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Hey guys. :) DH here. I'm a Christian, feminist, writer, artist, 19-year-old demigirl. I'm usually really cheerful and positive, but that's probably not the side you'll be seeing much of... You see, for years I've been a confident, proud aro-ace. I'm still solid on the ace part, but the aro thing has been challenged in some odd ways lately, and I can't seem to figure myself out. Nor can I figure out the rest of society. I put my romantic orientation down as "aromantc/grey-quoiromantic/demipan/confused?!?" because the logical side of my brain says "Romance makes no sense. It's unfair, illogical, hurtful, and binding." and the emotional side of my brain says, "You like to be free, and getting married would limit you. You're strong on your own, and you love it." but is also says "Him." I couldn't freaking tell you what romance is, and I couldn't tell you if that's what I want, but I CAN tell you that I'm freaking confused on the subject. That's what I'm here to try to find out, because allos seem to have some real trouble explaining themselves, because it's like a color-blind person asking a normal person what the color green is like. Which is an accurate metaphor, but suddenly makes this seem quite hopeless.

On a more chipper note, I love fantasy novels, video games, dragons, kitties, Undertale, Halo, Eragon, Lord of the Rings, God, and freaking LGBT+ pride. Can't wait to go to pride for the first time. ^_^ I'm a dragon mama, so expect me to be there by your side to give you encouragement when I can't fight you battles like I'd love to. I'm soft and cowering and I get ashamed of things that I tell my friends not to worry about like unpacking emotional issues and talking too much, and I'm loud and angry and like making a scene of my difference, because gosh be darned if I'm gonna let you continue on in your little bubble, and I'm balanced and calm and patient. I'm a flurry of contradictions that lead to a bark louder than my bite that is only uttered to friends and myself anyway and huge amount of frustration. I love humanity and I can't stand them. I'm frustrated as heck at allos and I think I might be one of them. I'm doing well and I'm bursting at the seams. And freaking gosh am I compartmentalized.

So I apologize that this is likely where most of my uncertainty and turbulence will come out, but I needed a place, and I've been flip-flopping to my friends so much recently, and the one I really want to talk to this about is the one I absolutely can't tell. SO.

Love you all and thank you for having me. :)

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On 5/15/2017 at 6:55 AM, Dragonheart said:

the logical side of my brain says "Romance makes no sense. It's unfair, illogical, hurtful, and binding."

 

I would say that romance is alogical rather than illogical.  Merrian-Webster define alogical as: being outside the bounds of that to which logic can apply [i.e. not playing the game] and illogical as not observing the principles of logic [i.e. playing the game, but not following the rules correctly] Pascal puts it like this:

 

Quote

Le cœur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point. On le sent en mille choses. C'est le cœur qui sent Dieu, et non la raison. Voilà ce que c'est que la foi parfaite, Dieu sensible au cœur.

 

The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know. We feel it in a thousand things. It is the heart which experiences God, and not the reason. This, then, is faith: God felt by the heart, not by the reason.

 

I like this quote - despite being an atheist! (you're a Christian, so you might like it even more than me! ;)). Feelings are directly felt/experienced. Logic is rules for reasoning with. They don't really overlap. To me it makes little sense to say that feelings ought to be subservient to logic (or vice-versa). Feelings aren't 'valid' or  'invalid', they just are. Here's how they put it in the film Bright Star:

 

Quote

A poem needs understanding through the senses. The point of diving into a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore but to be in the lake, to luxuriate in the sensation of water. You do not work the lake out, it is an experience beyond thought. Poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to accept the mystery.

 

Maybe this "Him" makes you feel a bit out-of-control and it's a feeling that's new to you and you don't like that feeling very much so far? (I don't know, that's just a guess...). But maybe if you give it time you'll get acclimatised to that feeling and start to like it? (a bit like jumping into a lake? :P)

 

On 5/15/2017 at 6:55 AM, Dragonheart said:

"You like to be free, and getting married would limit you. You're strong on your own, and you love it."

 

One way to look at freedom is in terms of so-called "negative liberty" : freedom from other people putting constraints on what you can do ("binding" to borrow your word). But another way to look at it is in terms of so-called "positive liberty": freedom to be able to fully express your true nature. If you are more conventionally 'romantic' than what you had previously assumed (and I can't tell you that - you'll have to figure it out for yourself ;)) then getting married could make you more free (in that second sense of freedom) rather than less.

