attraction since it's the only attraction I do feel; however, I wouldn't talk about it in an orientation context. Firstly it seems impractical since when I get a squish I'm usually already in the kind of relationship that I want with them, so there's no end goal in mind, which I feel like is different with romantic and sexual attraction. Secondly I feel like using bi or pan as a label for platonic feelings is sort of appropriating? I don't know, but the thought makes me uncomfortable cause I don't think it's my place to use those identifiers.

Anywho I think my squishes have less to do with gender and more to do with personality. I'm drawn to people with a similar sense of humour as me, usually a mix of sarcasm and Internet humour. This is way more common in guys in my experience, and is probably why I've only ever had a squish on one girl. Ideally if I were to ever get in a qpr it'd be with a girl because I feel like navigating that blurry territory would be easier with someone who's a good communicator.

Oops, I rambled again

11 hours ago, Rising Sun said:

 

This should be a basis for making THE aromantic meme.  

I gave it a go https://imgflip.com/i/182fws

I told my squish I had a squish on her and I had sobered up too #aromoments #awkward

I guess I'm the only INFJ here? Figures, as it is the rarest type. I'm a fan of MBTI, it has the fun of astrology but with accuracy. I've done the test a couple of times over the years and have gotten the same result every time so I'm pretty confident with it (the analysis are also very accurate, since my I and N bars are very strong in the test results)

I also feel like Katniss could be aro ace. The way she suffers through the "starstruck lovers" plot line feels like such a common aromantic experience, also the way she constantly gave into societal pressure (granted, it was for her survival). I know in the books she described having to act out a romantic plot and that is so incredibly relatable to my romantic experience.  Though I feel like she did have feelings for Gale for a little while. Maybe she's demiromantic? She's definitely on the spectrum though.

Luna Lovegood is 150% aro ace and no one can convince me otherwise. Merida is the best aromantic icon ever.

I came out to my mum as ace over a year ago and she was super cool and understanding, in fact she wasn't at all surprised. My sister was definitely confused so I dropped the subject.

Then when I found out I was aro I thought it was important to mention, but I didn't want to use the label as my family is often very against identity labels. I started to be more vocal about not wanting to date, marry or have kids (the kids part I had been vocal about for a long time) which my mum was seemingly fine with but my sister seemed to think I was putting myself in a box and holding myself back from "possibilities" lmao.

Once I started introducing the idea that I'm not attracted to people in any way, my mum continued to be fine with it (and very understanding) and something must've clicked for my sister cause she finally respected my decision(?) and my reason for  not dating.

I'm not sure about the grandkids thing because my sister has also mentioned not wanting kids (though raves about her dream wedding) so while my mum seems fine with it, I can't help feeling like she got scunted in the grandkids department and feel kind of bad. Though my sister may change her mind eventually, if I'm lucky.