How to know when to leave a friend

[Guest Lil]

For the past 3 years I've been dorming with my friend from highschool. This might've been the worst mistake I could've made. When I decided to dorm with her, I didn't know her too well, because even though we were in the same friend group we never really talked. Well spring semester some of our friends came to our college to visit us, while hanging out she became jealous. I was laughing and dancing with one my friends (who I am a little closer with) and she started making mean comments towards me and putting me down. Over the years it has gotten worse and whenever anyone hangs out with us she gets really jealous, and later I will ask her, what happened, and then apologize, and then take the blame. It has gotten to the point where it feels like something happens every week. Over this past Christmas break, she even tracked me and my other friend and saw that we were at my house and she texted me friend asking her about it! I understand she can sometimes feel left out but the jealously, constantly feeling like I'm the problem (because she doesn't get jealous about anyone else!), and it makes me anxious to hang out with my friends in a group setting because I'm afraid she's going to say or do something. I know I'm not the best roommate either and probably too sarcastic and depressed at times but I don't know if I'm the problem, or if I really should leave this friendship.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

A good friend would not be this obsessive over you. I understand jealousy, lots of people do, but then it is the person's responsibility (the person experiencing the jealousy) to communicate that and not let it control their actions; or, at the bare minimum, not allow themselves to start being a dick because of it. If it's safe to do so, since you said you're worried that she'll do something, try to talk to her about it with a list of all of the times she has been doing this to you. If you feel like you cannot conversate with her, then quietly try to change your dorm situation to where she's not your roommate. You deserve to hang out and keep up relations with your other friends without fear. A good friend wouldn't make you scared in having relationships with other people that have been going on for much longer than your relationship with her.

 

Edited March 4 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[organs and bone]

Maybe (I know this might not be possible) but try to talk to her. If that doesn’t work, you might need to stop dorming with her or compromise but that seems hard.

[Ekaterina]

You aren't the problem, if she thinks she has the right to berate you regularly for as much as interacting with people, she isn't a good friend. And if she doesn't get jealous over anyone else, it just means she is unhealthy obsessed with you (and should have probably tried to form more connections to distribute her attention between and learn healthier habits).