Scared

[Oko]

We had a meeting in a brewery with workmates. There was one man (call him K), who worked in our company but now he works somewhere else but he knows the people and came to talk. I saw him for the first time in my life, but talking with him was fine. He knows all the machines in our company and gave to me his phone number if i need advice. It was okay.

Once I came to work and I met K in our smoking room. He said he came to pick up our supervisor (they are friends for a long time) and we talked together, and it was fine. He said I will hear from him. Next evening he sent a message to me on WhatsApp and asked if I will go to meeting on saturday. I said I can't because I have a night shift this day. 

He invited me to a coffee and I agreed because I wanted a friend and he is a nice boy. But when we talked on the phone, he said he have always had "weakness" for small and slim girls. It scared me because I'm the small slim girl.

We went on the coffee together and it was fine and friendly. But when I was about go home, we talked about life and he told me he can fall in love fast, afetr 8 seconds to the girl who he doesn't know. I don't want to judge anyone, but it's unimaginable for me. Later he confessed he likes me. I told him I'm not looking for a relationship and I don't want it (this I told on the first work meeting too and I think everybody know it about me).

We said "bye" and went to home. Nothing happened, but I'm scared. In the past this happened many times. Somebody wanted to spend the time with me and I wanted just a friend. I told it honestly not to get his hopes up. But he still felt in love with me and he got his hopes up and strived to date with me.

What if it happens again? I don't want anyone to love me. I'm afraid he's interested in me, not "just" like a friend. I'm okay to be friends with him but I don't want to be friend with somebody who wants to date with me.

Nothing happens but I'm scared about feelings of another person. He is a nice boy and I wish him to find somebody who will love him and be happy. I don't want him to be interested in somebody who will never requite his love and be unhappy.

I don't know what I should do. Advice, please...

[Holmbo]

You're not responsible for his feelings. Advice for next time though is if someone you recently met asks you to hang out one on one, ask if it's a date before you accept. Because that way you can nip it in the bud earlier.

You've told him you're not interested, if he were to keep pressing he is not a nice boy and I think you're perfectly justified in not treating him as such. But maybe he will accept it and move on to a new crush.

[Oko]

He's not pressing. He said he just want to meet and know new people and it's fine to talk with me. And later he said he likes me. I don't know what to think about it. He does nothing bad, but I'm scared if I imagine somebody is in love with me.

[hemogoblin]

Not much you can do about other people's feelings. All you can do is take whatever steps you need to protect yourself, such as not being touchy-feely with a person, communicating your own feelings, and/or stepping back from a relationship that makes you uncomfortable. It is an unfortunate fact that a lot of men have been raised to not be interested in friendships with women (or folk they see as women) or who feel they can't maintain a friendship with someone they have romantic/sexual feelings for. Not all men, but it's a balance you'll have to figure out for yourself on how many chances to give someone to find out where they stand on this regard. 

[Holmbo]

Just cause you're scared doesn't mean you need to do anything. Accept the uncomfortable feeling and maybe it will lessen some. Try some meditation if you want.

[Oko]

I said him I don't want relationship, he said it's ok. Maybe it's just bad experience from the past. I wanted to be a friend with a boy who loved me, I told him honestly I don't want to be in a relationship with him not to do a fake hopes, but he still maked a fake hopes and was angry to me. I don't want it to happen again.