Do I like girls?

[VentiCoffe3]

(Tw: sexual content) 

 

Hi, im on one of my monthly identity crisis. I would actually like some input if thats alright. 

 

So I've been questioning if I like girls. Like if I want to date them. I dont fantasize about dating them or anything. I just think that if i had to choose to date guys or girls i would choose girls. I've always been more comfortable and have strong bonds with girls. And to be honest, they look nicer than guys. Body wise. Im not sure if that counts as sexual attraction?? 

I will share a dream I once had, maybe it would help? So I had a dream one night where I was extremely sexually attracted to a girl and in that dream we had sexual intercourse. Whoa right? But it didn't feel like a wet dream. When i woke up I was confused, I didn't really feel anything actually. Did I want it to happen again? Not really. Was I aroused? When I woke up I clearly wasn't. So I'm so confused. 

Going back to romantically, I imagined myself "dating" a girl and all I could think about was hanging out, holding hands, and having a strong bond which does feel nice. But no kissing though. And no sex aswell. And i keep thinking, isn't that just being friends? What do you guys think? 

Edited April 3 by VentiCoffe3

[Ghostflower]

I've had dreams in which I've been sexually attracted to people, which is wild, because I am incredibly asexual in real life.  Oftentimes, in my dreams, I am "playing" a different character, and I imagine that my brain is just getting into some serious roleplay based on stories I've read and how I imagine sexual attraction might feel.  So I don't think that being sexually attracted to a girl in your dreams is a sign that you're sexually attracted to women in the waking world.  It could be, but it doesn't have to be. 

Honestly, I've had similar thoughts as you, in terms of thinking, "Well, if I HAD to pick, women look nicer than men, and I tend to feel more comfortable around them."  And I suppose that you could always try dating, to see if it makes you happy.  But to me, it sounds like we're in the same boat of wanting non-romantic, non-sexual relationships with women.  You can always date someone and choose not to kiss them, but perhaps a platonic or a queerplatonic relationship would fill out all of your criteria, without as much fuss over what that type of relationship is "supposed" to entail (since QPRs are all about crafting the unconventional dynamic that's best for you).

Something to consider, which I do not have an answer for myself: Do some people gender their platonic, queerplatonic, or alterous attraction?  For example, do some folks only want to be in QPRs with women?  That might also describe your feelings/attraction.  But in the end, I would encourage you to focus on what actions and relationships would make you happy, rather than getting too bogged down by labels or whether a type of experience "exists."   (Also, I love that you described this as one of your monthly identity crises.  Mood, honestly!)

[Estelar]

I am not very sure what you are actually questioning about yourself, but in case you are wondering whether you must be romantically/sexually attracted to girls because you prefer girls over guys for creating strong bonds or your aesthetic taste, no, this is not necessarily romantic/sexual attraction. Many people also have a gender preference for friendships, although this is much less talked about than sexual orientation. So if you feel like you make better female friends, that's just it. The only question you might want to ask yourself whether you want to be in a romantic relationship with them (that is distinct from friendship) or if you want to have sex with them.

[SilentShadows]

I can relate in a sense to feeling more comfortable around girls! But in terms of dreams, they don't necessarily mean a lot, I've had extremely weird dreams where I was into something that would horrify me in real life so I'd take that with a grain of salt. I will say for the stuff I was actually into in a dream, when I woke up, I didn't doubt for a second I found it attractive and I definitely did feel a certain way about it. If you didn't like it or it wasn't appealing to you when you awoke, even in the slightest bit, it probably was just your brain slapping stuff together!

Seems like it could also be a case of just being more comfortable with women. Which is totally fine! Some are more comfortable with men, or nonbinary folks. For me personally, it actually boils down to "who is the least likely to be sexually or romantically attracted to me and act weird about it" and so... women or nonbinary folks it typically is, haha. Not that I don't or couldn't have close relationships with men, of course! But I'd say I'm a little more wary due to really not wanting to deal with advances in any capacity when it comes to friendship. If I'm looking for a certain type of non-romantic intimacy (I'm grayace), I'd prefer it to be by my own choice and more likely with someone I don't know that well. Yet that's just my experience, of course!