 

Good luck figuring it all out :) 

 

And welcome to the forums :aroicecream:

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On 5/15/2017 at 1:55 AM, Dragonheart said:

Hey guys. :) DH here. I'm a Christian, feminist, writer, artist, 19-year-old demigirl. I'm usually really cheerful and positive, but that's probably not the side you'll be seeing much of... You see, for years I've been a confident, proud aro-ace. I'm still solid on the ace part, but the aro thing has been challenged in some odd ways lately, and I can't seem to figure myself out. Nor can I figure out the rest of society. I put my romantic orientation down as "aromantc/grey-quoiromantic/demipan/confused?!?" because the logical side of my brain says "Romance makes no sense. It's unfair, illogical, hurtful, and binding." and the emotional side of my brain says, "You like to be free, and getting married would limit you. You're strong on your own, and you love it." but is also says "Him." I couldn't freaking tell you what romance is, and I couldn't tell you if that's what I want, but I CAN tell you that I'm freaking confused on the subject. That's what I'm here to try to find out, because allos seem to have some real trouble explaining themselves, because it's like a color-blind person asking a normal person what the color green is like. Which is an accurate metaphor, but suddenly makes this seem quite hopeless.

On a more chipper note, I love fantasy novels, video games, dragons, kitties, Undertale, Halo, Eragon, Lord of the Rings, God, and freaking LGBT+ pride. Can't wait to go to pride for the first time. ^_^ I'm a dragon mama, so expect me to be there by your side to give you encouragement when I can't fight you battles like I'd love to. I'm soft and cowering and I get ashamed of things that I tell my friends not to worry about like unpacking emotional issues and talking too much, and I'm loud and angry and like making a scene of my difference, because gosh be darned if I'm gonna let you continue on in your little bubble, and I'm balanced and calm and patient. I'm a flurry of contradictions that lead to a bark louder than my bite that is only uttered to friends and myself anyway and huge amount of frustration. I love humanity and I can't stand them. I'm frustrated as heck at allos and I think I might be one of them. I'm doing well and I'm bursting at the seams. And freaking gosh am I compartmentalized.

So I apologize that this is likely where most of my uncertainty and turbulence will come out, but I needed a place, and I've been flip-flopping to my friends so much recently, and the one I really want to talk to this about is the one I absolutely can't tell. SO.

Love you all and thank you for having me. :)

Are you on a app where I can check your literature or maybe post a story on here I love to read and I can dig your vibe based on this post 

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On 5/15/2017 at 3:03 PM, NullVector said:

 

I would say that romance is alogical rather than illogical.  Merrian-Webster define alogical as: being outside the bounds of that to which logic can apply [i.e. not playing the game] and illogical as not observing the principles of logic [i.e. playing the game, but not following the rules correctly] Pascal puts it like this:

 

 

I like this quote - despite being an atheist! (you're a Christian, so you might like it even more than me! ;)). Feelings are directly felt/experienced. Logic is rules for reasoning with. They don't really overlap. To me it makes little sense to say that feelings ought to be subservient to logic (or vice-versa). Feelings aren't 'valid' or  'invalid', they just are. Here's how they put it in the film Bright Star:

 

 

Maybe this "Him" makes you feel a bit out-of-control and it's a feeling that's new to you and you don't like that feeling very much so far? (I don't know, that's just a guess...). But maybe if you give it time you'll get acclimatised to that feeling and start to like it? (a bit like jumping into a lake? :P)

 

 

One way to look at freedom is in terms of so-called "negative liberty" : freedom from other people putting constraints on what you can do ("binding" to borrow your word). But another way to look at it is in terms of so-called "positive liberty": freedom to be able to fully express your true nature. If you are more conventionally 'romantic' than what you had previously assumed (and I can't tell you that - you'll have to figure it out for yourself ;)) then getting married could make you more free (in that second sense of freedom) rather than less.

 

Good luck figuring it all out :) 

 

And welcome to the forums :aroicecream:

Thank you very much, for your advice and your welcome! :) 

On 5/20/2017 at 4:14 AM, RASHAAN said:

Are you on a app where I can check your literature or maybe post a story on here I love to read and I can dig your vibe based on this post 

I don't really have my writing up anywhere yet, but I'll definitely let you know when that changes! :D Thank you!

On 5/15/2017 at 0:31 AM, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Hi DH :) Welcome to the party :aroicecream:

Thanks! :D

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That's cool and btw follow me  DH

14 hours ago, Dragonheart said:

Thank you very much, for your advice and your welcome! :) 

I don't really have my writing up anywhere yet, but I'll definitely let you know when that changes! :D Thank you!

Thanks! :D

 

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