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I'm Aro... right?


Caitie
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So I am definitely ace, no question about that. I'm 16 and in year 11, and have never had a crush. When I think about actually being in a relationship with any real person I know, I just can't picture it. But when I read cute love stories, it almost makes me question if I'm really aro; I love cuddling and hand holding but with friends in a platonic way. I think I just want a best friend that is essentially a relationship but platonically, but I can't tell if that is just what an ace relationship looks like. I feel like it'd be rlly uncommon for someone my age who's almost finished high school to actually be alloromantic but have 0 indication of this except for wanting close friendships. Essentially, if someone could try to explain to me the difference between a close friendship and an asexual romantic relationship, that would be great. Thank you!

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A couple of points:

  • Liking romance in literature and film doesn't mean you're not aro. I've seen plenty of aros who like romantic movies and books.
  • Liking physical contact (like cuddling) doesn't mean you're not aro. Once again, there are plenty of aros who like physical contact.

The only thing that matters when determining whether or not you're aro is whether you experience romantic attraction. You've stated that you have never had a crush which points strongly towards you being aro. I can't tell you if you're aro, only you can do that.

2 hours ago, Caitie said:

I think I just want a best friend that is essentially a relationship but platonically, but I can't tell if that is just what an ace relationship looks like.

The most common term for this is a "Queerplatonic Relationship/Partnership" or QPR/QPP for short. I'm no expert of QPPs or romantic relationships, romantic attraction is necessary for a romantic relaitonship. No attraction is necessary for a QPP, but that doesn't mean there can't still be some attraction. I'm not an allo ace, but I'm guessing that an ace romantic relationship would be very similar to a romantic relationship between two allosexual alloromantic people, just without the sexual attraction. I've heard anti-ace rhetoric which is all, "A romantic relationship requires sex. Without it it's just a friendship" and it's complete bullshit. Romantic relationships are different from friendships even if there's no sex. I may not understand what exactly romantic attraciton is, but I do know that it is required for a romantic relationship. Sex =/= romance, romance =/= sex.

 

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Yeah, to me you sound like you have a strong desire for a queerplatonic relationship, not necessarily a romantic one.

Have you ever had someone who you can't get them out of your mind, you keep thinking about them randomly, you keep daydreaming about doing romantic things with them, you get nervous and excited in their presence, notice random details about them, etc? From what I understand, that's what alloromantic people feel when they are having a crush on someone. If that doesn't sound like anything you've experienced, you're probably aro. 

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On 14/05/2017 at 3:05 PM, Ettina said:

Yeah, to me you sound like you have a strong desire for a queerplatonic relationship, not necessarily a romantic one.

I would agree with this. And you can always try QPRs and not dating and see how that goes. It's perfectly fine if sometime in the future you suddenly develope romantic feelings, just trust how you feel right now and see where it can take you :)

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