Agender experience- anyone relates?

[saucewisdom]

So I'm pretty sure I identify with the agender label, but the circumstances surrounding it for me personally have been pretty strange.

For me, I'm AMAB which is ok, along with the way I act and present physically and appearance wise all is fine. But I don't feel any personal or deeper connection with being male. I would go as far as saying I don't know what gender particularly even feels like. But the stranger part is that I have no desire to change it because I'm already so used to it. So, I only use they in my pronouns but I'm largely unbothered by presenting as my assigned gender anyway because I've been doing it for such a long time.

Does anyone relate to this experience? Is it common? I've scoured the internet hoping to find any similar cases but to no luck. I use the label anyway because it feels right (demiboy in this case still implies a slight feeling of being male, which I do not have). Would love to hear your responses on this.

[Collie]

Sounds similar to my experience. I'm fine being perceived as female, prefer non-gendered at all but don't think society will ever accept that so I just settle for being seen as a woman. I actively dislike being seen as a man or male in any way. I go by agender or demigirl.

[Helion]

Kind of same, though I'm not non-binary or anything. I'm female, but it's just not a part of my personality or anything really, it's just a fact that I don't care much about. If I were to turn into a man in two seconds I would just keep going like nothing ever happened so to speak lmao

I feel like not being girly/manly shouldn't automatically equal being agender necessarily, gender just isn't always important to a person. 

[saucewisdom]

33 minutes ago, Helion said:

Kind of same, though I'm not non-binary or anything. I'm female, but it's just not a part of my personality or anything really, it's just a fact that I don't care much about. If I were to turn into a man in two seconds I would just keep going like nothing ever happened so to speak lmao

I feel like not being girly/manly shouldn't automatically equal being agender necessarily, gender just isn't always important to a person. 

that's a pretty interesting perspective. it correlates to what I say to some extent but I don't know if I can fully relate. I just don't feel associated with any gender so I thought it would be right to use this label

[Collie]

If you think agender describes your experience with gender, then you're agender. There's also a lesser-known label used on AVEN called cis-genderless, where you're basically agender but associate with your AGAB bc..... why not. But it's always your own decision how you want to label it.

[Helion]

10 hours ago, saucewisdom said:

that's a pretty interesting perspective. it correlates to what I say to some extent but I don't know if I can fully relate. I just don't feel associated with any gender so I thought it would be right to use this label

I see! Ofc you are the one who knows their identity best, I was just sharing my own thoughts. 

Wish you the best of luck to be comfortable with your identity, it can be a struggle.

[Estelar]

On 1/18/2024 at 10:47 PM, saucewisdom said:

For me, I'm AMAB which is ok, along with the way I act and present physically and appearance wise all is fine. But I don't feel any personal or deeper connection with being male. I would go as far as saying I don't know what gender particularly even feels like. But the stranger part is that I have no desire to change it because I'm already so used to it.

This is pretty much how I experience my gender. I am AMAB and I am fine with being perceived as male. However, I do not really identify with that, neither conform to masculine gender stereotypes. Neither do I have a desire to change something about my biological sex or gender appearance. (Well, sometimes I think it would be awesome if I could swap between sexes from one day to another. 😆) Also, if I were AFAB, I believe I would be equally happy with that. I now identify mainly as agender or cis-genderless.

[DeltaAro]

Originally, I thought that gender at least had some vague relation to femininity and masculinity*.

Then xeninity came a long and at this point, I just give up.

I don't understand "gender" and opt out of it.

* But what even is femininity and masculinity? A set of attributes, behaviors, and roles? In that case, they are Mandelbrot-like complex, with exceptions and exceptions to exceptions. E.g. The Warrior is the archetype of masculinity: the male symbol ♂ represents the shield and spear of Mars. But ok, there are female warriors, what to do with them? We expect them to wield elegant "feminine" weapons like rapiers or naginatas. Not a war hammer! So you can at least be feminine in your unfemininity. Amazing.

On 1/18/2024 at 10:47 PM, saucewisdom said:

But the stranger part is that I have no desire to change it because I'm already so used to it. So, I only use they in my pronouns but I'm largely unbothered by presenting as my assigned gender anyway because I've been doing it for such a long time.

I would say it's more than not caring, since I prefer to not be regarded as having a gender.

I have a rather androgynous appearance, but tend to be more likely identified as male. But this comes naturally. I don't have any desire to do any drastic steps; in this sense, I don't care enough.

Regarding gendered products, I can use any. Still, I find those giant megacorporations aggressively pushing gender into my face really annoying and "boycott" them. 🙃

Why is CK One the exception, not the rule? It's so old-school, but "One for all" really resonates with me.

[Balfrog]

I feel like op's experience is similar to a lot of agender people, or at least a lot that I have been exposed to. Personally I'm with DeltaAro on not understanding gender and gendered things. I had to transition though, I hate the feeling of my skin with T and facial hair along with always wanting to change my birth name. I switched my pronouns on principle and only really have a reaction to family getting it wrong, although I did get surprised the first time I was she'd.